Jan Rosenberg - These Are Our Stories: Womens Stories of Abuse and Survival

For all of her 25 years, Pam Taylor has experienced a lot. She grew up in Washington County, Florida where at the age of three or four she was placed in foster care. She lived in foster care and group homes until the age of 17. She has experienced street life, she has experienced the ravages of domestic violence. Today Pam lives with her mother in Chipley where she is active in the church.

PT: Pam Taylor

JR: Jan Rosenberg

JL: Janet Lupher

PT: I was born and raised in Chipley, I had a pretty bad childhood. I was taken away from my real mom, I was thrown in different foster homes, and included being abused.

JR: Uh huhm. Tell me a little bit more about that.

PT: Well (laughs) it was. I was in different places like foster homes that who strangers, that who abused me. Then my mom the way she treated me a little bit. You know, I always felt like I was left out. Felt like I was a nothing. And you know. And when I got grown enough, I stayed around Chipley till I got around

10. And then I left Chipley and they threw me in the foster home in Panama City. It was a good foster home. I stayed there till I was about 12, and I went to a place called Heidel House.

JR: Heidel House?

PT: Yeah, Heidel House. Like a Christian home.

JR: Heidel House

PT: Heidel House, something like that

JR: Can you spell it?

PT: (laughs) No.

JR: Heidel House

PT: Heidel House in Panama City, Used to be on 77.

JR: OK

PT: It was like a Christian center, you know, open home, people come to live there. And I left from there and they send me to Miami. And I went to a hell hole in Miami. They call that place Martenary.

JR: Martenary

PT: Yes, like group homes.

JR: Uh huh

PT: And they put me in a lock-up. The first time I got there thats what they do, you know where youve run so much. They call you a runaway. You know you run too much, get away.

So I was thrown in Martenary, and I stayed in Martenary about five years. Till I turned 17.

JR: This is all pretty recent for you.

PT: Yeah, it was pretty bad, bad experience, where you in a place and see bad things, kids that been there longer than I ever have. When you see them take things like bed rails and sticking it up in their arms, stabs. Take their arms and bend their arms back and their legs, put them back. You know, it was very bad experience. A staff she ... choked me to death. Almost killed me. But it didnt happen. Thank God for that.

So I still felt real bad. I felt like I was still being abused everywhere I went. I felt rejected. I always felt like I was left out. I felt like, you know, my parents didnt care about me, just didnt give a darn about me, thats how I felt. And living a rough life, and then coming back here and I end up taking a man whos way older than I was. You know he was like a daddy to me. And I fell in love with him and I thought he was the best in the world, thought he was good, thought he was somebody special, and all that. You know, he treated me right at first beginning, he gave me this what I wanted and gave me money, you know, and then later on it turned out to be real bad. He got on drugs, he wanted me to mess around with other men. As I did, just to please him. But to find out I was messing my own life up. By doing something I shouldnt do. By putting myself out there like - - I call myself a whore at the time I was doing it, you know, like inviting somebody into your house. Cause your man want somebody to come there. He want to smoke dope, he want to use you to get the dope, and you just volunteer and you just do whatever he wants you to do.

And later on I woke up from that. You know I never know if you keep on doing this, you know, somebodys going to come by and theyre going to take me from you. I just never know that. And when I told him that he slowed down from what hed been doing.

But the hitting and everything begin when I was staying in Pitcher Hill on Old Bonifay Road. Apartments up there.... 1998 I think.