Tanya Christenson - A Soft Place to Fall

Copyright 2021 Tanya Christenson

Published in Canada by Red Deer Press, 195 Allstate Parkway, Markham, ON L3R 4T8

Published in the United States by Red Deer Press, 311 Washington Street, Brighton, MA 02135

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner

without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of

brief excerpts in critical reviews and articles. All inquiries should be addressed to

Red Deer Press, 195 Allstate Parkway, Markham, ON L3R 4T8

Red Deer Press acknowledges with thanks the Canada Council for the Arts and the Ontario Arts Council for their support of our publishing program. We acknowledge the financial support of the

Government of Canada through the Canada Book Fund (CBF) for our publishing activities.

Edited for the Press by Peter Carver

Text and cover design by Tanya Montini

Proudly printed in Canada by Avant Imaging & Integrated Media

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Title: A soft place to fall / Tanya Christenson.

Names: Christenson, Tanya, author.

Identifiers: Canadiana 20210209771 | ISBN 9780889956384 (softcover) |

ISBN 9780889956766 (ePub) | ISBN 9780889956759 (PDF)

Classification: LCC PS8605.H739 S64 2021 | DDC jC813/.6dc23

Publisher Cataloging-in-Publication Data (U.S.)

Names: Christenson, Tanya, author.

Title: A Soft Place to Fall / Tanya Christenson.

Description: Markham, Ontario : Red Deer Press, 2021.| Summary: Creighton Fischer is one of twelve teens finding themselves in an alternate school in a small BC town, with a teacher who cares for and listens to them. But when Ms. Hay goes on maternity leave, the kids feel abandoned, and things fall apart. Somehow Creighton and Carin, the one girl in the class, manage to find their way and emerge triumphant-- Provided by publisher.

Identifiers: ISBN 978-0-88995-638-4 (paperback) ISBN 978-0-88995-676-6 (ePub) | ISBN 978-0-88995-675-9 (PDF)

Subjects: LCSH Alternative schoolsJuvenile fiction. | Teachers Juvenile fiction. | Teenagers with disabilities Juvenile fiction. | BISAC: YOUNG ADULT FICTION / General.

Classification: LCC PZ7.1C575So |DDC 813.6 dc23

www.reddeerpress.com

To Brad,

For being my soft place to fall

A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we dont function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.

Bren Brown, research professor, University of Houston

Before

We rolled into some little town the day before my fifth birthday, and the guys set up rides late into the night. I was the first to rise and wake Mom up. She sat on the trailer steps, wearing fluffy winter boots and a pink robe. She held her cigarette in one hand, while clutching a blue mug filled with coffee. I was bundled in my red snowsuit. She hummed Happy Birthday while I played with my cars on the ground in front of her, scraping the piles of frozen dirt together to form roads. I watched as she inhaled her cigarette. Her eyes closed and she raised her head, pulling her cheeks in tightly, before releasing a fume of smoke into the cold air. Mom took her last sip of coffee, which meant we could start our walk around the empty fairground. I liked the quiet of these winter mornings, just me and Mom, while the carnival slept.

Mom and Dad met when she was nineteen. Every May long weekend, the fair passed through Breton for Lilac Festival. Dad was one of the guys who traveled with the carnivala carnie. Hed made his way around Canada with the carnival since he left home at fifteen, doing pretty much everything, from restocking Porta Potties with toilet paper to selling corndogs at the concession. When he and Mom talked for the first time, he was running the Zipper, still working his way up the ranks at the age of twenty-one.

Mom grew up in Breton. I guess she was one of the girls who hung out with the carnies each year, and their fling that May long weekend led to me. When she found out she was pregnant, she quit her waitressing job at Barkleys Bar & Grill, and joined Dad in the parade of trucks and trailers that moved from town to town. My destiny was decided. My first home was a carnie trailer, and I spent twelve years on the road.

Mom was kind of a celebrity at the carnival. One night, when all the guys were sitting around the trailer, she was singing along to one of Dads cd s. After the first verse, the talking stopped.

Gracie Rae, you ought to make some cash with that voice of yours, one of the guys said. You sound like an angel!

Dads buddies persuaded her to stand out front of the fairgrounds with a bowl, and Mom nervously did. It wasnt long before money overflowed, and people came back the next day for more. Eventually, the carnival sold tickets, and people showed up just to hear her sing.

My fifth birthday was on Friday, February 24, 1989. My party started when the carnie guys woke up. I opened the tiny trailer fridge to peek at the cake Mom and I had baked the night before. I slammed the fridge door and accidentally dropped my cars on the floor, hoping Dad would get up earlier than usual. Finally, Mom let me take him a mug of coffee. I tucked his cigarette above my ear, like I watched Dad do, and held his lighter tightly between my teeth as I carefully balanced the coffee, spilling with each small step. He sat up sleepily and rescued the mug from my shaky five-year-old hands. I put the cigarette in his mouth, and he held it forward for me to light.

Im five today, Daddy, I reminded him.

Youre right, son, its your birthday, he said, laughing as he scuffed my hair up with his free hand. What you wanna do for your birthday? he asked, blowing a perfect circle of smoke toward the roof.

Were going to have a party, Daddy. When all the guys wake up, theyre invited. Me and Momma made a cake last night.

A cake? Well, it will be a party then, wont it? Dad gave me another head scuff.

I waited for the carnival to come alive. By noon, Mom was banging on the trailer doors and yelling at Dads buddies to hurry up. They dragged their lawn chairs over, one by one, till most of them were gathered in a circle in front of our trailer. Just as Mom headed in to get the cake, Bruno said, First things first, Gracie. The little mans gotta light us up.

It was my job to light their cigarettes. I was their entertainment, the only kid living with the crew. They held their smokes between their teeth, and I made my way around the circle with a lighter.

Mom stepped out of the trailer with the cake, placing it on the small folding table in front of me, and everyone sang Happy Birthday. Then I opened my Spiderman pajamas.

I didnt know this would be my very last birthday cake until I turned fifteen. I never imagined it was the last time Id ever bake with Mom.