Seth Cardorra - Babalon: Adventures in Sex Magick

BABALON

Adventures in Sex Magick

by Seth Cardorra

Copyright 2017 by Seth Cardorra

1. Introduction

In the beginning was Babalon.

And then there was Dick.

Once upon a time, I was a simple Dick, not the original Dick, but a very fine example of Dick. According to the Greek philosopher, if I am Dick, and Dick is a concept, there must be an Ultimate Dick out there some place that is the foundation for all other Dicks. I do not claim to be the Ultimate Dick, but I can tell you I have been one very Big Dick during my years on Spaceship Earth.

Let us return to Babalon, or Babs if you like pet names, and everyone does so let's go with that.

Her secret name is Barbara Ann. This is something of great importance and should not be used unless you are in a place of great turmoil. Such as the PA Turnpike at 3 PM. Hush! We will speak no more of this name, for it is filled with terror and bad Internet connections.

And Here I must make the dedication to Babs least she kicketh my butt.

Babs.

She who glistens with oil and is seated on a throne of five football helmets; whose crown is the full moon, colored silver as the Federal Reserve; who wears a wreath of Hawaiian flowers about Her heck and has big breasts like those in the magazines; who is steel-eyed and clad in a tight red dress; who holds an appointment book and a diamond necklace while displaying the gestures of Oral Pleasure and Come Hither; I meditate upon the that Supreme Sister of Hotness, whom all adult books praise.

Hail Babs.

Babs, I praise your 69 names and forms. I strive to master each position you have bestowed upon me, even if my leg went to sleep when I tried number 56. Babs, who finds me hot dates for a Saturday night and protects those who are pale and burn easy in the sun. Babs, who rides a golden SUV and tosses silver dollars to those close enough to avoid the military escort. Babs, whom I make offering to every morning after the cold shower. Babs, who is my key holder when I am overcome by temptations of the flesh. Babs, whose gaze of love pierces my left nipple like a silver ring and shield from the Sailor Dicks in Atlantic City. Babs, whose nail polish glistens it the moonlight and whose red hair flows in the face of Her consort while the universe is engulfed by Her soft thighs of love.

Hail Babs again.

Babs, who is surrounded by fiery attendants with fuel-injected engines. Babs, who spanks the rear of those who disappoint Her. Babs, who thrusts Her oiled fist of justice into the open orifice of hate all the way to Her elbow of righteousness. Babs, I wear your barcode on my left buttocks and hide it each day from those who would stare in disbelief. Teach me your ways, Babs, and please put that oak paddle down because I promise to be good boy the next time.

Babs. Babs. Bada-Bing-Babs.

How did I find Babs? Or did she find me? The Prophet knowest not as he is Dick. And he knows Dick because Dick is who he is and shall ever be. Babs knows Dick but she does not know Jack who is in possession of great knowledge. The greatest awareness is of the Shite Nation and Dick does know Jack Shite. Although it is by Babs Will alone and someday he may lose Her grace and then it will be Jack Off.

Note the power of the numerical significance of Jack and Dick. They are 13 and 13 the sum of which is 26 which is the feminine form of Jack and as he become Jackie O. But only with size 13 pumps at the bar down by the canal, which we knowest not to admit in public. Let us speak no more of Jackie, least the Sacred Merkin show disfavor.

Prophet Dick encountered Babs in the back of a public house one night during a deep and profound meditation. The governor of the public house told him to go forth that evening and leave the unescorted women alone as they wished to imbibe their refreshments in peace. After five potent potions of John Barleycorn, Dick was true to his name and earned the designation Creeper from two and five maidens. And then Dick offered to relieve them of their maidenhood burdens. Dick was seized by Four Holy Hands of St. Bounce and propelled into a higher level of awareness until he met with the pavement.

As Dick meditated on the cool hard surface of the concrete, he became aware of a bright light that shone from the back of the public house. He traveled to the back entrance of the public house and spied a brilliant mercury arc lamp that illuminated the refuse. There, Dick sat down and began to reflect on his own karma and dharma choices in this incarnation.

Thus, did Dick realize he was the receiver of The Divine Shaft and all that it plunged. His mind was seized by the realization borne of hard contact with a stone surface. Dick cried out to the Lord of the Universe or anyone who would take his toll call collect. And then Dick did not receive an answer or even directory assistance. Dick wept at the utter lack of a universe who had not one final Jack to give.

Then did Dick hear the sound of sharp stilettos on the rough surface before him.

Son of Rich, the voice called out to him, why are you such a Dick?

I knowest not Dick, he told the tall woman clothed in the parking lot lights, how can I be Dick if I knowest less than Jack?

A large ledger book fell down from the sky and landed in front of Dicks visage. It was followed by a fountain pen made from black ivory. The inkpot descended next and bounced off the ledger, striking Dick in the nose. Dick saw that the ink glowed in the bottle and it was good.

Dick looked up at the woman clothed in the parking lot light. Who art thou that I may call you, Blessed of Women? he cried out to Her. By now, Dick was on his knees.

I am known by many names, the voice called down to him. Some call me Babalon, some call me Ishtar, some know me as Mildred, but I am known through the ages as Barbara Ann. You shall call me Babs, because I like to keep it simple and it fits better at the bottom of a promotion sheet. Bow, Dick and receive my blessing.

Dick did place his head down to touch the dust of Her feet, but found Her gone. As he waited for further instructions, he heard Her behind him.

Well, done, servant, she told him. You know how to assume the position and keep it. Now, show Babs your full moon.

Dick did raise the moon for Babs to see and waited for more instruction as he held his pants up to keep them from touching the ground.

Prepare to receive the Blessing of Babs, Dick, he heard behind him. Babs shall cleave your heart with the long sword of elastomer soon as she gets the strap adjusted. These things are supposed to be custom fit.

Babs anointed the moon of Dick with sacred oils distilled from Myrrh and non-petroleum based sources. She sheathed Her sword in the sacred O-ring and pierced Dick through the cleft in his moon nine times for each age of the universe and to make him remember who was in charge. Each time Dick felt his mind expanded. He felt places he didnt know that had nerves. He cried out the sacred words Ow! with each thrust.

Rise, Dick, Babs told him as she pulled Her flexible sword out his inner heart. Pull thy trousers up, least thou are hauled before a magistrate. You have received the blessing of Babs and took it like a big boy. Back on your knees and eyes down!

After hes adjusted the belt of leatHer, Dick dropped to his knees again and starred at the shoes of Babs. In front of him was arranged the book, pen and inkpot.

Open the book, Babs thundered at Dick. He did at was instructed.

Dick discovered the book consisted of lined, blank pages. The name of its manufacturer was printed in gold and it appeared to be any book you might find at the office supply company. Dicks heart was full of confusion. He looked up at Babs and was puzzled.

I do not understand, Babs, he said to Her. I seek wisdom from the book and find it naught. Its pages are white. Do my eyes see and not understand?