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Crackpot : the obsessions of John Waters.1st Scribner trade pbk. ed.
p. cm.
Originally published: New York :Vintage Books, 1987. With additional essays.
1. American wit and humor. I. Title
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
John Waters Tour of L.A. originally appeared in Rolling Stone, July 1985, in a slightly different form.
Whatever Happened to Showmanship? originally appeared in American Film, December 1983, in a slightly different form.
Hatchet Piece (101 Things I Hate) originally appeared in National Lampoon, November 1985, in a slightly different form.
The Pia Zadora Story originally appeared in American Film, July-August 1985, in a slightly different form.
Going to Jail originally appeared in American Film, April 1985, in a slightly different form.
Why I Love the National Enquirer originally appeared in Rolling Stone, October 1985, in a slightly different form.
Ladies and Gentlemen the Nicest Kids in Town! originally appeared in Baltimore, April 1985, in a slightly different form.
How to Become Famous originally appeared in National Lampoon, May 1985, in a slightly different form.
Guilty Pleasures originally appeared in Film Comment, August 1983, in a slightly different form.
Why I Love Christmas originally appeared in National Lampoon, December 1985, in a slightly different form.
Hail Mary originally appeared in American Film, January 1986, in a slightly different form.
Celebrity Burnout originally appeared in Rolling Stone, December 1985, in a slightly different form.
Finally, Footlights on the Fat Girls originally appeared in The New York Times, August 11, 2002, in a slightly different form.
Catty Corner originally appeared in Detour, August 2000, in a slightly different form.
Crimes of Fashion: A Look Inside the Criminal Wardrobe originally appeared in Details, June 1991, in a slightly different form.
The Independent Spirit Awards 2001 monologues were originally delivered March 24, 2001, in a slightly different form.
John Waters Presents: Boom! originally appeared in Premiere, April 1996, in a slightly different form.
The Independent Spirit Awards 2002 monologues were originally delivered March 23, 2002, in a slightly different form.
Stalker originally appeared as Crimes of Fashion in Allure, July 1995, in a slightly different form.
The Independent Spirit Awards 2003 monologues were originally delivered March 22, 2003, in a slightly different form.
If I Were President originally appeared in George, August 2000, in a slightly different form.
Directors Commentary
Its been over fifteen years since Crackpot was first published, and Im proud to say its never gone out of print. But after rereading it, I realize a lot has changed since I first wrote it. Divine and Edith Massey are dead, Pia Zadoras retired, Patricia Hearst is free and pardoned, and her nightmare is finally over (the Feds owe her an apology, tooshe was always telling the truth). And, of course, I hadnt made Hairspray (the movie) yet, so it wasnt safe to like me. Even the thought of Hairspray, the hit Broadway musical, would have been heresy.
Fredericks of Hollywood has now spread to Middle America, Mrs. McMartin and her schoolteacher pals didnt molest anybody, and Lana Turners hairdresser turned against her and wrote a tell-all book immediately after she died. In newly released transcripts of the Nixon White House tapes its revealed that Diane Linkletter was not on LSD when she jumped out of her window it was all antidrug, Republican, Timothy Leary-bashing hype. And I guess its finally OK to reveal that the adviser of political affairs for Ronald Reagan who invited me to the White House to discuss exploitation movies was the now deceased but still controversial Lee Atwater.
Ive been lucky; some things I wished for in Crackpot have come true. Hubert Selby, Jr., did write another book, and a magazine (Artforum) does call me every year and ask for my list of Ten Best Films. William Castles autobiography Step Right Up! Im Gonna Scare the Pants Off America was rereleased , and I got to write the introduction and meet his lovely family.
When my favorite Baltimore lesbian stripper, Zorro, died recently and I read her obituary in the local paper, I finally had a lead to her past. Like a private detective I located Zorros daughter in Oregon, and imagine my surprise when she told me she had read what I had written about her mother in Crackpot and had already wrapped up a package of vintage publicity stills of her mom to send me in remembrance. Zorros daughter and I have become friends, and I keep encouraging her to write her own book about her upbringing. Ive heard some of these stories, and God, my life seems tame.
Sometimes things I hoped for didnt come true. Even though I predicted that after I turned fifty Id start drawing my mustache on in blue , I still dont have the nerve. Ive tried it. It looks good. Maybe Im just a chicken in the Indian summer of my years.
My 101 Things I Love and Hate (Chapters 6 and 3) arent always the same anymore, either. I now love brussels sprouts (as long as theyre not so overcooked that every vitamin is dead on arrival), yogurt (if its scarily plain like spackle and no-fat), and Ive switched from Vintage Seltzer Water to Evian because Valentino, the fashion designer, told me (with a straight face) that bubbles make you fat. I do wear a seat belt now, because a talented photographer friend of mine was killed in a minor car accident because he wasnt wearing one. And after reading journalist Oriana Fallacis new book (The Rage and the Pride), I think I hate her now rather than love her.
The warden of the prison where I taught (see Chapter 5) got canned because her parole board released a murderer who did it again (nobody griped about all the killers released who didnt). She later ran a bed-and-breakfast and even wanted me to read a movie script she had written. I guess I got fired along with her, although I still visit my teachers pet who is serving a life sentence or two.
An editor at