Allison Varnes - Say It Out Loud

For the girl on the bus

Truth or dare? Maddie asks from the other couch, her eyes pleading with me to play along.

Like Id say dare again. Last time, I had to give her dog a haircut, and we were both grounded for a month. Her dog didnt seem to mind, though.

Truth, I say, settling deeper into my sleeping bag on the love seat. We always play Truth or Dare when we have sleepovers, and my parents let us sleep downstairs so we can watch movies later than usual.

Oh, okay. Fine. Maddie sighs and rolls back onto her pillow. What scares you more than anything?

Clowns, I say immediately.

She giggles. Youre kind of a chicken, Charlotte.

Am not! You dont like them, either. Theyre creepy!

She wiggles her eyebrows at me. Im going to make you a stuffed clown for your birthday. At Build-A-Bear.

I shake my head and toss a tiny embroidered pillow at her head. And it will go straight into the t-trash! I frown. I hate it when I stutter, even when its in front of a good friend like Maddie.

Maddie laughs even harder. Her teeth are bright white against her sun-kissed skin. Arent you afraid it will climb out and get you?

NO! I shiver at the thought of it. Okay, your turn. Truth or dare?

She stops laughing and grows quiet. Truth.

What are you scared of most?

Maddie groans. Really, Charlotte? Cant you think of something else?

No. You asked me. Totally fair.

I dont know. I

Come on! I say. Out with it!

Middle school, she says.

Neither of us laughs this time. After a summer of our usual neighborhood games and sleepovers, middle school starts next week. We havent talked about it much, but its still coming. Middle school shouldve been my answer, too, if I were completely honest.

What do you think it will be like? Maddie asks.

I dont know, I say. I secretly hope it will be like the middle schools Ive seen on TV shows, where kids have classes with their friends and they burst into song in the hallway. I know that wont happen, but its hard to picture a new school. Plus, Ive never even ridden the bus! My parents drove me to elementary school every day because they work there. So this year will be completely different. Its going to take a while to get used to it.

Me neither. She sighs. I hope we have classes together.

We will.

Maddie frowns. Its a big school. What if we dont?

I prop my head on the back of my arm. Maddie and I have been in the same class since third grade. Shes my best friend, and she lives right down the street. I dont want to think about not having a class with her. What if we d-do?

The gum sinks into Ben Hoopers red hair with a wet thwack, and the entire bus falls silent. Well, okay, everyone except for Tristan and Josh, who laugh and high-five each other a few seats back.

Maddie gasps next to me.

I cant believe they actually did it. Tristan and Josh were mean in elementary school, but theyre even worse as sixth graders. Middle school might as well be another planet, and its only week two. Everything is bigger nowthe school, the classes, and especially the kids.

But not Ben, whos exactly the same size as he was last year. He reaches behind his pale, freckled neck and pulls the gob forward, stretching long, pink strings across his shoulder. What is this? he cries, turning in his seat. The country radio station crackles over the speakers.

I stare at my hands, leaning forward so my long, light brown hair falls around my face and blocks my view. I cant stand to watch.

A voice from the back yells, Whats the matter? You wanted gum! Several kids laugh.

Bens lower lip trembles.

I give Maddie a look. We watched him ask almost everyone for gum when he first got on the bus this morning.

The bus driver calls over his shoulder, Settle down now! No yelling!

I wish one of the older kids would say something. The bus is full of them, but all theyre doing is snickering and filming the drama with their phones. Its going to be all over the school by the end of homeroom.

This is so wrong. But what can I do? They wouldnt listen to me anyway, and if they did

Maddie pokes my arm. Im going to say something, she whispers.

No, I say. D-d-dont. I inwardly cringe. Stuttering in public is the worst. My cheeks flood with warmth.

She frowns. Why not?

Because I want to stay invisible, since Im new to riding the bus. Because if I sit here quietly, theres a chance no one will mess with me and I can escape without gum in my hair.