Sapphire - The Kid

Table of Contents

For Angelica

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three: but the greatest of these is love.

I CORINTHIANS 13:13

Where you come from is gone, where you thought you were going to never was there, and where you are is no good unless you can get away from it.

FLANNERY OCONNOR, Wise Blood

Wake up, little man. Ritas voice is coming under the covers at me. Its warm under the covers, smell good like Rita and clean like sheets. I curl up tighter, squeeze my eyes shut, and go back to sleep. In the dream its Mommys birthday party and shes holding me in her arms kissing me and dancing with me. Our house is smelling like lasagna, wine, and people, mostly girls sweating and perfume. One girl is smoking weed. Everyone is laughing. Mommy puts me down and goes to open her presents. Shes sitting in the blue armchair under the light. All the people have presents in their hands and are holding them out to her. A lady, who looks nice but when she smiles all her teeth is black, is holding out a pretty present tied with a gold ribbon. No! No! NOOOO! I want to say, but no words come out my mouth, and Mommy takes the box. And I want to stay asleep, even though I know its a bomb and Im not dreaming anymore, and if I was dreaming, the bomb would be exploding now. And now that its too late, my voice would be loud. Abdul. Someone is shaking my shoulder. Rita. I squeeze my eyes shut, cause when I open them, when I stick my head out from under the covers, my mother will be dead and today will be her funeral. Abdul. Rita shake my shoulder again. I try to go back to the music, people dancing, and our house smelling like lasagna again, but I cant. Nuh uh, I tell Rita. Five more minutes, she say. The music is all gone now. Theres clear plastic tubes stuck in my mommys nose, they come out her nose and is taped to the side of her face, go up to a clear plastic bag hanging up above her head. Another tube is stuck in her throat, it has tape around it. Her hands got tubes stuck in em too and is all swole up. A machine is going whoosh-rump whoosh-rump whoosh-rump. The doctor is from Africa. He talks to me in French sometimes and looks at my homework. He tells jokes. But today he is not joking. Shes doing her very best to stay here, little man. He grabs me up in his arms. But God may have other plans. He hand me to Rita, but Ritas skinny, cant hold me, puts me down. He leaves, comes back with a stool. Here, stand on this. Come on, little man, your mommys traveling. I want you to hold her hand. In the hall the nurse say, Im very sorry her condition is critical, absolutely no visitors except Let them in! Doctor say. White lady and lady with long dreadlocks come in and stand behind Rita at the foot of the bed. Im scared to touch Mommys hands with the tubes sticking in em. I look up at the doctor, frog eyes of his red, but he aint cry. I aint crying either. He walk over put my hand on Mommys shoulder. Wake up, Mommy. But her eyes dont open, she dont move. Then its like when you turn down the TV set and can see the pictures moving around but aint no sound. Its quiet. Mommy cough then go like ahh-ahh. Her head raises up a little but her eyes dont open then her head falls down. Oh my god! Rita say. Then the room is all noisy again, nurse in the hall talking, machine going whoosh-rump whoosh-rump, somebody drop something. The doctor pick me up like Im a baby and carry me out the room. I look back as the door swing shut, the nurse is pulling the tubes out Mommys hand.

I FEEL RITA sit down on the side of the bed. She trying to pull the covers down. I got em pulled over my head. Come on, little man, its time to get up! We gonna have eggs and bacon, and I let you have some coffee. I dont want to get up. Come on, I got the space heater on for you and everything. Come on, git up, go pee, and then come back and wash your face and brush your teeth. Come on, Abdul! I let her pull the covers off me, shes lucky I do cause Im very strong. I hop out the bed, run to the door, Rita swing it open. Hurry fore someone else gets in there. Put on your slippers! The floor might be nasty. I put on my slippers and run down the hall to the toilet. Psssss, feels good to pee. Close the door if you gotta number two. I ain gotta. You sure? No, I say, and close the door, pushing the little bolt through the loops to lock the door. I doo-doo, flush it down, open the door, and run back up the hallway. Rita hand me a washcloth and point to the sink.

Thats all thats in the room, really, a bed and a sink in the corner. Rita aint got no refrigerator, TV, or nothing, but I rather stay with her than Rhonda or any of my mothers other friends. I like Rita, shes nice to little kids. Im not really a little kid anymore, though. Im nine. I run the washcloth over my face. Rita come in, wet it, squeeze it out, hand it back to me. Get your eyes, all that sleepy stuff, then behind your ears! Take off your pajamas and wash your booty and under your arms. Hear! I nod, she heads down the hall to the toilet. The man in the room next door turn his music on. Tupac. The woman across from us is cussing in Spanish. She aint got no kids. The lady next door got three. I only been here for a week. Since my mother died.

Behind me on the bed, Rita gots my underwear and socks laid out. I like Tupac, but not that much. Man next door play him every morning. Rita say maybe thats all he got, but I looked inside his door once, he got CDs lined up along the walls up to the ceiling almost. My white shirt and black suit my mother bought me is hanging on the nail on the door. I know everybody on my block miss me, my friends probably wondering where I am. I wonder where I am. I know my mother aint dead like they be saying cause I be talking to her all the time just like I always did. But I know we probably aint going to Callie, to Disneyland, like she said we was. Two more yearsWhen I get outta school, were goin to California, to Disneyland! Wheres California? Dont be silly, look at the map! But I mean where is it really? Whatchu mean, honey? On the map its long and orange, near water. Right, its on the coast, like New York, but the West Coast. We gotta get on an airplane to fly across all this land, she wave her hand, and then wham, Callie! Look just enter: www.google.com, then Disneyland, California. I do, its 1,560,000 listings.

Abdul!

What?

What? Who you talking to? Dont what me! Put those clothes on.

Yes, Aunt Rita.

Outside the window a train is passing by.

What train is that?

Boy, you be asking some questions 24/7, dontchu!

I only want to know, my mother say if you want to know something, ask.

Of course, Aunt Ritas sorry. All I gotta do is mention my mother and I can get anything I want. Thats Metro-North going upstate to Scarsdale, White Plains, and Bedford Hills. Well get a schedule and see all the places it goes and go on a trip one day if you want. OK?

OK, I say.

Now, get your suit on and put some lotion on your face and hands. We wanna look nice. Rita is getting out her perfume and stuff, putting it on her head, under her arms, then out the bottle behind her knees and neck. Cmere, we wanna smell nice. I walk over to the side of the bed where shes sitting down. She got all her stuff on the windowsill and chair near the window. Raise up your arms. She laugh and spray under my arms. Your mom do that? I shake my head no. Well, just for today, she say, then she puts stuff from one of the bottles behind my ears. I dont mind, it smell nice. I go put my clothes on while Rita is making her eyes black. I look over my shoulder at her when she get up from the bed and take off her robe. Its not like girls in the magazines. Rita just look like a lady in her underwears, lumpy like. But when she puts on her black dress, whats all shiny and got a ruffle around the bottom, she look beautiful. Now she making her lips red. I like that, my mother do that too sometime.