Spelling - uncharted terriTORI

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ALSO BY TORI SPELLING

sTORI telling

Mommywood

To everyone reading this book...
Find your hope within and let it inspire you on your journey.
Write your own happy ending!

A few weeks ago my friend Jacob was flying Virgin American from New York to L.A. As the plane began its final descent into LAX, the cute and obviously gay lead flight attendant made an announcement to the cabin. He said, Welcome to Los Angeles, birthplace and residence of Tori Spelling. When my friend reported this story to me via email, I thought it was hilarious, but I also didnt know exactly what to make of it. I was born in L.A. Fact. I still live here. Fact. But on what grounds is that of common interest to an airplane full of diverse travelers? Is it a compliment? Is it a joke? A little of both? Of all the famous people, of all the actors, of all the tabloid darlings, of all the gay icons (if I can call myself that), why me?

But as someone who produces and stars in a show that follows my daily life for the entertainment of millions of people (holy crap!), I cant spend too long on questions like that. After 90210 and so many TV movies, my career had slowed, and recently, in my reality show, it has found new life. The name Tori Spelling draws viewers, and it sells magazines, books, a jewelry line, a childrens clothing line. And my name also, apparently, occasionally welcomes certain unsuspecting travelers as they arrive in Los Angeles. So it goes. Ive come to accept that the small moments of my life, my relationship, my family, my business venturesusually in edited, broadcast formare a spectacle. My life is a show. My self is my business. My name is my brand. Its a weird way to live, and maybe Ill never get used to it, but at the same time business is booming.

My life has changed dramatically in the past several years. I married Dean; we moved several times; we had two children; we created a show that has gone into its fifth season on the air. I have love. I have a family. I have a home. I have work. Its all I ever wished for. But trying to be a perfect wife, mother, and mini mogul has its challenges, especially if, like me, you want to be perfect at all of them at the same time.

Turns out Im officially a workaholic. I think Ive always been a bit more driven than anybody realized, myself included. I have ideas. I want to try new things. I see business opportunities. The difference is that before Tori & Dean was a success, nobody ever cared what harebrained scheme I was dreaming up. Nobody expected anything of me. Nobody took me seriously. Nobody would have wanted to partner with me. I didnt have the means to make any of it come to pass. Now I have the power. Now theres no excuse not to act on a big idea. Now I can back it up. I have a show. I have two successful lines. I have two bestselling books. I own a well-known brand. (You know, Tori Spelling . Whod a thunk it?)

I was poised to be a workaholic. In the seven years between 90210 and Tori & Dean, my acting work came and went. Being an underemployed actor as I was puts the fear in you. I am nobody. Ill never work again. If I can just get a break Ill make the most of it, I swear. I developed a strike-while-the-irons-hot mentality. I dont want to miss a single opportunity.

Im finally in a position where ideas that I have can actually blossom into businesses. When I shop for new bedding, I cant help thinking, Maybe I could do a line of Hollywood Regencyinspired shams . I spend a day doing crafts with the kids and start fantasizing about developing a kids crafts show or magazine sharing the joys of homemade play dough and pipe cleaner animals. I cook dinner and envision a recipe book with my nannys special shepherds pie. I hobble out of an event, barefoot, with four-inch heels in hand, and fantasize about Tori Spellingbranded disposable micro flip-flops. (Somebody please run with that.)

I want to do a show with Dean where we put together dream weddings on a budget: its on! Theres an opportunity for me to do the talk show Ive always dreamed of? So what if its all day, every day, forty-four weeks a year, I want to do it! My agents worried Im going to drop dead. Can we clone me? I wonder. Nah, the clone wouldnt do it right. Yeah, I got the whole workaholic package, which means Im so completely incapable of delegating that I couldnt even delegate to my own clone. People talk all the time about leaving work behind at the end of the day, about how important it is to draw a dividing line between your job and your life. But my job is to be Tori Spelling. I cant exactly take a break.

In some ways I feel like Im turning into my father. Dad was a workaholic. He was productive, work was lucrative, but it never stopped. When I was little I hardly noticed. I thought every father came home long after dinner and baths were over, just in time to kiss his children good night.

Even late in his career, my father never stopped caring about every detail of every show. On weekends he would come home with a briefcase full of scripts. Wed go out to the pool together, Id click open the briefcase, and wed sit next to each other reading. He dog-eared the pages where he had notes, just as I now do with scripts. By the time he was finished with a script, every single page would be folded over and every line of the script would be rewritten. When we first started 90210 he even brought home Polaroids of the wardrobe options for Brenda and Brandon. He couldnt delegate either.

Ultimately I feel like my father died because he could no longer work. When he stopped working he went quickly downhill. There was no adjusting to a new focus and pace at that age. He didnt know how to just be.

Twitterthe way I use Twitter, is a perfect example of how it never stops, how I never stop. Sometimes Dean is sleeping next to me in bed while I tweet until one a.m. I tweet what Ive prepared for the kids holiday parties at school. I post what movie I watched that night. I check to see how many followers I have. I check to see how many followers Brooke Burke and Denise Richards have (theyre in the big leagues, each with over a million followers). Im obsessed with how many followers I have and what makes them decide to follow me or to stop following me. If I talk about cute things the kids are doing, my followers drop off. If I retweet news items, people sign on. If I dont tweet for a day, I gain a hundred followers. When I posted that I watched Paranormal Activity , I gained fifty-six followers. Why, why, why?

I tell myself Im doing it for the fans and for my business; Im building my brand. And I do use Twitter that way. For Little Maven, my kids clothing line, I went on Twitter to do a model search. People posted photos of their children to Twitter, and I selected models for our look booka catalogue for retail buyersand website. My followers know that its me looking at the pictures. Im the one whos picking their kids. They know that Im not doing a celebrity endorsement, that Im actually at the helm of my business. And they also know that Im the one whos dropping my kids off at school. Because I tweet about it afterwards. Its kind of like Im stalking myself, but it doesnt feel creepy. It makes me feel connected to people. If Im going to be a brand, its nice to feel like people really know me. But I also see how my obsessive twittering can be unhealthy. Nothing is private, nothing is sacred. Dean is asleep next to me, and I should be sleeping too. Im more stressed than Ive ever been in my life.