Copyright 2021 by Stephanie J. Scott
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by an electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems. Without written permission from the author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the authors imagination or are used factiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Chapter One
E xperiences of Summer List
Trip to Brazil Countdown: 1 day!
- Meet and bond with host family
- Meet and bond with Matts host family
- Go on one student excursion trip per week
- Art museum with Matt
- Open air market
- Historical sites tour
- Reggae cafe (See TourScout rankings list)
- 1 pic Instagram a day/trip
There had to be a logical explanation. The very thing about to ruin my carefully orchestrated social life played out in front of me and I couldnt think of a single thing to stop it.
Its not what you think. Matt, my boyfriend, sprung from his buddys couch, his tanned hands moving in front of him and into his hair. The longish, messy brown hair I loved running my fingers through. His hands kept movingin front of him, around, everywhere. Everywhere except back on the body of the girl beside him.
Lila. Matt stepped toward me as though approaching a frightened woodland creature. You werent supposed to be here tonight.
Of course, I wasnt supposed to be here. I was supposed to be packing. In less than twenty-four hours we were boarding a plane to Brazil for a summer student exchange trip. Together.
Id been impulsive, which I should have known would only lead to trouble. Surprising my boyfriend by showing up to an impromptu house party went strictly against my planned-out agenda. My personality was Type A of the bolded, capital A variety. Packing for an eight-week summer abroad trip required multiple packing lists and down-to-the-last-minute run throughs.
Think, Lila. Think. There had to be a reason for Mattentwining himself with this girl. Maybe he was mere moments from telling her he was committed in a solid eight-month relationship. After all, Id done everything according to plan. We were Matt and Lila. Freaking Matt and Lila.
The girl on the couch, with honey blond hair and pale freckled skin, had the nerve to yawn. She didnt go to our school or Id recognize her. Matt looked back at her, whispering.
The girl adjusted her gauzy blue top. Matt, just tell her.
Just tell her. Tell hermea thing that apparently had already been decided? Memories of Matt flashed through my mind. Smiling at each other in Algebra 2. Holding hands after his swim meet. Registering for summer study abroad. The early Spring night after hearing the news my grandmother passed away, when he took me to his old elementary school playground and let me cry while my parents sorted out the details at home.
My vision grew crisp, like a photo sharpened to fine lines. I sucked in a breath, letting the rage flutter back. Tell. Me. A statement, not a question.
A flash of silver came from his pocket. His swim team medal, hanging from a blue and gold ribbon. He swung it back and forth. The metal glinted from the glow of a nearby lit fireplace. Well, wasnt this just cozy.
Its this thing I meant to talk to you about, he stammered. So much was happening, you know, with the team and the trip. And you, losing your grandmother. I couldntI didnt want to bother you.
Id wanted to escape my house. It was why Id been looking forward to the trip for so long. A whole summer away from home. Out of the country, with the guy I loved. What could be better?
Matt twirled the swim medal in some sort of nervous tic. Its just, the time was never right.
The girl stood and scoffed. Im Meghan. Matt and I, were together. She completed the declaration by hooking her arm through Matts, the space between them swallowed up like a black hole. Since the trip planning meet-up.
The trip planning meet-up two months ago. Students from five area high schools joined together for a summer exchange program training. Id missed it because of my grandmothers funeral. Id had to attend a second make-up session without Matt.
My blood turned to lava and flooded my face with heat.
This couldnt be happening. I turned to the door for escape and horror struck again.
We had a crowd. Witnesses to my humiliation.
Everything Id worked toward was disintegrating. My instincts screamed run, cry, run, cry, but I couldnt.
Id devoted myself to Matt. Devoted.
Meghan and I, we thought you wouldnt understand, Matt said finally.
Meghan and I. He said it so easily, as if used to the pairing. This was supposed to be our trip. If you didnt want To be with me was too hard to say, I couldnt. You should have talked to me.
Matt scowled. You were the one pushing me away. If you were paying attention, you would have understood.
Iwhat?
He shrugged off my astonishment. Look, the good thing is, well be in different parts of Salvador on the trip.
Salvador was the Brazilian city wed be calling home in the next twenty-four hours. He said this all while hooked into Meghans arm. With his free hand, he let the swim medal dangle from his fingers, swinging in a lazy figure eight.
Salvador. Summer. Matt. Matt and Meghan. Matt and Meghan and me, a squeaky, rejected third wheel. An uncharted future flashed in my mind. Matt and Meghan wearing matching Brazilian soccer shirts. Historic landmark tours and cultural eventsall the activities Matt and I planned to do, and she would be there.
Are you okay? Meghan asked.
I snapped to the present. Meghan had asked. I stared at Matt waiting for him to tell me this was all a joke.
Am I okay? I laughed, though no part of this was funny. He had no idea how deep this betrayal went. Matt was my identity as Matt and Lila. A surge of rage hit me like a gale force wind. How was it supposed to happen, Matt? On the plane? In Brazil, when were thousands of miles from home? They stood there, still joined at the arms like a united force against me. Like I was the problem here.
The silver of the medal caught my eye again, dangling from Matts fingers. Stupid precious swim medal. For the last two months, Id been his own personal cheerleader at his swim meets. Hed already been with Meghan by then.
The medal swung back and forth, back and forth. A deep and fierce thing inside reacted for me. I snatched the medal from his hands.
I didnt think. I aimed.
I chucked that medal right into the fire.
The room exploded in sound. Matt yelped. Meghan gasped. A chorus of Whoa! and No way! came from gawkers in the doorway.
My medal, its burning. Matt grabbed for a fireplace poker and attempted to hook the singed ribbon, only it had already burned through.