Pamela Richardson - A Kidnapped Mind: A Mothers Heartbreaking Memoir of Parental Alienation

A Kidnapped Mind

A Mothers
Heartbreaking Story of
Parental Alienation Syndrome

Pamela Richardson

with Jane Broweleit

Foreword by Dr. Reena Sommer

DUNDURN PRESS
TORONTO

Copyright Pamela Richardson, 2006

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise (except for brief passages for purposes of review) without the prior permission of Dundurn Press. Permission to photocopy should be requested from Access Copyright.

Copy-editor: Patricia Kennedy

Design: Jennifer Scott

Printer: University of Toronto Press

Though this story is based on actual events, some names have been changed to protect the identity of the persons involved.

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Richardson, Pamela

A kidnapped mind : a mother's heartbreaking story of parental alienation syndrome / Pamela Richardson.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN-10 1-55002-624-0

ISBN-13: 978-1-55002-624-5

1. Parental alienation syndrome. 2. Richardson, Pamela. 3. Mothers and sons--Canada--Biography. I. Title.

1 2 3 4 5 10 09 08 07 06

We acknowledge the support of the Canada Council for the Arts and the Ontario Arts Council for our publishing program. We also acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Canada through the Book Publishing Industry Development Program and The Association for the Export of Canadian Books, and the Government of Ontario through the Ontario Book Publishers Tax Credit program, and the Ontario Media Development Corporation.

Care has been taken to trace the ownership of copyright material used in this book. The author and the publisher welcome any information enabling them to rectify any references or credit in subsequent editions.

J. Kirk Howard, President

Printed and bound in Canada.

www.dundurn.com

This book could never have happened without the spunky and talented young writer Jane Broweleit. She rolled up her sleeves and dug into the stacks and stacks of legal briefs, letters, affidavits, and documents that had absorbed twelve years of my life, taking my burning passion and driving force and getting it down, making it a reality. Jane co-wrote with me for over two years, lending her valuable intellect, her compassion and warmth, her humour and tears. For this story, Jane became me. It is my voice you have here, my heart, my despair, my tears and joy, but it is her conjuring that brought it to the page. It is a credit to her and her alone that A Kidnapped Mind is not a story only in my head and heart, but a book. We are forever bound because of that time so much time spent huddled in my library with endless cups of tea and coffee, or on the phone or e-mailing each other from all parts of the country, at all times of the day and night. Janes commitment to this book was overwhelming. I give her this very special thanks.

There were many others. I know that I could not have endured writing such a deeply painful, honest, and ultimately cathartic book without the help of Ann-Marie Metten, an insightful and gifted B.C. editor, who worked with Jane and me throughout. She was more than just our editor, she was our third eye. With Ann-Maries crucial help, guidance, and tenacity, we sought and I think found the balance required to set the story free. Beverley Slopen, my agent, was consistently positive that she would find the right home for our work. She did, and I cannot thank Kirk Howard, Tony Hawke, Beth Bruder, Alison Pennels, and Barry Jowett at The Dundurn Group enough, with special thanks to the keen and meticulous eye of my editor, Pat Kennedy. My friends Sandy, Joan, Lois, Molly, Dithy, Teresa, Catherine, Susan, and Leslie were always close, always encouraging and patient, and became the backbone I needed so often to stay strong. Daves parents and mine were deprived of a beloved grandson, but cherished the times they did share with Dash. My brother Dave and his wife, Beverly, held me, both physically and emotionally, in their strong, loving arms during my years of struggle to see Dash and during my years of struggle to put it all on paper. My sons, Colby and Quinten, saw me sitting into the night on too many occasions, writing, editing, ankle deep in legal papers, totally immersed. And my husband, Dave as throughout our life together has been the solid rock I could not think about living without. Amy Thomas, our beloved Mimi, who looked after all of us and nurtured the nurturer. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

As A Kidnapped Mind illustrates, many people turn the other way. I want to thank those of you who stood behind your words and allowed your names to be included in this book. Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) touches tens of thousands of people in this world, and none of them get off lightly. They we all feel the fallout. This is a nonprofit book, with all proceeds going to The Dash Foundation, formed to help increase awareness of the damage that can be done by alienating a child from a once-loved parent. It is child abuse, and it can kill. I also wrote A Kidnapped Mind as the last gift to my wonderful, brave, brown-eyed son, Dash.

This, my darling, is for you.

Children enter this world completely dependent upon those usually their parents who are entrusted with their care. Parenting styles and the ability to parent may vary, but most manage this important life task quite successfully. Nevertheless, some children are failed by parents who are incapable of childrearing.

Mothers and fathers who are limited by physical or mental disabilities, poor health, alcohol or substance abuse, criminality, poverty, war, or other problems, often lack the ability, and at times even the desire, to invest in their childrens upbringing. Children in these situations are either left to fend for themselves or are cared for by family members, friends and neighbours, or social agencies.

But another class of parents has also been found to fail at appropriately protecting, nurturing, educating, and guiding their children. Mothers and fathers in this relatively new and emerging group do not fit the stereotype of the deficient and ill-equipped parent. Instead, these parents are generally articulate, resourceful, and competent in all other aspects of their lives except in the realm of parenting. In fact, these individuals might easily be mistaken for ideal parents, except to the properly informed, because they profess love and concern for their children. What sets these individuals apart from other dysfunctional parents is their overwhelming commitment to meeting their own needs first. In doing so, they destroy the relationship their children have with the other parent at whatever cost.