Stephanie Waters - Forgotten Tales of Colorado

Published by The History Press

Charleston, SC 29403

www.historypress.net

Copyright 2013 by Stephanie Waters

All rights reserved

First published 2013

e-book edition 2013

Manufactured in the United States

ISBN 978.1.61423.986.4

Library of Congress CIP data applied for.

print edition ISBN 978.1.60949.886.3

Notice: The information in this book is true and complete to the best of our knowledge. It is offered without guarantee on the part of the author or The History Press. The author and The History Press disclaim all liability in connection with the use of this book.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form whatsoever without prior written permission from the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

To survivors and The Misfits

CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Thanks again to The History Press and especially to my commissioning editor, Becky Lejeune, who went to bat for me once again. I would also like to thank my editor, Will Collicott, and illustrator, Kristen Solecki, as well as the rest of the production team for making me look smart. Special thanks to the people I interviewed and to my globetrotting parents, who passed down their spirit of wanderlust. Special thanks also to family, friends, Siddhartha, Mary Jane and monkeys.

INTRODUCTION

They say that truth is stranger than fiction, and nowhere is that adage truer than in Colorado. If you dont believe me, then just tune into the crazy cartoon South Park, which regularly makes fun of Colorados quirky history. The Centennial State has always been known for its wild stories, perhaps because of its culturally rich diversity. Several different Native American tribes called Colorado home, and both French and Spanish flags flew over the region long before American colors were officially hiked up the proverbial flagpole. Mining brought thousands of prospectors from all over the world, and storytelling around campfires became an integral part of Colorados rich heritage.

I have always enjoyed fabled yarns about Colorado, and I especially love visiting the Centennial States many ghost towns, quirky roadside attractions and oddball museums. My interest began as a youngster when I saw a stuffed two-headed calf exhibited at the Wonder Tower Museum in Genoa. Like my dad, I prefer black lining it on old forgotten highways whenever I take road trips. I laughed my head off the first time I heard of Oh My God Road; I thought the guy at the Idaho Springs gas station was just pulling my leg. It wasnt so funny when I actually traversed the high-altitude roller coaster ride from hell! Last August, I was black lining it with my Rottweiler and Maltipoo when, horror of all horrors, I broke down in the middle of nowhere. I didnt have cell phone service or a spare tire, but I figured I could always eat my dogsif I really had to. It was getting dark when I happily spied lights off in the distance. My salvation was a little garage called, of all things, the Bloody Knuckle. Stranger still was the fact that the mechanic actually recognized me. Travis looked me up and down and then stared me straight in the eye and asked if I had ever been on Americas Most Wanted. I thought he was joking, but he never batted an eye. Then the mechanic asked if my name was Stacy something, and I teased, Only if you dont have a warrant! The mechanics wife, who introduced herself as Wicked Wanda, also seemed to know me from somewhere. After a moment, she curiously asked if I was ever at Sturgis. I had to admit that I wasthirty years earlier, adding that I was a much younger man back in those days. The motorcycle mama ignored my joke and then hesitantly asked if I was a writer. Needless to say, I was so shocked that you could have pushed me over with a wet noodle. I was surprised to learn that the couple had gone on one of my haunted history tours and had read both my books. I basked in the glory of fame for a brief moment but tried not to let it show. I told the young couple that I was about to pen another book for The History Press to be called Forgotten Tales of Colorado. I excitedly explained that the book would be a compilation of amazing stories from long ago and would be kind of like a pulp tabloid for history geeks. To prove the stories were factual, I planned to include original newspaper headlines whenever possible. I added that this book, like my others, would also include a chapter about mad dogs and naked ladies, because everyone knows that sex and violence sell.

Travis went to tow my truck back to the Bloody Knuckle while Wanda showed me around their old homestead. When he returned, we joined him in the garage with beer and popcorn. We really enjoyed sitting around the warmth of the old pot-bellied stove while Travis patched my tire and told stories about his pioneer ancestors who homesteaded the property. The garage was piled high with rusted mechanical parts from everything from old cars to antique washing machines. The crafty mechanic had soldered some of the scraps together to create some rather interesting artwork. Especially enchanting was a life-size grizzly bear made from recycled bicycle parts. After a while, I noticed a mounted taxidermy head hanging high on the garage wall that looked like some kind of a weird, horned jackrabbit. Travis explained that the elusive creature was known as a jackalope and told of how his great-great-granddaddy shot the prized critter near the Platte River long ago. The couple then kindly invited me to go jackalope hunting with them the following weekend. I regretfully declined, saying that I had to get started writing my next book, but thanked them for their hospitality, warmly adding that you always meet the nicest folks in Colorado!

I hope you enjoy reading this collection of forgotten tales of Colorado as much as I did researching and writing them for your pleasure.

Chapter 1

HUNT AND PRAY

There is only one step from the sublime to the ridiculous.

Napoleon Bonaparte

When the hunter becomes the hunted, there is a problem. Wild animals kill hunters every year in Colorado, yet the sport still grows in popularity. Elusive creatures are the most sought after and when mounted as trophy heads demand top dollar. Serious collectors of taxidermies are always looking to buy the mounted head of a horned rabbit known as the jackalope, or in Latin, Lepus temperaentalus. These cute bunnies seem harmless, but dont be fooled by the innocent look of this depraved fiend. The jackalope is well known for its needle-sharp teeth and painful, venomous bite. It makes you wonder why anybody would want to hunt such a dreadful creature, especially since there is not much meat on their scrawny bodies. But those lucky few who have actually tasted the tender flesh of the jackalope say that it is as succulent as prime veal and that sipping its milk is like drinking the nectar of the gods. Even today, outdoorsmen will tell you that they enjoy the challenge of hunting jackalopes over any other wild beast in Colorado. The little varmints are well known for their uncanny ability to mimic human voices and elude their predators by hiding in shrubbery and yelping phrases such as I saw him go that-a-way! and Run, rabbit, run! Cowboys on the trail used to tell of how jackalopes liked to hide in bushes around the campfire and sing backup while they strummed the guitara trick that the common, ignorant prairie dog could never master. Most of the time, the cowpokes didnt mind harmonizing with the horned bunnies, just as long as they kept a safe distance. After breaking camp, some of the cowboys would leave behind scrambled eggs, pancakes and a sip of whiskey as an offering to the mercurial varmints for not killing them in their sleep.