Ollivier Pourriol - The French Art of Not Trying Too Hard

This book came about as the result of a conversation with my publisher and friend, Elsa Lafon. Its important to specify friend because we werent working at the time, we were just having dinner. It wasnt a professional discussion; I wasnt there to outline a project or negotiate a contract. It was just a conversation for conversations sake, over a simple family meal and a good bottle of wine. In fact, I cant even remember what we were talking aboutmaybe about the children, who were still running around and should have been in bed. What effort we expendedto no availtrying to get them to do what we wanted! Maybe it would have been best just to ignore them and wait for them to tire themselves out. Sooner or later theyd go to sleep. After all, that night was slightly special: there was no school the next day. What greater pleasure, for a child, than to end up falling asleep on the sofa, lulled by the adults conversation? Late to bed, happy to bedit makes for sweet memories. How right you are, Elsa said. Why struggle? Lets have another glass of wine.

A few minutes later the children were gently sleeping, through no effort on our part, without our even noticing. In the end it was easy, Elsa said. And I think thats when we started talking about it. Easewhat a marvelous subject. We always think we have to make a huge effort in order to get good results, that we have to suffer to be beautiful and must work hard for everything, whether its seducing someone, or learning to play the piano, or tennis, or to speak a foreign language. Even therapists talk about working on yourself, because we are taught at a very young age that everything must be earned, that effort brings just rewards, and that nothing comes from nothing. But I am convinced that the opposite is true. In certain cases, making an effort is not just useless, its actually counterproductive. No one ever became more beautiful by suffering, for example. Unless they love suffering for its own sake. Beauty rests rather on serenity, on tranquility, on being at peace with oneself. Im not saying theres no point in making any effort at all, but rather that there are some goals that can only be reached indirectly. By sincerely abandoning any attempt to attain them. Without aiming for them. In other words, easily. Seduction, for example: what could be less seductive than someone whos trying to seduce you? Its too directtheres no room for naturalness, or imagination. If you try, youre bound to fail. In fact, youve failed before youve even started. Its obvious: when youre trying to get someone to like you, you become clumsy, precisely because youre trying not to be. But the reverse is also truewhat could be more seductive than someone who isnt making a play for you, whos happy just to be, and do their own thing? Seduction is the art of succeeding without trying, without taking aim. Its a question of charm, really. In essence, its a foregone conclusion. And we know it. Either theres a magnetism between two people or there isnt. So why bother being shy, or paralyzed by your goal? There is no goal, no target to be hit, no mountain to be climbed.

Take cooking, for example. Think of the times youve been chatting away to a friend, enjoying yourself, and forgot to turn down the gas on the stove. Oh well, those onions will be nicely caramelized now. It even holds true for washing up: when you burn a pan the best thing is to let it soak, rather than to scrub at it like a maniac. Im not saying you should never scrub, but that you need to know when theres no point in scrubbing. Letting time do its work doesnt mean youll never do any yourself. It just means working more efficiently.

I love airport books, the kind you buy just before you get on a plane, that you read while looking out the window. Books you read out of the corner of your eye, but which imperceptibly change your way of seeing and behaving. Not quite philosophy, not quite journalism, nor personal development; more like a journalism of ideas, along the lines of Malcolm Gladwell. He gets interested in an idea, investigates it to see how it has changed peoples lives, and then writes an article or a book on it. If I had to write an airport book, Id write one about ease.

Elsa put down her glass. So when do we publish?

This book was born that day, out of a conversation that was going nowhere in particular, over a dinner between friends. It too was born out of the corner of someones eye, in keeping with its subject: easily. It wasnt a project, there was no effort to make, no prior intention, no one to convince, no negotiation. It was just perfectly obvious. Its the book youre reading right now. I hope it will fulfill its purpose in the same way as it came into being: without trying. And that you will find in the pages that follow the natural flow of the conversation that inspired it.