Abigail Thomas - Thinking About Memoir

T HINKING A BOUT M EMOIR

Abigail Thomas

New York / London
www.sterlingpublishing.com

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Passages from this book appeared first, in slightly different form, in the Washington Post Magazine and The Iowa Review.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Available

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

Published by Sterling Publishing Co., Inc.
387 Park Avenue South, New York, N.Y. 10016
The AARP name and logo are registered trademarks of AARP,
used under license to Sterling Publishing Co., Inc.
Copyright 2008 Abigail Thomas
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Sterling ISBN 978-1-4027-5235-3

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one
Writing Memoir

two
The Habit of Writing

three
Memory

four
Structure

five
Writing from Loss

six
More Exercises

Preface

This is a book about writing memoir. It doesnt come with blueprints or a set of instructionsthere arent any. Memoir can consist of looking back at a single summer, or the span of a whole lifetime. The book is divided into sections that give it a professional look, but dont be fooledthe sections are leaky, and spill from one to another. This book is also about being in the here-and-now, because memories survive on a wisp of fragrance, or a particular shade of blue, or a song that reminds you of a song, and you dont want to miss anything. Keep your eyes and ears open, also your heart. This is about letting the mind open up and wander, and about letting one thing lead to another. Follow the details. Detail is the antidote to boredom, and it tends to keep depression at bay.

This book is also about the habit of writing as a way to keep track of whats going on in the front and the back of your mind. You can write about nothing in particular; just write. An embarrassingly trivial note in my diary this morning about the local coffee tossed me back to Blynns on 14th Street in 1958. My friends and I went there every day after school to have serious conversations about I dont remember what, but we were fueled by cup after cup of black coffee. I remember the waitress calling out, Adam and Eve on a raft, hold the raft. I remember the booths were cracked red vinyl, none of us ate much of anything, and I think we all smoked Kents, but I dont remember what the raft was. Now I remember a small perfect shell I wore on a silver chain in those days. For the first time in ages I remember I buried that shell with a baby. One thing leads to another, like it or not.

Memoir is the story of how we got here from there. I hope this book will inspire different ways to look at the moment youre in right now, and see how far back it can take you. I hope it will make you admire how surprising life is, and I hope you will write.

Because who knows where that raft is going. Somebodys got to jump aboard.

T HINKING A BOUT M EMOIR

Writing Memoir

How to get started, how to keep going. What is memoir? How do you write one? What if you cant remember anything, or worse, what if you remember it all? What do you put in? Who do you want your readers to be? I cant write personal stuff, you say, my family will be upset. You have to put those worries aside. You need to feel free to write about the uncomfortable truths, and unless your motive for writing is revenge, you may find that these moments of discomfort are mostly your own. But, you say, I know so much about life now. I want to share my thoughts with all English-speaking peoples, and if lucky, foreign rights will also be sold. A word of caution: If you want to impart wisdom, you might wind up with a 300-page greeting card.

Writing memoir is a way to figure out who you used to be and how you got to be who you are. Still, as Raymond Carver once said, What good is insight? It only makes things worse. Why dredge up a lot of dusty memories? Why remind yourself that the old days will never come back? Why remind yourself of your own mortality? (The word memory comes from the same root as the word mourn, and that should tell you something.) You will find there are many reasons to go look in the icebox, or turn on the television, or reread Middlemarch. But pay attention to the little voice that whispers, This part was interesting. Pay attention to everything.

Recently I bought a garden statue of the Virgin Mary. I am not a religious person, but her face is beautiful, her blue robe faded, her manner full of grace. I put it in the living room, not wanting her rained on. A friend, Helen Klein Ross, looked at her and smiled. I used to stare at her when I was little, she said, hoping to see movement. She paused, brightened. Because then I would be a saint! If Helen hadnt already written brilliantly about her upbringing in a large Catholic family in the Midwest, Id have said, Helen! Start right there! Write!

But the jumping-off place isnt always so obvious. You cant always find the way in. Sometimes you need a side door. Thats where the exercises come in. Heres the one I give all my writing students the first week of the class.

Take any ten years of your life, reduce them to two pages, and every sentence has to be three words longnot two, not four, but three words long. You discover theres nowhere to hide in three-word sentences. You discover that you cant include everything, but half of writing is deciding what to leave out. Learning what to leave out is not the same thing as putting in only whats important. Sometimes its what youre not saying that gives a piece its shape. And its surprising what people include. Marriage, divorce, love, sexyes, theres all of that, but often what takes up precious space is sleeping on grass, or an ancient memory of blue Popsicle juice running down your sticky chin. When youre done, run your mind over everything the way a safecracker sandpapers his fingers to feel the clicks. If there is one sentence that hums, or gives off sparks, youve hit the jackpot. Then write another two pages starting right there.

Another exercise: Write two pages about a time when you were dressed inappropriately for the occasion. What occasion? Who thought you were inappropriate? Thats up to you.