Charles Stross - Rule 34

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Table of Contents

Ace Books by Charles Stross

SINGULARITY SKY
IRON SUNRISE
ACCELERANDO
THE ATROCITY ARCHIVES
GLASSHOUSE
HALTING STATE
SATURNS CHILDREN
THE JENNIFER MORGUE
WIRELESS
THE FULLER MEMORANDUM
RULE 34

THE BERKLEY PUBLISHING GROUP
Published by the Penguin Group
Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
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(a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd.)

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South Africa

Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

This is an original publication of The Berkley Publishing Group.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

Copyright 2011 by Charles Stross.

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the authors rights. Purchase only authorized editions. ACE and the A design are trademarks of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Stross, Charles.

p. cm.

ISBN : 978-1-101-51664-5

1. Women detectivesScotlandFiction. 2. Ex-convictsCrimes againstFiction. 3. Computer crimesInvestigationFiction. 4. MurderInvestigationFiction. I. Title. II. Title: Rule thirty-four.

PR6119.T79R85 2011

823.92dc22

2011008662

http://us.penguingroup.com

For George and Leo

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

No author works in a vacuum, and this book in particular benefited from the critical input of dozens of people. First and foremost Id like to thank my agent Caitlin Blasdell for her patience and perseverance. Id also like to thank my test readers, notably Stew Wilson, Marcus Rowland, Vernor Vinge, Sean Eric Fagan, David Skogsberg, Jeffrey Wilson, David Goldfarb, Soon Lee, Skip Huffman, Ross Younger, Harry and Omega, Dave Brown, Milena Popova, Anthony Cunningham, and Roy vreb.

(If Ive forgotten to mention you, please accept my grovelling apologies.)

In Scotland, you cant believe how strong the homosexuals are.

TELEVANGELIST PAT ROBERTSON, ON THE 700 CLUB , 1999 (ATTRIB: BBC NEWS)

Part 1

LIZ: Red Pill, Blue Pill

Its a slow Tuesday afternoon, and youre coming to the end of your shift on the West End control desk when Sergeant McDougall IMs you: INSPECTOR WANTED ON FATACC SCENE.

Jesus fucking Christ, you subvocalize, careful not to let it out aloudthe transcription software responds erratically to scatology, never mind eschatologyand wave two fingers at Macs icon. You cant think of a reasonable excuse to dump it on D. I. Chus shoulders when he comes on shift, so thats you on the spot: you with your shift-end paper-work looming, an evenings appointment with the hair salon, and your dodgy gastric reflux.

You push back your chair, stretch, and wait while Macs icon pulses, then expands. Jase. Talk to me.

Aye, mam. Im on Dean Park Mews, attendin an accidental death, no witnesses. Constable Berman was first responder, an she called me in. Jase pauses for a moment. Theres something odd about his voice, and theres no video. Victims cleaner was first on the scene, she had a wee panic, then called 112. Bermans got her sittin doon with a cuppa in the living room while I log the scene.

What he isnt saying is probably more important than what he is, but in these goldfish-bowl days, no cop in their right mind is going to say anything prejudicial over an evidence channel. No ambulance? You prod. Have you opened an HSE ticket already?

Ye ken a goner when ye see wan. McDougalls Loanhead accent comes out to play when hes a tad stressed. I didna want to spread thisun around, skipper, but its a two-wetsuit job. I don like to bug you, but I need a second opinion...

Wow, thats something out of the ordinary. A two -wetsuit job means kinky beyond the call of duty . You look at the map and see his push-pin. Its easy walking distance, but you might as well bag a ride if theres one in the shed. I was about to go off shift. If you can hold it together for ten minutes, Ill be along.

Aye, maam.

You glance sideways across the desk. Sergeant Elvisnot his name, but the ducks arse fits his hair-styleis either grooving to his iPod or hes really customized his haptic interface. You wave at him, and he looks up. Ive got to head out, got a call, you say, poking the red-glowing hover-fly case number across the desktop in his direction. He nods, catches it, and drags it down to his dock. Im off duty in ten, so youre holding the fort. Ping me if anything comes up.

Elvis bobs his head, then does something complex with his hands. Yessir, maam. Ill take care of things, you watch me. Then he drops back into his cocoon of augmented reality. You can see him muttering under his breath, crooning lyrics to a musically themed interface. You sigh, then reach up, tear down the control room, wad it up into a ball of imaginary paper, and shove it across to sit in his desk. Theres a whole lot more to shift-end handover than that, but something tells you that McDougalls case is going to take priority. And its down to the front desk to cadge a ride.

Its an accident of fate that put you on the spot when Macs call came in; fate and personnel allocation policy, actually: all that, and politics beside.

You dont usually sit in on the West End control centre, directing constables to shoplifting scenes and chasing hit-and-run cyclists. Nominally youre in charge of the Rule 34 Squad: the booby-prize they gave you for backing the wrong side in a political bun-fight five years ago.

But policing is just as prone to management fads as any other profession, and its Policy this decade that all officers below the rank of chief inspector must put in a certain number of Core Community Policing hours on an annual basis, just to keep them in touch with Social Standards (whatever they are) and Mission-Oriented Focus Retention (whatever that is). Detective inspector is, as far as Policy is concerned, still a line rank rather than management.

And so you have to drag yourself away from your office for eight hours a month to supervise the kicking of litter-lout ass from the airconditioned comfort of a control room on the third floor of Fettes Avenue Police HQ. It could be worse: At least they dont expect you to pound the pavement in person. Except Jason McDougall has called you out to do some rare on-site supervision on

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