James Haskell - Ruck Me

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First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2021

FIRST EDITION

James Haskell 2021

Cover design by Claire Ward HarperCollinsPublishers 2021

Cover photograph Jay Brooks 2021

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

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Source ISBN: 9780008472221

Ebook Edition November 2021 ISBN: 9780008472245

Version: 2021-10-07

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I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.

Jack London

Why another book? I imagine they asked Tolstoy the same question after the publication of War and Peace, and Dickens after writing Great Expectations. Well, lets just say my first book What a Flanker raised more questions than it answered (and it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that it sold more copies than expected and the publishers offered me better money to write this one).

Who is James Haskell? Why do people think hes a dickhead (even his wife)? Why do some people no longer think hes a dickhead? What is a dickhead, anyway? What was it about his typical childhood the summers in Rangoon, the luge lessons, the making of meat helmets in the spring that made him the man he has become? Was it his humble schooling that made him the reserved, unassuming adult Haskell we see today? Was it the fluffy world of rugby union that made him the very model of a modern man?

To answer these questions and others like, What percentage of the jokes I come out with over dinner are shit? and, Why do I spend my time arguing with trolls and trolls wives on Instagram when I could be having a cup of tea and a Hobnob with an actual mate in real life? and, Do I really have the mind of a serial killer? I have taken a trip through the foothills, the peaks and the canyons of my life, from the cradle to digging in a quarry in a JCB.

Along the way, I have spoken to some of the most important people I know my mother, my wife, schoolmates, teachers, ex-teammates, ex-coaches, business partners, Kevin the security guard in Waitrose (though he didnt make the cut) in an attempt to make more sense of me. Why the intense shyness in public? Why the almost feminine sensitivity? Why the pathological hatred of confrontation? On reflection, I have to say that most of them had no idea what they were talking about, and at times I wonder if they werent in fact recounting the life of someone else entirely, but they gave it a good crack, bless them. To be honest, my publishers wouldnt let me extend the deadline for this book by interviewing some actual Haskell aficionados or in fact people who appeared to like me.

So join me on an epic odyssey of discovery like no other a Haskovery, if you will. You will laugh, you will weep, you might still think Im a dickhead at the end of it. Whatever you think, I will keep bouncing back and most definitely have the last laugh.

Paul Doran-Jones, best friend & England teammate:

Why do people think James is going to be a dickhead? Because he is.

Ollie Phillips, Stade Franais teammate:

Its true, when people find out Im mates with Hask, theyll roll their eyes and say, Isnt he a dickhead? And I think some of his Stade Franais teammates thought he was a dickhead at the beginning. Fair enough, to be honest.

Hask is an expressive person who wins people over with his brashness and crass wit. Or at least thats normally his approach in England. But he didnt speak French, apart from rude words. So when he first walked into the changing room and some of his teammates started shouting, Fucking ell, its askell! Fucking rosbif , its the little English gay! he started calling them all wankers and telling them to suck his cock ( suce ma bite , as every naughty schoolboy will know). Most people in that situation would be shy and timid, but he went the other way completely. What kind of person walks into their first day of work in a foreign country and starts abusing his colleagues? James Haskell, thats who.

Remember, hed just left Wasps, his childhood club, and this was the first time hed played abroad. Hed taken a big risk by moving to Stade, because most people thought it would put his England career in jeopardy. Hed just broken up with his first long-term missus. His life was pretty complicated. But he didnt seem to give a shit. And once his teammates got over the shock of this massive English bloke turning up every morning and slagging them all off, they learned to love him. He won their respect by training hard, being the most professional member of the team and delivering in games. It was clear that he really wanted the club to do well. And they soon began to see past the brashness and realise that he was actually a really good lad. Soon, if Hask wasnt abusing them, theyd be disappointed. That was part of his charm.

Thanks, lads. What a way to start this book off. Two of your best mates confirming what most people suspected, that I am a bit of a dickhead. But, to be fair, I dragged them into this. And as Jules said to Vincent in Pulp Fiction, If my answers frighten you, then you should cease asking scary questions.

More on my time in France a bit later, but what readers need to know for now is that Ive never really fitted in and always been a bit of a wrong un, at least in some peoples eyes. Back in school, I was never particularly popular. I divided opinion, was probably liked and disliked in equal measure. I know what youre thinking: Marmite. I should have that word chiselled into my headstone: HERE LIES JAMES MARMITE HASKELL THEY LOVED HIM OR HATED HIM.

Id describe myself as anti-cool, especially at Wellington College, which I joined when I was 13. I had good friends, but I was never one of those kids who was liked by everyone, from the geeks and the alternative kids to the jocks. Plenty of my current friends were those super-cool kids liked by everyone, invited to all the parties that was certainly not me. Now, I finally know my value and spend time with people who enjoy my company. But when youre at school, it doesnt work like that. Youre thrown into the mix and its sink or swim. I was outspoken, had a sharp tongue, which some people couldnt hack. If someone had a go at me, I never really had the self-restraint not to give it back, whether they were older or younger. That can make things a little difficult for you when you are young. Saying that, some people still cant hack it now.