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Anne Miller - Healing Together: A Guide to Supporting Sexual Abuse Survivors

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Anne Miller Healing Together: A Guide to Supporting Sexual Abuse Survivors
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Healing Together: A Guide to Supporting Sexual Abuse Survivors: summary, description and annotation

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Sex is such an intimate topic historically wrapped in shame and when someone shares they were sexually abused, we may not know how to respond.

With recent #MeToo and #ChurchToo movements, we are learning just how many men, women, boys, and girls have suffered sexual abuse at the hands of a trusted person, often family members or leaders in the church. Sexual abuse is rampant in modern society and nowsometimes many years latersexual abuse survivors are sharing their stories.

Anne Marie Miller is a survivor of childhood clergy sexual abuse and has shared her journey toward healing with audiences all over the world. After speaking with thousands of survivors and their loved ones, she saw the need for a fundamental and practical guide for helping supporters of sexual abuse survivors understand the basics of abuse, trauma, healing, and hope. Drawing from her own experience as a survivor and evidence-based research, Anne addresses these questions and more in Healing Together:

  • What is sexual abuse?
  • How can I help survivors?
  • Who are predators and how do they groom victims?
  • How does trauma affect survivors?
  • What happens when someone doesnt remember the details of their abuse?
  • How does abuse wound the physical, emotional, and spiritual health of people who have been abused?
  • When and how should authorities be contacted?
  • How do you talk to your children about sexual abuse?
  • What are the warning signs of abuse?
  • Is healing possible?
  • Whether you are a spouse, a family member, a friend, or a church leader looking for easy-to-navigate resources to understand and support sexual abuse survivors, youll find answers and hope in these pages.

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    Miller writes with candor humility and a wealth of knowledge borne of both - photo 1

    Miller writes with candor, humility, and a wealth of knowledge borne of both experience and study. This book should be in the hands of every leader in the church and every follower of Christ. Equal parts handbook for what to do when sexual abuse happens and narrative for how to empathize with and care for victims of sexual abuse, Healing Together is a must-read.

    L ORE F ERGUSON W ILBERT, AUTHOR OF H ANDLE WITH C ARE (2020)

    Healing Together casts a compelling vision for the support of sexual assault survivors. It is a practical guide and first-aid resource written with the wisdom, honesty, and understanding of a survivor. This book explains clearly the effects of trauma, which is vital to our response and care for survivors. We will assign it in seminary courses we teach on preventing, recognizing, and responding to abuse.

    J USTIN S. H OLCOMB AND L INDSEY A. H OLCOMB , AUTHORS OF R ID OF M Y D ISGRACE AND I S I T M Y F AULT? J USTIN IS A BOARD MEMBER OF GRACE.

    This is the most well-rounded book on abuse Ive read to date. It is the perfect balance of personal narrative, spiritual implications, medical definitions, and practical application. This is an invaluable resource. Thank you for telling your story and sharing your expertise, Anne!

    J IMMY H INTON, PASTOR, ADVOCATE, HOST OF T HE S PEAKING O UT ON S EX A BUSE P ODCAST

    Anne Miller has penned a forthright narrative of how a pastor sexually abused her as a kid and how the Southern Baptist Convention betrayed her when she reported it. Thankfully, she doesnt offer up platitudes for such traumas, but rather, in this bandage of a book, she simply seeks to help people help survivors. And in that sort of heart-sourced help, there is hope.

    C HRISTA B ROWN, AUTHOR OF T HIS L ITTLE L IGHT

    An incredibly practical book on how to love the broken in our midst. This is a love letter to the church, asking her to rise up, put on empathys shoes, and weep alongside the weeping. Millers heart for others, her spot-on typification of trauma, and her love for Jesus emanate from these help-filled pages. Highly recommended.

    M ARY D E M UTH, AUTHOR OF W E T OO

    Rarely do you read a book from someone who is a survivor of sexual assault, a gifted writer, a student of trauma and abuse, and an advocate for other survivors. But Anne Marie is all of those. She uncovers the relatively hidden world of sexual trauma that only we survivors and trauma therapists see. Remarkably, she has distilled complex concepts and made them straight-forward without over-simplifying. This is a stand-alone achievement.

    M IKE P HILLIPS, COAUTHOR OF O VERCOMING P ORN

    Pastors, friends, and family members of survivors, if you have a desire to understand the heart of a survivor and know the many different phases of grief we experience, Healing Together will open your eyes to the ugliness of clergy abuse and how it affects the heart and life of a survivor years later.

    Survivors will find themselves agreeing with many of the emotions that are evident in the pages of this book as Miller walks through her journey.

    Raw, heart-wrenching, and eye-opening, Millers story grabbed my attention, and many times, I found myself sobbing. While I remain an active member of a Southern Baptist church, this book is a knowledgeable read and worth your time, whether you are a believer, Southern Baptist, survivor, or have a desire to learn more.

    M EGAN N ICHOLS L IVELY , SBC ADVOCATE AND SURVIVOR

    ZONDERVAN REFLECTIVE

    Healing Together

    Copyright 2019 by Anne Marie Miller

    Requests for information should be addressed to:

    Zondervan, 3900 Sparks Dr. SE, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49546

    ePub Edition September 2019: ISBN 978-0-310-11209-9

    Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.Zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

    Scripture quotations marked CSB are taken from the Christian Standard Bible, Copyright 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible, and CSB, are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

    This book is a source of information only and is intended to supplement, not replace, the advice of a trained professional. The resources identified are accurate as of the date published. The author and the publisher expressly disclaim responsibility for any adverse effects arising from the use or application of the information contained herein.

    Any internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) and telephone numbers in this book are offered as a resource. They are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement by Zondervan, nor does Zondervan vouch for the content of these sites and numbers for the life of this book.

    No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

    Cover design: Studio Nth, LLC

    Cover photo: Stas Malyarevsky/Shutterstock

    Interior design: Emily Ghattas

    19 20 21 22 23 / LSC / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

    Information about External Hyperlinks in this ebook

    Please note that footnotes in this ebook may contain hyperlinks to external websites as part of bibliographic citations. These hyperlinks have not been activated by the publisher, who cannot verify the accuracy of these links beyond the date of publication.

    To Charlotte
    I dont understand how God found me worthy enough to be your mom, but its the greatest privilege in the world, and my greatest joy. Youre the most amazing girl I know. Your hugs are epic. I love you, monster. Beep, beep.

    Dont participate in the fruitless works of darkness, but instead expose them.

    E PHESIANS 5:11 CSB

    L ORD my God, I called to you for help,
    and you healed me.

    P SALM 30:2

    Carry one anothers burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

    G ALATIANS 6:2 CSB

    To supporters and loved ones of sexual abuse survivorsHealing Together is not an easy read. It is full of words and acts that we have been told never to speak about, especially in church. For far too long, we have looked the other way, whether it be out of discomfort, shame, fear, or survival.

    You will be uncomfortable reading this book. You should be. Abuse should make us uncomfortable, sad, and angry. If you need to put it down for a moment, take a deep breath, and go for a walk, please do. But pick it up again. We must stare these evils in the face and confront them as we walk alongside survivors who have endured them. The reason sexual abuse has continued to perpetuate in modern society is because for too long many people have not been willing to stand under the immense weight and grief and evil that it causes. It isnt easy, but its necessary, now more than ever.

    But if you find yourself becoming overwhelmed to the point of despair while you read this book, please reach out for help. Talking to a trusted friend, counselor, or leader is key as you process this. We dont need to be perfect to help someone, but we do need to be healthy. Do not sacrifice your own physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual health as you take this on. I recommend you read this book as a group so that you can process the difficult truths you find and can converse openly about how it affects you. In Galatians 6:2, we learn we should carry each others burdens, and processing the content of this book with those in your trusted community is one of the ways you can do just that.

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