Skinner - Frank Skinner on the Road

Contents

About the Book

Quite possibly the best book about stand-up ever writtenits a staggeringly honest account of the last two years of his life during which time he fell in love and decided to hit the road with a stand-up show some ten years after his last performance. Detailing the intricate way in which a stand-up tries and tests material to create a winning set, its even more informative than Seinfelds seminal documentary ComedianYoure worth every penny, Frank.

James Mullinger, GQ

I cannot recall a book that so entertainingly lays bare the neediness, self-consciousness and weirdness of the professional comics life.

Andy Miller, Daily Telegraph

If you want to know how a celebrity stand-up gets himself back in the swing, its even better than Comedian, the documentary about Jerry Seinfelds painstaking return to the night job.

Dominic Maxwell, The Times

One of the most frank (excuse the pun), funny and best written books ever about being a comedian. Surprisingly brilliant.

Tim Arthur, Time Out

Skinner is insightful, erudite and, naturally, funny when dissecting the craft of writing and performing successful stand-up comedy.

Miranda Collinge, Esquire

[Great Quote to come]

Jimmy Carr

Its f**king brilliant. The best book about stand-up Ive ever read, hands-down. So, f**king well done, I didnt want it to end. Thank you and f**k you and congratulations. Great great great great.

Dennis Leary

Possible extra quote (if theres room):

A fascinating insight into the world, and the insecure mind, of a stand-up comedian

Steve Bennett, Chortle

About the Author

Frank Skinner performed his first stand-up gig in December 1987, and four years later went on to win the prestigious Perrier Award. During the 1990s, Frank established himself as a major name in entertainment both in live comedy and on television. In 1994 and 1997 he sold-out two UK tours, the second of which culminated in a performance at Londons Battersea Power Station what was then the largest ever audience for stand-up comedy in the UK. On television, Frank has created and starred in a succession of hit comedy shows, including nine series of The Frank Skinner Show, from 1995 to 2005; and with his comedy partner David Baddiel Fantasy Football (19942004) and Baddiel and Skinner Unplanned (20002005).

As well as live stand-up and television, Frank has attained three number one hits with the iconic football anthem Three Lions alongside David Baddiel and the Lightning Seeds. He has starred in the West End in both Art and Lee Halls Cooking with Elvis; and his critically acclaimed first book Frank Skinner was the bestselling autobiography of 2002, spending a total of 46 weeks in the Sunday Times bestsellers list. In 2006, Baddiel and Skinners World Cup Podcasts caused an online sensation with over one million downloads, leading to yet another Number One chart hit.

In 2007 Frank Skinner returned to stand-up with another sell-out tour of the UK.

Frank currently splits his time between London and Birmingham and of course, his beloved West Bromwich Albion.

Also by Frank Skinner

Frank Skinner

PART ONE

EDINBURGH

SUNDAY 12 AUGUST 2007

IM SITTING ON the midday train from London to Edinburgh. Tomorrow night I start a two-week run at the Pleasance Cabaret Bar. Its the first time Ive done stand-up comedy at the Festival for ten years. In truth, apart from the odd corporate gig with an audience of business-people whooping at jokes about Paul from Marketings dodgy haircut and a cluster of hit-and-miss warm-up shows earlier this year, its the first time Ive done stand-up anywhere for a decade.

Its fitting that my official return to this job should be at the Edinburgh Festival. I was onstage there, one night in 1988, when I first found my comedy voice; first felt at home with a microphone in my hand, bantering with a mouthy crowd and spitting out punchlines that hit and hit and kept hitting till I, at last, goodnighted them into one big roar. Over the next nine years, there were many nights like that in Edinburgh. I won awards, got knockout reviews and played to packed houses, night after night. But then ten years of television caused me to put stand-up on the back burner. All through that period, people would come up to me in bars, at football matches or just in the street, and say, When you gonna do stand-up again? and theyd follow the question with reminiscences from a show they saw in the nineties, in Worthing, Wolverhampton or Hull. It was brilliant, theyd say. And now Im back to either reinforce that opinion or piss all over it. And I really dont know if Im good enough, if I can do it any more, if Ive lost it.

The train is busy. Im scribbling in my journal, cautiously shielding the page with my left hand. I like writing in public; fresh and hot. Thoughts are liable to go cold if you leave them sitting on the work surface. These last few years, Ive very much taken to keeping a journal. Each year I buy a bigger book, keen to note ever more detail. Im not sure why, but a day doesnt seem to have happened until Ive written it up.

All around me, English voices are charged with expectation. There are a lot of English voices at the Festival, onstage and off. Sometimes, in an audience of two hundred, therell be just three or four Scots. I was thinking of a line I might try:

I probably speak to more Scottish people in London than I do in Edinburgh. Sadly, I dont always HAVE spare change.

I scribble it in my notebook, with additional thoughts: Emphasis on have and then, in brackets, not too early. This latter note is based on the old comedy rule that an audience will tolerate all sorts of dark subjects, bad language and downright abuse as long as its a) funny, and b) not too early in the act. a) is impossible to guarantee, but all b) needs is a wristwatch. The idea is that you take time to establish the audiences love before you put that love to the test.

I like train journeys. In the past, when everyone FLEW to Edinburgh, I always got the train. My carbon footprint was like that delicate scratch a sparrow might leave on a snowbank. Of course, back then I didnt know I was saving the planet. In those days the only news the weather made was Phew! What a scorcher, accompanied by shots of bikini blondes on beach towels in Torquay . That headline has lost a lot of its zing since it started appearing above pictures of dead polar bears.

I like to hear a train at night, as I lie in the darkness of my room. I know its not everyones cup of tea. I got a text from a friend in Melbourne, Australia, last night, asking me if I was already at the Festival. Im getting the train from Kings Cross tomorrow, I texted back.

The train? How Harry Potter! she replied.

Now what did she mean by that? Do Australians see trains as old-fashioned and quirky? She, I think, envisioned a mighty steam engine, thundering through the glens; her imagination cutting to the interior of an oak-panelled carriage, where my right hand reached around an enormous newspaper to grope for a buttered crumpet. Mind you, just as the Hogwarts Express is crammed with wand-wavers and mystics of all levels a fat kid, desperately searching a top hat for a missing rabbit, might sit next to a gaunt and grey-haired man who has duelled with Lucifer this train too, this COMEDY Express, is carrying passengers with a whole range of experience. Jon Plowman, Head of Comedy at the BBC, just said hello as he headed for his seat. I once read an interview with him where he said that comedy is about character, not jokes. To me, thats like saying a cup of tea is about hot water, not tea. This opinion might be influenced by the fact that I have a list of 226 jokes in my bag. Plus a paedophile routine that Ive only tried a couple of times and am still unsure about. (Definitely not too early.) I consider discussing this definition of what constitutes comedy with Mr Plowman, but my thoughts are halted by a woman who comes over to tell me we were on the same bill at the Kings Head Comedy Club in Crouch End one Thursday night, a few months back. As Thursday is essentially a new comedians night , with the odd veteran feeling his way back into the spotlight, I would say she probably has her hand on the rabbit but its still hatbound at the moment.