Steven Brust - Yendi

Yendi

Book 2 in theVlad Taltos series

By Steven Brust

CONTENTS

"Stay out of sight, in case they get rude."

Kragar says that life is like an onion, but he doesnt mean the same thing by it that I do.

He talks about peeling it, and how you can go deeper and deeper, until finally you get to the center and nothing is there. I suppose theres truth in that, but in the years when my father ran a restaurant, I never peeled an onion, I chopped them; Kragars analogy doesnt do much for me.

When I say that life is like an onion, I mean this: if you dont do anything with it, it goes rotten. So far, thats no different from other vegetables. But when an onion goes bad, it can do it from either the inside, or the outside. So sometimes you get one that looks good, but the core is rotten. Other times, you can see a bad spot on it, but if you cut that out, the rest is fine. Tastes sharp, but thats what you paid for, isnt it?

Dzurlords like to fancy themselves as pantry chefs who go around cutting the rotten parts out of onions. Trouble is, they generally cant tell the good from the bad. Dragonlords are good at finding bad spots, but when they find one they like to throw out the whole barrelful. A Hawklord will find a bad spot every time. Hell watch you cook the thing, and eat it, and hell nod sagaciously when you spit it out again. If you ask why he didnt tell you about it, hell look startled and say, "You didnt ask."

I could go on, but whats the point? In the House Jhereg, we dont care teckla droppings about bad spots. Were just here to sell onions.

But sometimes someone will pay me to remove a bad spot. This had earned me thirty-two hundred gold Imperials that day, and to let the tension drain out I visited the more or less permanent party at the keep of the Lord Morrolan. I was sort of on his staff, as a security consultant, which gave me a standing invitation.

Lady Teldra let me in as I recovered from the teleport and I made my way to the banquet hall. I studied the mass of humanity (I use the term loosely) from the doorway, looking for familiar faces, and soon spotted the tall form of Morrolan himself.

Guests who didnt know me watched as I moved toward him; some made remarks intended for me to overhear. I always attract attention at Morrolans partiesbecause Im the only Jhereg there; because Im the only "Easterner" (read: "human") there; or because I walk in with my jhereg familiar, Loiosh, riding on my shoulder.

"Nice party," I told Morrolan.

"Where are the trays of dead teckla, then?" said Loiosh psionically.

"Thank you, Vlad. It pleases me that you are here."

Morrolan always talks like that. I think he cant help it.

We wandered over to a table where one of his servants was pouring out small draughts of various wines, commenting on them as he did. I got a glass of red Darloscha and sipped it. Nice and dry, but it would have been better chilled. Dragaerans dont understand wine.

"Good evening Vlad; Morrolan."

I turned and bowed low to Aliera eKieron, Morrolans cousin and Dragon Heir to the Throne. Morrolan bowed and squeezed her hand. I smiled. "Good evening, Aliera. Any duels yet?"

"Why yes," she said. "Did you hear?"

"As a matter of fact, no; I was being facetious. You really do have a duel lined up?"

"Yes, for tomorrow. Some teckla of a Dzurlord noticed how I walk and made remarks."

I shook my head and tsked. "Whats his name?"

She shrugged. "I dont know. Ill find out tomorrow. Morrolan, have you seen Sethra?"

"No. I assume she is at Dzur Mountain. Perhaps she will show up later. Is it important?"

"Not really. I think Ive isolated a new eMondaar recessive. Itll wait."

"I am interested," said Morrolan. "Would you be pleased to tell me of it?"

"Im not sure what it is yet... " said Aliera. The two of them walked off. Well, Morrolan walked. Aliera, who was the shortest Dragaeran Ive ever met, levitated, her long, silver-blue dress running along the ground to hide the fact. Aliera had golden hair and green eyesusually. Although she wasnt carrying it now, she also had a sword that was longer than she was. She had taken the sword from the hand of Kieron the Conquerer, the head of her line, in the Paths of the Dead. Theres a story in there, too, but never mind.

Anyway, they walked away, and I drew on my link with the Imperial Orb, did a small sorcery spell, and chilled the wine. I sipped it again. Much better.

"The problem for tonight, Loiosh, is: how am I going to get laid?"

"Boss, sometimes you disgust me."

"Tell me about it."

"Aside from that, if you own four brothels"

"Ive decided I dont like visiting brothels."

"Eh? Why not?"

"You wouldnt understand."

"Try me."

"All right. Put it this way: sex with Dragaerans feels more than half like bestiality, anyway. With whores, it feels like paying the... whatever."

"Go on, boss. Finish the sentence. Now Im curious."

"Oh, shut up."

"What is it about killing someone that makes you so horny, anyway?"

"Got me."

"You need a wife."

"Go to Deathsgate."

"We did that once, remember?"

"Yeah. And I remember how you felt about the giant jhereg there."

"Dont start on that, boss."

"Then shut up about my sex life."

"You brought it up."

There was nothing to say to that, so I let it drop. I sipped my wine again, and felt that peculiar, nagging sensation of theres-something-I-ought-to-be-thinking-about that heralds someone trying to reach me psionically. I quickly found a quiet corner and opened up my mind for contact.

"Hows the party, boss?"

"Not bad, Kragar. Whats up that cant wait for morning?"

"Your bootblack is here. Hes going to be made Issola Heir to the Throne tomorrow, so hes finishing up his calls."

"Funny. What is it really?"

"A question. Did you open up a new gambling joint in Malak Circle?"

"Of course not. Youd have heard about it long ago."

"Thats what I thought. Then theres a problem."

"I see. Some punk thinking we wont notice? Or is somebody trying to muscle in?"

"It looks professional, Vlad. Hes got protection there."

"How many?"

"Three. And I know one of them. Hes done work."

"Oh."

"What do you think?"

"Kragar, you know how a chamberpot gets when it isnt emptied for a few days?"

"Yeah?"

"And you know how, when you finally do empty it, theres all that stuff stuck on the bottom?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, that stuff on the bottom is how I feel about this."

"Gotcha."

"Ill be right over."

I found Morrolan in a comer with Aliera and a tall Dragaeran who had the facial features of the House of the Athyra and was dressed all in forest green. She looked down at me, figuratively and literally. Its frustrating being both a Jhereg and an Easternerpeople sneer at you for both reasons.

"Vlad," said Morrolan, "this is the Sorceress in Green. Sorceress, this is Baronet Vladimir Taltos."

She nodded, almost imperceptibly. I bowed with a deep flourish, dragging the back of my hand over the floor, bringing it up over my head, and saying, "Gentle lady, I am every bit as charmed to meet you as you are to meet me."

She sniffed and looked away.

Alieras eyes were twinkling.

Morrolan looked troubled, then shrugged.

"Sorceress in Green," I said. "Ive never met an Athyra who wasnt a sorcerer, and the green I can see, so I cant say the title tells me"