Angjolie Mei - Dying to Meet You: Confessions of a Funeral Director

ISBN: 978-981-47-5729-4
First Edition: March 2017
2017 by Angjolie Mei
Cover Design by Yong Wen Yeu
Cover Photograph by Alecia Neo
Published in Singapore by Epigram Books
www.epigrambooks.sg
All rights reserved
Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

For all who have lost a loved one
may you find solace in insight
and wisdom.

M y clients are dying to meet me. Thats the clue I offer to strangers who ask me what I do for a living. Another witty one-liner that I sometimes throw out as a way of breaking the ice is: I have the best clients in the world because they never complain.

Im a funeral director. Some might think its bad luck to associate with someone of my profession, but the fact is that everyone will eventually need the kind of services I provide.

The number of deaths in Singapore has been on the rise since 960, and will not go down any time soon, given the countrys ageing population. About 5,700 Singaporeans died in 2005, and 9,800 in 205.

I have written this book, in part, because I want to lift the shroud of mystery that surrounds death in Singapore. There are misconceptions and ambiguity aplenty, but also a lot of curiosity about the topic.

When I take part in panel discussions as part of seminars, forums and talks, I am usually hit with a barrage of questions from the floor. People want to know what funeral directors do with the bodies of the dead, what to do when their loved ones die, and how the living should prepare for death. They are innately fascinated with death because it is not something encountered every day.

I also want to dispel stereotypes. Funeral directorspopularly called morticiansare a favourite feature in horror stories, and they are usually pale, grim, cadaverous men. In the past, when one thought of funeral directors in Singapore, the image that came to mind would be that of a Hokkien-speaking, chain-smoking middle-aged man in a T-shirt, who had ended up in what was thought of as a dead-end, pantang (inauspicious) job no one else wanted.

But funeral services have evolved, over time, from largely ritualistic ceremonies to meaningful, carefully curated events. In essence, funeral directors are event planners. The nitty-gritty of what I do starts when I get a call from a client whose family member has died. I help the family to organise the entire funeral event, from making sure the body looks presentable and acceptable, to booking venues for wakes and organising them, to helping family members pick out their loved ones cremains (cremated remains) after a funeral.

People often ask me why I chose to become a funeral director. I was not forced into my profession; I love my job. I view every funeral I do as a celebration of someones life. As we rejoice whenever babies are born, we should celebrate when people have completed their life journeysremember the things they have done, the people they have touched and the differences they have made.

I am one of a handful of certified funeral directors in Singaporeof which only a very small proportion are womenand the only certified funeral celebrant, which means that I am trained to organise funerals that reflect the personality and lifestyle of the deceased. The religion of the dead and their families also determines how a funeral is conducted. Apart from Hindu and Muslim funerals, I have organised funerals for Christians, Catholics, Buddhists, Taoists, Soka practitioners and freethinkers. My job is incredibly fulfilling, one in which I have learnt many life lessons through the funerals I have organised and from the interesting people I have met.

Becoming a funeral director as part of my own life journey is a tale in itself. I had never set out to become one. What I always say, when asked about my choice of profession, is that I didnt choose funeral directing. Funeral directing chose me. As a child, I was scarred by encounters with death. But when my father, Ang Yew Seng, a pioneer in the Singapore funeral industry, died in 2004, I had to quit my job and support my mother in a male-dominated industry.

It is also fitting that a funeral director who talks all day long about remembrance should write her own autobiography, perhaps to distribute at her own funeral one day.

As you read this book about my life as a funeral director, you will unavoidably think about death. But also, think about your life, make it count and make it last. Because I hope I will not have to meet you for a long time yet.