Becky Citra - Rachel Bird

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Title: Rachel Bird / Becky Citra.

Names: Citra, Becky, author.

Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 20210301708 | Canadiana (ebook)

20210301724 | ISBN 9781772602432 (softcover) | ISBN

9781772602449 (EPUB)

Classification: LCC PS8555.I87 R33 2022 | DDC jC813/.54dc23

Copyright 2022 by Becky Citra

Cover photo: iStock.com/den-belitsky

Editor: Heather Tekavec

Printed and bound in Canada

Second Story Press gratefully acknowledges the support of the

Ontario Arts Council and the Canada Council for the Arts for our

publishing program. We acknowledge the financial support of the

Government of Canada through the Canada Book Fund.

Published by

Second Story Press

20 Maud Street, Suite 401

Toronto, ON M5V 2M5

www.secondstorypress.ca

To Larry and Meghan and the life we share on our ranch.

Contents

Aleksandra dropped us off half an hour ago for our last counselling session. Janes sitting in the little kids corner, coloring a frog with a broken orange crayon. Usually we talk to Aura separately but today were here mostly just to say good-bye. I slide lower in my chair and examine my toenails. Im wearing pink flip-flops. Maybe Ill walk downtown when we get back and buy some blue nail polish. Ill do Janes toes, too.

Hey, says Aura. Earth to Rachel.

Aura wears glasses with heavy black frames. A tattoo of a Celtic knot covers the top of her right arm. Its like a loop with no start and finish and it represents eternity. Auras tattoo is called a triquetra or trinity knot. Im considering a Celtic knot when I get a tattoo, but mine will be different. Ive been googling them.

Aura was helping Jane with her coloring but now shes sitting on a huge blue ball opposite me. She calls it active sitting because it makes her core stronger. Shes wearing jeans with ripped knees. Theres a bowl of goldfish crackers on a little table.

Got something for you, she says.

She scoots over to her desk, opens a drawer, and takes out a pair of sunglasses.

Right, I say. They look like something Uncle Rob would wear, not me.

Theyre not just ordinary sunglasses, she says. They cancel out blue light so you can look at screens in the evening without wrecking your sleep.

Aura knows that I dont text friends all night long in between posting on Facebook. Every time I move, I leave my friends behind. But she also knows Im a little addicted to googling things.

They wont work, I say.

I got a pair for me, too.

They wont work. Okay. Thanks.

I tuck the sunglasses into my backpack and glance at the clock on the wall. Auras leaving for Europe in three days with her boyfriend, Mike. I refuse to start over again with someone new. So, this is the end of counselling for me and Jane.

I stand up.

Sit down, Rach, says Aura.

I sit.

Weve covered a lot of stuff you and me, she says.

Yeah.

She hands me a tissue.

I get how hard this is. I think youve made a lot of progress. And I really appreciate how honest youve been with me.

I cant trust my voice, so I dont say anything.

Do you know what a carapace is? she says.

Nope.

Its the hard upper shell of a turtle, crustacean, or arachnid. She smiles. I bet you know where Im going with this.

You think Im a turtle.

No, but I do think youve built a protective shell around yourself. Its a pretty common coping strategy. What do you think?

I dont know.

Your Uncle Rob really loves you and Jane. Dont forget that. Hes your ally. And your grandparents, too.

So much for Aleksandra being part of this. Auras got her figured out. She slides off the ball. Okay. Group hug. Come on, Jane.

Jane scampers over and wraps her skinny arms around Auras waist.

Im going to miss you guys, big time, says Aura. You look after yourselves this summer and Ill see you in the fall.

After Europe, she and Mike are trekking all over Asia. Auras awesome, but seriously? Why would she want to spend all summer listening to the problems of kids that arent even hers? Shell eat sushi and see the Great Wall of China. Shell never come back. I wouldnt.

Aleksandras waiting at the end of the block in her bright red Mini Cooper. Shes double parked and she taps the horn when she sees us. Jane squeezes into the back and I slide into the passenger seat, fitting my long legs around a gym bag and a paper sack of groceries.

Aleksandra zips into the traffic. So, what did you and Aura talk about today, Jane? she says.

Well, says Jane. We didnt talk about Mom.

What! says Aleksandra. Why not?

I dont know.

What did you talk about?

I dont know. Jane bangs her runners against the back of my seat. Can we have hot dogs for dinner?

Ouch, I say. Quit that.

Aleksandra runs a red light and a horn blasts. No hot dogs. I picked up some fresh cod and asparagus at Granville Island Market.

Oh Gaaawd, says Jane.

I laugh and Aleksandra frowns in the rearview mirror. Rachel? What did you talk about?

Shes determined that she and Uncle Rob get their moneys worth from Aura.

Nose rings, I say.

She sighs and flips on the radio.

Its scorching by the time we get back to the apartment, so I forget the idea of trudging all the way downtown to get nail polish. Instead, I grab our bathing suits, towels, and library books and stuff everything in my backpack.

Aleksandras on her phone, swearing at someone in Polish because theyre telling her for the millionth time that she cant practice medicine in Canada with a Polish license. Were going! I yell, and she flaps her hand in the air.

She and Uncle Rob are renting this apartment in the West End while they look for a condo to buy. Jane and I have been living here since Christmas. Six months. An all-time record. Its better than anywhere weve ever lived before. Stanley Park is right outside the window. You can smell the ocean and its seven minutes to the pool at Second Beach.

We walk to the library on shady streets with tall leafy trees. I leave Jane in the childrens section and head to Young Adults with a list Aura gave me: 26 Young Adult Fantasy Novels You Need to Read .

I have a system when I pick out my library books. Its random. Last week, I took out books with one-word titles. Today, Im looking for books with the word blood in the title.

I find Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi, Bloodwitch by Susan Dennard, and The Blood Spell by CJ Redevine. Then I break my rule and grab Lady Smoke by Laura Sebastian because I love the way it sounds.

Lady Smoke. When I come back in my next life, Im going to call myself Lady Smoke.

Jane has a stack of Magic Treehouse books. Theres got to be at least fifty books in the series and shes on her second time through. I taught her to read when she was three. The librarian adores her and gives her a high five as we leave.

One more stop before we go swimmingthe West End Community Center next door to the library, to pick up a brochure. We scan it together, searching for activities that Jane can do this summer.

Okay, I say. Kid Zone, Lego Block Party, Star Wars Day, Seeds and Senses, Thumb Print Art, Bee an Eco Hero.

All that? says Jane.

Yup. Itll be fun.

I love taking care of Jane. Weve always stuck together. But I have stuff to do. Im looking for someone. And hes not going to be at Thumb Print Art.