Adam Tervort - The Zodiac Schmodiac Story Cycle, 1st Course: Kung Pao Flavored Short Stories

The Zodiac Schmodiac StoryCycle, 1 st Course: Kung Pao Flavored Short Stories

http://adamtervort.com

http://kungpao.me

CC Adam Tervort 2011

Licensed under aCreative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 UnportedLicense

Smashwords Edition

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Intro duction

You Dirty Rat

At Least I Have My Mustache

Mother Tiger, Father Cheetah

Spicy Mice

The Ghost Who Tried to Love Me

The Legend of Green Snake and White Snake

About theAuthor

About Kung PaoStories

A first book is like a first love, you pouryour heart and soul into it, and hope to death that it wont betrayyou. I was ecstatic when I finished Adventures in the Land ofSinging Garbage Trucks, but I knew that writing memoirs (ornon-fiction for that matter) was really not my thing. I have alwaysbeen into stories, and I knew that was what I wanted to write. Partof this comes from a love of reading, and part from an inability totell the truth. How fun is it to tell a story without someembellishment? Most things in real life just dont happen so thatthey make good stories, and I for one have never let that stand inthe way of me telling things as they should have happened. Mykindergarten teacher once asked my parents if I ever told thetruth, I would go to school and tell fabulous stories all day thathad no connection with reality. My wife needs to remind me aboutonce a week to stick to the facts when I tell about experiencesweve had. Its just the way I am.

So you have my first book of stories here inyour hand, and they arent just any stories; theyre kung paoflavored stories. Each of these six stories crackles with Chineseyflavor, some might burn your tongue, and they are all best eatenwith chopsticks. So grab your eBook reader and sit down with asteaming bowl of Chinese food and enjoy!

The theme for each of these stories is takenfrom one of the animals of the Chinese Zodiac. For some of thestories it relates to the animal itself, and for some of thestories it relates to the characteristics being born in that yearsupposedly gives to a person. You Dirty Rat is my retelling ofthe Zodiac story by the honorable Laoshu, the Rat himself. This iswhere the zodiac animals come from and how they got the order theyhave. At Least I Have My Mustache is represented by the Ox (orwater buffalo). Old Zhang is the epitome of the characteristics ofpeople born in the year of the Ox, hardworking, dependable, andmethodical. Mother Tiger, Father Cheetah is all about people whoare tigers inside. In Chinese there is a phrase, mother tiger, todescribe women who are really tough. There are two of them in thisstory. Spicy Mice came from an experience one of my Chineseteachers told me about his time in China as a translator. Heactually had to eat spicy mice, just as happens in this story, butthe rest of the details come from my imagination. Johnny in thisstory is a classic rabbit, gracious and a good friend, as well asbeing superficial and opportunistic. The Ghost Who Tried to LoveMe is the story that represents the Dragon. Ill be honest, it hasnothing to do with dragons and everything to do with ghosts, butsince theyre both imaginary they fit well together. The finalstory is The Legend of Green Snake and White Snake. This story,more than anything Ive written, makes me proud. It is good, and Ihope youll enjoy it.

This is the first book released in the KungPao Stories series, which you can find out more about at http://kungpao.me . I appreciateyour support and look forward to hearing from you with yourcomments and reactions. (You can find my contact info at the end ofthe book, or email me anytime, adam @ adamtervort.com) Happyreading!

The cover art uses Green Tree by Sadas from Deviant Art .The paper-cuts of the zodiac animals inside each story come from ChineseZodiacs.org . Thanksfor providing such great art!

Introduction

After I finished writing Adventures in the Land of SingingGarbage Trucks my wife and I sat down to brainstorm whatkind of book I should start working on next.

I think I should write something serious,I said.

You are incapable of being serious, mywife said. Unfortunately she is right. I have a hard time doingserious. You should retell some old Chinese stories.

This sounded like a good plan, somethingthat would be fun to write without having to exert too much brainpower. After all, the stories were already written, how hard couldit be to just change them up a bit? I then sat in front of a blankscreen for hours and wrote exactly nothing.

Whats wrong? my wife asked.

I just cant seem to get started, I dontknow what to say.

Tell the zodiac story. But tell it in thatstrange over-exaggerated way you use when telling friends aboutstuff. Alas, this is also true, I have a hard time sticking to thefacts when it comes to telling stories. Then the lightning bolthit! I dont have to tell the truth, or tell the story the rightway! The words flew off the page after that.

So, if you are hoping to learn the story ofthe Chinese Zodiac through a traditional retelling, youll probablybe very disappointed. If you are looking for an accuratetranslation of an original Chinese text, youre SOL as well. But ifyoud like to read a big fat lie, then this is the story for you.And youll still learn about the story as well, just with a bit ofLaoshu attitude. This is the way the story would have been if theancient Chinese storytellers had a bit of an attitude. I hope youenjoy it.

This story is represented by the rat, thefirst animal in the Zodiac cycle. Rats are pretty nasty, and ourdear Laoshu in this story is too, but there is an awful lot we canlearn from him about surviving and thriving. Apart from cockroachesthere arent many other animals who manage getting along as well asthe rats.

Come closer. Yes, just a bit closer, look mein the eye please. I'm about to tell you something very important,do try and pay attention. It's all a lie. Don't get too excited,but it's all a lie. Everything they've told you about us and thatridiculous story that's passed around by librarians andkind-hearted aunties as they give you a fortune cookie and cup oftea, it's all a lie. Don't think that just because I look like arat I am one. I know my eyes are tiny and beady, but you humans arethe ones who made that into a bad thing, not I. I could pick up anymousy in any club from here to Hong Kong with these eyes. Theseeyes say "trust me." I will only tell you the truth. They've beenlying to you this whole time.