Rachel Timothy - Open Blind Eyes

OPEN BLIND EYES

Rachel Timothy

Copyright 2020 by Rachel Timothy.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted
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without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Scripture quotations are from the ESV Bible (The Holy Bible, English
Standard Version), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of
Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Rev. date: 11/19/2020

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CONTENTS

A story like this is not an easy one to write. Putting words to the events of my life has been something Ive struggled with for years, but there is healing in the process (or so Ive been told). So I write this for both you and me. I write this for you, to inform you of this other world that so many know nothing about. But also for me, to cleanse my soul of the dirt and garbage that lingers from my past.

My story isnt all bad. In fact, some memories bring me so much joy that my heart literally bursts, and I cant help but smile as I think back.

Growing up, I was a perfect balance of tough but soft. Face me with a challenge, and I would meet that challenge and more. I had to be tough if I wanted to hang with my two older brothers. However, there was also a soft side to me. I had a huge heart for people. It didnt matter how they looked or smelled, or what they wore, or what they did, I tried to be kind to everyone. I never wanted anyone to hurt, and I wanted to make sure that they knew they were loved. Loved by me, but more importantly, by God.

I had a knack for seeing the good in every person I met. My heart was kind and thoughtful of how others might be feeling. It would be a constant battle in my mind. I could be sitting on my moms lap watching TV at night, and I would begin to wonder if my dad needs me to cuddle with him for a while, just so he knows I love him too. So most nights at home, I would go back and forth from one parent to the next, thinking I was making them both feel loved and happy. It was how my young mind worked. It also was one of the first signs that I was a people pleaser and was always thinking about how I could make others happy.

And we know that for those who love God
all things work together for good, for those
who are called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28

Every aspect of my lifethe good, the bad, the uglyhas been tied together to form who I am. It shows the why of God choosing to make me. To take a piece away would completely disassemble my being. Who I am. The core that provides me the strength to follow Gods purpose in my life.

Christ with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me, Christ in me.

St. Patricks Breastplate

I wish I could say that Ive never wavered from that thought, but that would be untrue. I havent always felt the Lord. Many times during my life, God seemed light-years away. Along with His comfort and His peace. So often I have wished to be back in that nine-year-old body when I felt God clearly and powerfully. His strength and peace in my heart were undeniable. When you know the feeling of the Lord working in you and then you seem to lose it, you are desperate to do all you can to get it back.

Let me jump back to the beginning. Not the beginning of my physical life, not even the beginning of my spiritual life. But the beginning of when I was being transformed, broken down, to be built back up in the way God needed me.

This was going to be a new school for me. My family had just left the only home Id ever known. My dad was a minister and was hired as the new head preacher at the local Christian church. So we had moved as a family from a large and beautiful home in the country that my parents had built to a small town in the Midwest of America. We left our friends and church family and came to a place where I knew no one. This move, this change, was all one big adventure in my young nine-year-old eyes.

I was bouncing with excitement at the thought of a new school. Our new house was owned by the church and was called the parsonage. The bedrooms were much smaller than we were used to, plus my two older brothers had to share a room and a tiny closet. Im not sure they were as excited about the move as I was. They had more going on in their life than I did. They were leaving behind girlfriends, buddies, and teams. My oldest brother was entering his junior year of high school, and the other was going into eighth grade. Apparently, those were tougher years to have to change schools. I was entering the fourth grade and truly didnt have a care in the world.

Our house was smack-dab in the middle of this new small town and was walking distance to the school and the church. In fact, the school track was in our backyard. It was such a small town that you were basically walking distance to everything. The sign leading into our new town said it was a village and was approximately the home of two hundred people, so it wasnt even classified as a town, technically. The best part as a kid was that you could ride your bike all over town. I felt like big stuff, riding around on my own. It seemed like a dream come true to a nine-year-old. Id make daily trips up to the small mom-and-pop grocery store to buy candy. My favorites back then were candy cigarettes or a simple lemon that I would peel and eat like an orange.

Oh, how I wish you couldve known me before my fourth-grade year. I had a confidence and self-esteem that seemed untouchable. I was going to be somebody. I already felt like God had a purpose for me. I enjoyed every day and took pride in being a Christian, in my family name, and in being a preachers kid. I almost always had a smile on my face and a bounce to my step. My long blonde hair would sway back and forth with each step I took. I knew who I was and where I was going in this life. I had spunkplain and simple.

I had bright blue eyes, a tan from the summer sun, along with extra natural blonde highlights in my hair. I had just led our baseball team to become World Series champions back in our old town. I was the only girl on the baseball team. Actually, the only girl in the league, and I loved every minute of it. A new school, a smaller school, a smaller town, I was certain I would have no trouble. And no matter what, I was ready for the challenge.

I was goal driven, even at an early age. I was also a cocky little thing. Being a professional baseball player was my first goal, but then I was told at this new school that I was required to play with the girls on the softball team. I was disappointed because I had fallen in love with baseball, and softball seemed so different. I grew to love softball; however, my favorite sport to play after baseball and where all my dreams developed was with basketball.

Friends didnt matter to me as much as winning, success, and being the best. The first few weeks at my new school were a blur. There were a lot of new things to learn and new people to get to know. I learned quickly that I needed to tone down my confidence around my new classmates. I was the new girl, and at first, the girls were standoffish with me and the boys were shy. But it wasnt long before I was making friends and fitting in with my classmates.