Shalof - Opening my heart: a journey from nurse to patient and back again

BOOKS BY TILDA SHALOF

A Nurses Story:
Life, Death, and In-Between in an Intensive Care Unit

The Making of a Nurse

Camp Nurse

Opening My Heart:
A Journey from Nurse to Patient and Back Again

Lives in the Balance (editor)

Copyright 2011 by Tilda Shalof

All rights reserved. The use of any part of this publication reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system, without the prior written consent of the publisher or, in case of photocopying or other reprographic copying, a licence from the Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency is an infringement of the copyright law.

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Shalof, Tilda
Opening my heart : a journey from nurse to patient and back again/Tilda Shalof.

eISBN: 978-0-7710-7994-8

1. Shalof, TildaHealth.
2. HeartSurgeryPatientsCanadaBiography.
3. NursesCanadaBiography. I. Title.

RD598.S53 2011 362.1974120092 C2010-906745-2

We acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Canada through the Book Publishing Industry Development Program and that of the Government of Ontario through the Ontario Media Development Corporations Ontario Book Initiative. We further acknowledge the support of the Canada Council for the Arts and the Ontario Arts Council for our publishing program.

Published simultaneously in the United States of America by McClelland & Stewart Ltd.,
P.O. Box 1030, Plattsburgh, New York 12901

Library of Congress Control Number: 2010940066

McClelland & Stewart Ltd.
75 Sherbourne Street
Toronto, Ontario
M 5 A 2 P 9
www.mcclelland.com

v3.1

Heartfelt thanks to the many people who took care of me and this book, especially:

Dr. Tirone David, Chief of Cardiac Surgery, Toronto General Hospital; Milutin Drobac, Pat McNama, Janet Morse, Len Sternberg, Ivor Teitelbaum, Joy Bartley, Maria Kirchhoff, Marion McRae, Leslie Moffat, Christine Sterpin; staff of CVICU and Cardiology 4 A .

Judy Boychuk-Duchscher, Mary Ferguson-Par, Doris Grinspun, Linda Haslam-Stroud, Paris Jalali, Mary-Lou King, Rosemary Kohr, Ruth Lee, Joan Lesmond, Marlene Medaglia, Judith Shamian, Laura-Lee Walter.

Marilyn Biderman, Elise Dintsman, Daneen DiTosto and family, John Fleming, Joy Friedman, Anna Gersman, Pamela Glass, Tex and Bonnie Shalof, Stephen Grant and Sandra Forbes, Robert Grant, Vanessa Herman-Landau and family, Omri Horwitz and family, Avery Kalpin, Annie Levitan, Solly Katz and family, Elba, Barry, and Nadine Lewis, Robyn, Bob, and Norah Sheppard and family, Michael and Barbara Turner-Vesselago, Chick and Dick Weiner.

The staff of the Medical-Surgical ICU at the Toronto General Hospital, the University Health Network, especially: Robert Bell, Lesley Barrans, Allyson Booth, Sherrill Collings, Nathalie Ct, Ingrid Daley, Belle Dhillon, James Downar, Gail Fairley, Maureen Falkenstein, Marcia Fletcher, Michael Fraser, Maude Foss, John Granton, Laura Hawryluck, Margaret Herridge, Grace Ho-Young, Thileep Kandasamy, Brenda Kisic, Connie Kwan, Neil Lazar, Edna Lee, Vincent Lo, Murry Macdonald, Mindy Madonik, Bella Manos, Kate Matthews, Robert McGregor, Mercelies McHugh, Moira McNeill, Denise Morris, Wendy Radovanovic, Meera Rampersad Kissondath, Juliet Ramsay, Janice Stanley, Andrew Steel, Derek Strachan, Kelly Sundarsingh, Sharon Reynolds, Claire Thomas, Mugs Zweerman; The Critical Care Outreach Team; Arnie Aberman, Wilfred DeMajo, Brian Kavanagh, Stuart Reynolds.

Lauras Line: Lisa Huntington, Ann Flett, Cecilia Fulton, Judith Allan-Kyrinis, Mary Malone-Ryan, Linda McCaughey. The Bagel Club: Stephanie Bedford, Janet Hale, Jasna Tom, and honourary member Amber Verdoni; Eric Bailis of St. Urbain Bagel.

All of Dr. Mehmet Ozs books have been helpful to me in improving my wellness and overall health. An excellent resource on cardiac surgery is www.heart-valve-surgery.com. Shop Class as Soulcraft by Matthew B. Crawford clarified my ideas about the value of hands-on work as it applies to nursing care. For the best writing teacher in the world, check out www.freefallwriting.com.

Everyone at McClelland & Stewart, especially Doug Pepper, Elizabeth Kribs, Terri Nimmo, Scott Richardson, Heather Sangster, Ashley Dunn.

Ivan, Harry, and Max Lewis closest to my heart.

My heart was opened on an operating table and I knew that in order to tell this story, I would have to crack it wide open all over again. However, I am happy to do so if you will find something of your story in mine.

After twenty-five years as a nurse, I suddenly became a patient and was surprised to discover I had a lot to learn on the other side of the bedrails. Being in the hospital can be a confusing and frightening experience, even for me, a seasoned professional, entirely familiar with that world. What helped me the most was staying in charge of my patient experience and working in partnership with all of my caregivers. I show you how you can do that, too.

This is a true story. Details have been changed to protect privacy. Clinical information is accurate, but please consult experts about your medical issues. Dont pull some of the stunts I did: I didnt always make the wisest decisions about my own health care.

This book is for patients and caregivers (most of us will have the chance to be both at one time or another). I hope it is a comforting companion to anyone facing not just cardiac surgery but any hospitalization or illness. Its a lot to ask of a book, but many have done that and more for me.

Heres wishing you strength and courage to take care of yourself and others.

Tilda Shalof, RN, BSCN, CNCC (C)
Spring 2011

The story of my heart begins with an earache in the night.

The ear belongs to my eleven-year-old son, Max, who wakes me, head in his hands, tears welling up. Sleepy mom and hard-boiled nurse that I am, I dope him up with a slurp of purple painkiller syrup and send him back to bed. But in the morning his ear still hurts and hes spiked a temperature, so I take him to the doctor.

The waiting room is packed. How much longer until our turn? I pester the receptionist, but shes too busy to answer. Hovering around the front desk, I scan the rack of doctors business cards. Three general practitioners and an asthma specialist share this office. Oh, a cardiologist, too, and I pocket one of his cards. Some people collect stamps, antiques, or lovers. I collect cardiologists a hobby of mine for years.

Eventually, we get to see Dr. Ivor Teitelbaum. Hes my husbands doctor, and Max and his older brother, Harrys, doctor, but not mine. I dont go to doctors.

Ivor is a handsome, smartly dressed, young-looking middle-aged guy with an old-school manner. Always relaxed, he never rushes us along, despite the bustling waiting room. He examines Max, then offers me his otoscope so I can look into the ear canal myself and see the bulging, inflamed tympanic membrane, severe enough for Ivor to prescribe an antibiotic.

We get up to go, but I pause. This cardiologist I wave the card at Ivor is he any good?

Very. He looks up from writing in Maxs chart. Who needs a cardiologist?

I shoo Max back out to the waiting room, pull up my T-shirt, and nod at the stethoscope around Ivors neck to remind him of my secret. Id had to tell him so that my childrens hearts could be checked for defects. Fortunately, neither inherited my heart problem.