S.J. Rye - Blessed in the Darkness

BLESSED IN THE DARKNESS

by

S.J RYE

This is an IndieMosh book

brought to you by MoshPit Publishing
an imprint of Moshers Business Support Pty Ltd

PO BOX 147
Hazelbrook NSW 2779

http://www.indiemosh.com.au/

Copyright 2016 Stacey Rye

All rights reserved

Licence Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If youre reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favourite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted by any person or entity, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the author and publisher.

Disclaimer

This is a memoir based on the authors recollection of names, places, events, conversations and other details. Not all items in the authors memory have been included and some may have been omitted, compressed, combined or changed for expediency, to protect the privacy of others or because this is the way the author remembers them. While you may think you recognise certain characters, events or places in this story, it is most likely that this will be by coincidence only. The author, their agents and publishers cannot be held responsible for any claim otherwise and take no responsibility for any such coincidence.

To my tree

Thanks for believing

xo

I sat thinking about all that had happened and felt defeated.

How could I let such a precious thing slip from my hands?

Beaten and bruised, it wasnt only my skin showing signs of the years.

I love you and I know you love me, too.

Sometimes people arent supposed to be together;

Sometimes people just dont know how to love in the right way.

The following story you are about to read is not just words spilled across a page. It is more than consonants and vowels, paragraphs and chapters more than a compilation of phrases to create a literary art piece. What you are about to read is real, raw and honest. It is my life! When I first started writing this book, I didnt realize how colossal a task it was going to be. I assumed scribing what has already taken place would be simple.

Oh how wrong I was!

I had to dredge up dark times I would rather have forgotten altogether. To accurately capture my thoughts and feelings during those times, I had to slip back into the shoes of my past-self. It would have been a heck of a lot easier to write from a place of victory from where I am today. However, I was determined to capture the true essence of what its really like for a young life to transform. Because of this approach, and my commitment to being as authentic as possible, this book contains swearing.

My intention is not to offend or upset any readers. Instead, I have included these words because that was who I was at the time. If I were to dilute my honest thoughts and language, I would incorrectly represent the journey I have travelled. I pray as you read this book, you will be able to understand the mind of a lost, broken and confused young person. I also pray this book brings light and hope to those who find themselves in similar situations. I truly understand how you feel (trust me, youre about to read all about it!). I pray you read this book with an open heart and become inspired to make steps toward a happier, healthier life.

If God can radically change my life, He can definitely do the same for you!

I lumbered up the ramp to the front door, knowing my entire life was going to completely change. I desperately wanted to run straight back to the familiar embrace of what I was fleeing. I hesitated, questioning if this was the right thing to do. Guilt spread over me like wildfire. I was hazy and irritable from all the vodka I had consumed the night before. I glanced back at my friends in the car, feeling so thankful they were there with me, even though I was embarrassed by them seeing me like this.

A tall, bald, lanky man opened the door.

Hey. Umm, Im Stacey. Melinda called you guys about me?

This is it! Theres no turning back now.

I realized he was the one Melinda had spoken to earlier that week and felt relieved he already knew who I was. I really didnt want to explain my life story to some stranger on some random doorstep whilst nursing a terrible hangover.

He introduced himself as Ian, and helped me gather my bags from the car. He was a remarkably cheerful guy and doing his best to make me feel welcome. I was attempting to appear sober as we entered his office, and I slouched into the couch across from him. He could probably still smell the sweet scent of regret from last night.

He was asking me questions while I focused on making sense:

Seventeen

Since last year

One

Yeah, sometimes

No

Im not really sure anymore, maybe

Yes

No

Brother

My heart was racing faster with every question.

Why couldnt he just pull my file from those countless doctors appointments and therapy sessions?

Ian explained the rules of the house and briefed me on my rights as a resident. He had me sign an Agreement, and then we made casual chit chat. This was probably his strategy to calm me down.

You seem like a good kid, Stacey. I know youre going to be fine. And I know that the big man has it all sorted.

Wait what?! Big man? God?! What the hell does God have to do with this?! Is that even who he is talking about? Probably he does seem like a weird Christian.

He showed me to my room and took me for a tour of the rest of the house. There was only one other resident currently checked in. She was sitting in the living room on her phone. She looked older and a lot tougher than me. I felt intimidated. Her name was Claire, and it turns out she was two years younger than me. Everything within me hoped that we could get along. I was feeling absolutely terrified a new environment with different people and new boundaries and routines making enemies was the worst thing I could do. First impressions were going to make or break me in here.

Ian interrupted my thoughts with another rule. Residents arent allowed to open the door

We had moved toward the kitchen when there was a sudden knock at the door. Claire was peering out the window trying to work out who it was.

I already knew.

Shit. Its my therapist

I can spot Melinda from a mile away. She is tall, with gorgeous long red hair, and her smile invites calm to the restless heart. She consistently shines positivity but not in the bullshit way that makes you want to throw up. I followed Ian to the door and watched as her face changed when she saw me standing there. It was strange to see her outside her office. This had happened once before at the supermarket, but I totally avoided her. Its like when you see teachers outside of school. Its super awkward and you cant believe they actually have a life that doesnt involve sitting in a classroom. Thats what it was like with Melinda. I had spent many hours sitting in her office, confessing my deepest, darkest secrets seeing her outside that context was just bizarre.

Oh darling! I wasnt planning on seeing you here so soon!