Jeremy Roenick - Shoot First, Pass Later: My Life, No Filter

My daughter, Brandi, a nationally ranked dressage rider, quit her sport and moved out of our house when she was a teenager. She told us she didnt want to go to college. She didnt want horses dictating the course of her life. Mostly, she didnt want her parents telling her what was in her best interests.

As defiant words poured from her mouth, it reminded me of the rebellious attitude I embraced after I started playing for the Chicago Blackhawks in 1988.

Like the lyrics from the Billy Joel song, Brandi had grown up just like me. She inherited her dads stubbornness and his disdain for being told what to do. She knows it, too. Brandi has said numerous times that she is like me in many ways, and she seems to realize that is not always a good thing.

While I understood my daughters attitude, I wasnt any less angry about her decision. Her retirement from dressage came a few months after I paid a handsome sum for a seven-year-old coal-black mare named Apassionata. This horse had been competing successfully in Germany. My daughter was a potential 2015 Pan-American Games competitor, and putting her with this world-class horse seemed like the right move.

Brandi had been very excited about the purchase of the mare. She had nicknamed her Pia. She had traveled to Germany to train with her before the horse was brought to America.

I am really excited for this horse and the future that we have in store together, she was quoted as saying on dressage-news.com.

She told the website that Apassionata was eager to please and take care of her rider. At that point, Brandi sounded like someone who knew what she wanted, and maybe she did. But not all that long after giving that interview, Brandi decided she wanted to go in a different direction with her life. There was a guy involved, but she said her decision wasnt just about him.

Brandi also declared that she couldnt deal with the pressure anymore. She knew how much the horse cost, and she knew there was money riding on her performances. She knew we looked at the horse as an investment. Maybe we put too much pressure on her.

She also didnt like our rules. Tracy and I had told her that if we were going to financially support her riding career, we expected her to go to college while she was training. She didnt like our plan.

I understood how she was feeling, because there were times when I was young that I wanted to quit hockey because I believed my dad was too hard on me. I knew her feelings about the pressure were genuine. But if that was the lone issue, we could have resolved that.

Parenting is an impossible task. I love my children beyond measure, but Im sure they have taken years off my life thanks to worrying about their futures. You hope your children grow up to be independent and strong. All parents need to let their children find their own way. You want them to have the maturity to make their own decisions. But you also feel like you have to step in when they are making poor decisions. Isnt that what parents are supposed to do?

Isnt it my job to push or inspire my child to explore all of her talents? I dont want Brandi to have regrets 20 years from now about what she did with her life. From where Im sitting, it seems like a fine line between being an overbearing parent and a parent who wants the best for his child.

It was crushing for Tracy not to have the relationship she wanted with her daughter because of the tension brought about by Brandis decision.

Parents strive to instill values in their children. They want their children to stick to their commitments and not quit on their dreams. On the other hand, Tracy and I understood the sacrifices that Brandi was making to compete. Having played 20 seasons in the NHL, I understand that staying on the top of your sport precludes having a normal life. Tracy understands that as well, because she disrupted her life plan to allow me to skate in the spotlight.

We understood what Brandi was giving up. Tracy would tell her to set the alarm for 5:30 every morning. They needed to be at the barn at 6:00 AM every day to feed and groom the horses. For Brandi, it was starring in Groundhog Day. When you are working with horses, its the same fucking day over and over again. That can get monotonous for a 17-year-old. She wanted to see her friends, hang out with guys, and be a normal teenager.

I understood her position, but as a parent, I believed she was throwing away a golden opportunity. I know she misses the horses. One of our horses was injured after Brandi quit the sport, and we considered putting her down. The way Brandi reacted on her Facebook page made it clear to me that she still cared deeply about the sport.

No one can relate to the emotional side of being an athlete more than me. But I also understand that there were many times in my young adult life when I wouldnt listen to Tracy or others who tried to convince me that I was making poor decisions.

I was a straight arrow when I was a teenager. I did what my parents told me. I was totally focused on my goal of making it to the National Hockey League. But once I arrived in the NHL, I began to indulge my rebellious tendencies. I stayed out too late, hung out with the wrong people, and made some poor decisions. My stubborn streak rose to the surface.

Once I put on an NHL sweater, I developed an I-can-do-no-wrong attitude, and Brandi seems to have inherited that trait from me. Her attitude is, Im right about everything. There are parallels to our lives. She has never gotten into any real trouble, either. But just as I did early in my career, Brandi likes to stay out into the wee hours of the morning. She has people in her life who arent always the best influences. Unquestionably, I can relate to that.

Both of us were out on our own when we were teenagers, living like grown-ups, when we were not fully mature enough to handle all of that responsibility.

Ive given her my share of tough love, saying words that made me cringe. Since I travel often for my NBC job, Tracy has been left to deal with most of the issues. But Ive played the bad cop on more than one occasion.

Once, Brandi called me and asked, Do we have health insurance?

I have health insurance, I told her, making my point quite succinctly.

Sorry I asked, she said, angered by my response.

She responded the way I would have responded. I had no desire to attend college, and she says college isnt for her. I have multiple tattoos. She has multiple tattoos.

Brandi has become the rebel without a cause, just like I was. The frustration for me is that Ive been where she is now, believing that I knew all I needed to know. I can explain to her, in great detail, that there are decisions you make when you are young that you later regret. But she is not in a place where she wants to listen to me. I know that place because I used to live there. Tracy and others would tell me that I was making poor decisions. But I couldnt bring myself to listen.

When I talk about that period of my life, I call it the cuckoo crazy days. I had a lot of crazy, stupid, regrettable moments, especially in the 1990s. I didnt fully appreciate that I had issues, nor was I willing to listen to anyone who suggested I was making poor choices.

My immaturity and rebellious attitude showed in one of my first appearances at the NBC Celebrity Golf Tournament at Lake Tahoe in about 1997.