Evelyn Leite - Just Fine Thank You: Growing Up with Family Secrets

Praise for Just Fine, Thank You

I didn't grow up in poor, rural mid-Americaduring the 1940s. I didn't grow up as a girl. I didn't grow up in afamily marred by alcohol and dysfunction. Evelyn did. My emotionsrode a roller coaster as I read about her childhood. Some of thestories are funny. Many of the stories are very sad. Some of thestories were painful. These are stories of perseveranceof despairleading to hope. They are stories that help put our own lives andfuture into perspective.

Rev. Doug Diehl retired United MethodistElder

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Just Fine, ThankYou

EVELYN M. LEITE MHR, LPC

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Fourth book in the Blood, Sex, andTears series.

Published by:

Living With Solutions

PO Box 9702

Rapid City, SD 57709

Copyright 2019 by Evelyn M. Leite, MHR,LPC

All rights reserved. No part of this book maybe reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or byany information and retrieval system without express writtenpermission from the author, except for the inclusion of briefquotations in a review.

Due to the dynamic nature of the internet,any web addresses or links contained in this book may have beenchanged since publication and may no longer be valid. The viewsexpressed in this work are solely the views of the author.

ISBN: (sc) 978-1-733540964

(eb) 978-1-733540971

Library of Congress: 9781733540964

Printed in the United States

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This is a personal document based on eventswhich happen to people every day. They happened to me.

It is a story about alcoholism and pain,about faith and healing, and about joy and recovery. It is writtenthat all people in the helping professions may gain insight intoproblems family members face when alcohol is destroying theirlives. It is further written to bring love, hope, and inspirationto people trying to cope with a disease they do not understand.This book is published with permission of close family members.Some names and events are changed but the story is real and couldbe happening next door to you. Or in your house.

This book is designed to provide informationabout the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understandingthat the publisher and authors are not engaged in rendering legal,accounting, or other professional services. If legal or otherexpert assistance is required, the services of a competentprofessional should be sought.

Every precaution has been taken in thedevelopment of this book to bring you accurate and up to dateinformation. However, there may be mistakes both typographical andin content. Therefore, this text should be used only as a generalguide and not as the ultimate source for improving familyrelations.

The purpose of this manual is to educate andenlighten. The author and publisher shall have neither liabilitynor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any lossor damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly bythe information contained in this book. The author assumes noresponsibility for any liability resulting from the use of theinformation contained in this book.

If you do not wish to be bound by the above,you may return this book to the publisher for a full refund.

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This book is dedicated to my husband Allen J.Knapp and to my wonderful remaining brother, (who shall remainnameless to protect his identity). My brother and my husband arebeautiful demonstrations of Gods love and grace. They give me somuch support.

And in loving memory of my father, Lon Jones,for whom understanding creates an indestructible bond; my motherEdith Jones, whom I love dearly and miss every day of my life; mydeceased brothers whom I adore and miss terribly; and all mycherished aunts on both sides of the family who were such a greatinfluence on my life. To my cousins, who also shall remain namelessto protect their identity, but who know who they are. They providedendless hours of fun and laughter and many of them still do.

Also to my amazing children Lonny, Robert,and Scott, Gods greatest gift to me. They are wonderfully lovingand successful people, not because of me, but in spite of myignorance and as an apology to them for all the tears they shedbecause of my mental instability. And to my grandchildren who shallremain nameless, but who I hope know that I would give my life forthem.

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This book is part of the Blood, Sex, andTears series written to shed light on the myriad of complexissues facing families where addiction is present. Everyone suffersand they unwittingly pass the insanity on to future generations. Ihope to give people insight into dysfunction and learn how toprevent it from continuing.

As a little girl growing up in the fortiesand fifties, I experienced life very differently from young peopletoday. Outhouses, kerosene lamps, horse-drawn wagons, tube radios,and wood-burning stoves were the modern conveniences of thetime.

The culture was very different with rules andsecrets to uphold. Some rules I learned and was required to followwere:

Children are to be seen and not heard.

Children must earn their keep.

All family business is extremelyprivate.

Parents or teachers are never wrong, evenwhen they rage.

Sex is never to be discussed.

Pride in the family name must always beprotected.

God will punish all wrongdoers, includinglittle children.

No matter what is happening, or how you arefeeling, if someone asks you how you are, the stock answer is,Just fine, thank you.

Through my experiences and observations, Ilearned some men see little girls as sex toys, and alcohol makespeople crazy. Since sex was never to be discussed, and parents orother adults are never wrong, I had to learn to process such thingson my own.

As you read my story, I ask you to consideryour own life and family to recognize any destructive dysfunctionthat has impaired you, and is likely adversely impacting yourspouse and children, and potentially impacting generations to come.Family dysfunction always reveals itself in the children,progressing in greater degree from generation to generation. Youcan stop this destructive progression by the simple act ofacknowledging truth. Its important to acknowledge that a family isonly as healthy as its secrets and in our family there were manyprivate things unsafe to discuss.