Tracie Vaughn Zimmer - The Floating Circus

TRACIE VAUGHN ZIMMER

FOR THE ASTONISHING!
TALENTED!
MAGNIFICENT!
COLE & ABBIE ZIMMER

I SHOULDA LISTENED to my brother. Right follows Zach like a shadow, but wrong wears me like a skin. That rotten-mouthed Simeon wagered me his bread for a week if I could touch the roof of the orphanage. The nag in my stomach could get me to do most anything, and the roof didnt seem but a stretch higher than my usual spot. Every afternoon Id scramble up there to try to catch a glimpse of Momma on the busy streets of Pittsburgh. Skinny enough to see through, I was sure I could make it to the top of that tree fast as a squirrel. And I nearly did, too. When the branches started to bend and crackle under my weight, did it stop me? Heck, no. I wrapped my fingers around the branches and kept pulling myself toward sky.

My brother, Zach, called up to me, Get back down here, Owen! Ill throw sticks like you want.

No! Im bored sick of that game!

At first, all the kids at the orphanage, even the ones who just learned how to walk, watched me start up the tree. Shading their eyes from the spring sun, they followed me. But its a mighty big tree and little oneswhy, they lose interest fast. When I looked back down again, theyd scattered like chickens, plucking in the dirt or chasing each other around. I liked it better with an audience. Always had. I knew if I got close to the roof theyd all come back to see, and they did.

I called to them: Boys and girls! Lice magnets! Wastrels! Do not miss this daring exhibition of human skill. Owen Burke is a one-of-a-kind. Why, even monkeys in the jungles try to imitate his ways! Hes an American marvel. Now all the kids were staring again. The little ones waved at me, and I waved back and smiled.

Though it made me teeter a bit, I cupped my hands around my mouth, steadying myself by wedging my knee in a crook. Simeon, are you watching? I shouted. Im about to get all your bread for the week! Simeon was ignoring me, or trying to, sitting on the steps with the older boys. They were playing poor mans marbles, their pockets filled with pebbles that theyd rubbed against the bricks to get them round as they could.

At this height (about five men with top hats stacked up, maybe) I had a good view of the streets beyond the brick walls. The sun started to slip into blankets of clouds, and the whole city looked washed clean in the pale light. I could see the Y-shaped riversthe Ohio, the Allegheny, and the Monongahelasparkling and lots of the roofs of houses beyond. For a moment, it made me wonder whether Momma might still be living inside of one them. Now that shed rid herself of me and Zach she had more options. Maybe shed run off to a big city like New York or even out West to pan for gold! Thinking on Momma made me feel like I swallowed burning paper. She could rot. This was my world now and I was going to show that Simeon!

Finally, I got to the last strong limb near the roof and started edging my way out like an inchworm. My hands were icy and damp and my feet kept trying to slip out of my too-big boots. When I was a hand away, I called back down to Simeon so he couldnt deny Id made it. I could taste his bread now.

Look, Simeon! I did it! Just as I reached out to touch the roof line, the branch made a hideous crack beneath me and snapped. I hit near to every limb as I fell, fast as you can say Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Then it all went black.

WHEN I FINALLY WOKE UP, I wished I hadnt. It felt as if a cow had danced a jig all over my body. Everything hurt except my left arm, which felt like it was missing. It lay beside me like it belonged to somebody else. Zach was there reading the Bible when I woke up. My eyes were so swollen it was easier to keep them closed than open.

Owen? Owen? Zach whispered to me. Youve got to get better now.

I groaned but couldnt say anything just yet. I wanted to say I was trying to, but I couldnt make my lips mind my thoughts. I fell back into the black blanket of my mind.

The second time I woke up, it was the middle of the night, the moonlight pouring in through the window, and my brother still beside me, sleeping on the next cot. It was quiet in the small infirmary, nothing like the snoring, coughing, and crying in the boys dorm upstairs. Even the older boys would sometimes sniffle at night though nobody ever mentioned it come morning, unless he wanted to be blue about the face. My head still hurt, badit was a cannonball that I couldnt lift off my pillow.

My stomach started growling so loud I was afraid it might wake Zach. Then again, I knew better than that. At five years older than him, I always tried to protect Zach from the bullies in the neighborhood, and our own pa when hed come home drunk and riled up. But if I could get Zach to sleep, he never heard a thingnot even Pa and Mas legendary fights. And after Pa was gone, I dont guess Zach ever heard Momma cry at night either. A blessing.

Next time I woke it was finally morning. It was the gruel that woke me. Hard to believe that tasteless lump could bring me out of sleep, but I felt like I hadnt eaten in a year.

Zach, can I have some of your mush?

Zach looked so surprised to see me awake and asking for something I think I scared him.

How long I been sleeping?

Almost four days now. I wondered if you were ever going to wake up. His voice kind of snagged when he said that last bit, and it made me feel real sorry. He started spooning up his breakfast for me like I was the baby brother. At thirteen it was hard to swallow my pride with the mush.

I promise I wont do that again, I said, tasting the last bite.

Owen, even youre not so much a fool to try that again, are you? Zach asked with a smile.

No, I mean, I wont brag on myself. It was my mouth that got me into this, not my legs.

Nah, it was your stomach! he said, laughing. I couldnt help but start laughing with him though it made my head hurt even worse.

Well, I promise not to let my stomach talk through my mouth again.

Its okay, Owen. Im glad youre talking again.

The nurse walked in then, carrying a tray and her usual scowl. Well, Owen Burke, I see you are back among the living. She said it without much enthusiasm.

Yes, I answered, though my head feels like it might rather be dead.

She came over and touched my forehead with her cool fingers. This reminded me of Momma, and I swallowed back tears from the memory though she probably thought it was the pain.

Only a demon or an angel could save someone from a fall like that, she said, setting down the tray on a rickety table by the window. When she turned toward me I could feel her studying me, trying to figure out which one I was. Try as I might to be good, I werent never associated with angels. She slipped her hand behind my neck and pushed me up in the bed. I felt like an axe split my face, square between the eyes. But the hot, bitter tea she made me sip soothed my dry mouth and soon enough took the pain back out the door with her.

It was another seven days before I could walk out of there on my own. Zach stayed with me the whole time, and he never reminded me again about my straw for brains. When they sent me back up to the boys room, it seemed even sorrier than it had before. It smelled like dirty boys. And dirty boys are mean boys, there just aint no way around it. My days of hot soup and a generous hunk of bread were over. Hunger returned like a landlord that aint been paid.