Damon Wayans - Bootleg

I was very sad to see my brothers show get canceled because out of the three black talk showsKeenens, Sinbads, and MagicsI think that Keenen had the best one. At least he was good looking, articulate, and occasionally funny. Sinbad is a good friend of mine, and I love him, but, I just think hes too yellow to be on TV. I never had to use the hue button before on my remote control until he showed up in late night. The first time I watched the show I said to my wife, Is something wrong with my hue? My tint must be off. Is the brotha supposed to be pink with freckles? And the damn contrast must be broken cause I cant believe that hes wearing a purple, red, and green outfit.

Sinbad should have fired everyone in the wardrobe department. One time he came out with balloon pants, a tuxedo jacket, and sneakers. Even Prince used to laugh at the way Sinbad dressed. And another thing, Sinbad thought talk show meant hes supposed to talk during the whole damn show. Have you ever watched Sinbad do an interview? He asks a question and then answers it. All the guest can do is shake his head.

Sinbad goes off like, Man, I saw you in your last movie. You was good, too, and, man, you had that pretty girl. Whats that pretty girls name? Cause I worked with a pretty girl that looked like that pretty girl, she had big breastsPlow!and butt all over the room, HA HA HA. She was fine, too, but hey, do you do your own stunts? Cause I know somebody that did that, fell down, broke his back, he aint worked since. They replaced him with two midgets, HA HA HA. Man, I would never do my own stunts, cause I aint gettin any younger and neither is this interview. Listen, we out of time. Why dont you come back and do the show again?

Uh, yeah I the guest would try to answer.

Sinbad would flap his arms, saying, Im sure you can. Everyone give him a hand. Up next a funky fresh fella from Philly that never fakes the funk. Hes the original funk master funkateer, Bootsy Collins.

Then, there was Magic. Who the hell told Magic that he should do a talk show? Anybody that says bassetball, repeated says bassetball, doesnt have any business doing a talk show. Im sure that sometime in his life someone tried to correct him. When he was a little boy his mom mustve tried.

Magics Mother: Hey, Earvin, what are you going to be when you grow up?

Magic: I wanna blay BASSETBALL.

Magics Mother: Now, Earvin, its called BAS-KET-BALL BASKETBALL.

Magic: Thats what I said, BASSETBALL. BASSETBALL, BASSETBALL

Magics Mother: Well, baby, I hope you can play it cause you sure cant say it.

Magic went through college. He was in the NBA. Someone had to sit him down and try to make him say it correctly. Im sure when he was with the LA Lakers Coach Pat Riley must have pulled him aside.

Riley: Magic, if youre gonna represent the game you have to say it the right way. Its called BASKETBALL. BAS-KET-BALL Now you try.

Magic: BASSETBALL BAS-SET-BALL Danks, Toach!

Riley: Ah, yeah, well, Im glad you can play it cause you sure cant say it. Thats enough practice for today. Tomorrow well work on saying coach.

I was actually sad to see his show get canceled because it gave me a lot of laughs, most of them for the wrong reasons. But Ill take comedy any way I can get it. I wanted to be on his show so that I could sit down and be the one to figure out what he was saying when he went to commercial. It always sounded like, Yall dick around and mill be might back after a bird from our bonsor.

Id sit there thinking, Did he just say might back or did Buckwheat just grow up and get a talk show?

I saw one show where he had Howard Stern on as his only guest. Howard Stern prides himself on being a jerk. Then, he talks about how flat his ass is, how big his nose is, and how tiny his dick is. So, he doesnt leave you room for retaliation. He was very disrespectful to Magic. He asked Magic if he had fun contracting HIV, and Magic just being a nice man sat there and tried to smile it off. If that was me, I wouldve spit in his mouth right in the middle of that question and I wouldnt have stopped there. I wouldve leaned over and bit him and drew blood and then asked him, Now, did you have bun catching HIB? Yall dick around well be might back after a word from our bonsor.

After that show, Magic should have fired everybody that worked with him. He was ill advised. I knew Magics show was in trouble from the start. His first show Magic picked Arnold Schwarzenegger as the lead guestanother man who cant talk! I didnt understand either one of them during the interview.

Magic: Oh, Arnold, you beally great man. I doryo lass moobie. It was babulous. The way they blow you up, man, that was fantastic. I fell like I was watching Michael Chordan duckin fro the free trow line.

Arnold: Oh yeah, Magic. OH AHH EHH OH OOH SEE.

Magic: Juss hole on, Ahnol. We want you to binish your dory. But we wanna pay a bill right naw. Yall dick around well be might back with Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, and Mike Tyson after a bird from our bonsor.