Amy Barth - 101 Tips for Survivors of Sexual Abuse: A Pocket Book of Wisdom

101 Tips For Survivors of Sexual Abuse: A Pocket Book of Wisdom

Copyright 2009 by Amy Barth. All Rights Reserved. Author info at www.AmyJBarth.com

No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmit- ted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, or stored in a re- trieval system, without the prior written consent of the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication DataBarth, Amy, 1959

101 tips for survivors of sexual abuse : a pocket book of wisdom / by Amy Barth.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN-13: 978-1-932690-94-1 (trade paper : alk. paper)
ISBN-10: 1-932690-94-8 (trade paper : alk. paper)

1. Sexual abuse victims--Psychology. 2. Adult child abuse victims--Psychology. I. Title. II. Title: One hundred and one tips for survivors of sexual abuse.
HV6556.B377 2009

616.85'8369--dc22

2009017490

Published by Loving Healing Press
5145 Pontiac Trail
Ann Arbor, MI 48105
Tollfree 888-761-6268
Fax 734-663-6861

www.AmyJBarth.com

Cover design by Shaila Abdullah

To the girls and young women of Camp CADIpast, present and future: you are all amazing, strong and coura- geous.

To all Childhood Sexual Abuse survivors.

To my Wise Woman for inspiration, support, believing in me, caring and teaching me the most important les- son of all about finding my authentic self. Thank-you, I love you.

My daughters: Ashleigh, Felicia and Rebeccathank you for your patience while I re-invented myself. You are amazing young women. I am very proud of you and I love you.

To all the strong women in my life: Diane, Barb, D.Z., J.C., J.S., Rivka, Sharon, Wanda thank-you.

To my publisher: thank-you for taking on projects that nobody else wants to touch and knowing that these are important topics.

If you are picking up this book, maybe you are a sur- vivor or maybe you care about one. 101 Tips For Sur- vivors of Sexual Abuse is the book I wish I had when I started my journey. I just wanted to know if what I was experiencing was normal.

Let me assure you, there is no normal, but instead all feelings are acceptable. As you flip through the book, youll probably notice that the tips arent grouped under headings like self-esteem or managing anger. This was a deliberate design because, as I found out, healing is a messy affair. It does not come in neat little categories.

Healing is highly unpredictable. The range of emotions that you will go through changes rapidly. Just go with the flow and be gentle on yourself. Remember, there is no timetable and there is no right or wrong way to heal. These are the key messages of this book!/p

The journey will be hard but well worth the trouble. Each of you has the power to heal and live a wonderful life.

Wishing you courage on your journey

Amy Barth,
May 2009

101 Tips For Survivors Of Sexual Abuse reaches out as a helping hand to survivors. In 38 years as a therapist with a specialty in treating abuse and trauma, I have witnessed the denial, even by professionals, that sexual abuse occurs. Professionals as well as the general public are now more informed about the existence of sexual abuse, but sadly, I am still shocked by the continued avoidance of dealing with sexual abuse. Learning about this injustice and taking action to prevent and treat its damaging effects remains a commitment to be embraced by everyone. Knowledge is strength. You need to know, most importantly that you are not alone, others care about you, we can all face the prob- lem of sexual abuse, and there is healing.

In this process of healing there are times when even the most informative material is too burdensome. Amy Barths 101 Tips can be a beginning place to take hold, an anchor to slow the overwhelming feelings of powerlessness, and a bridge to a new life of being who you really are.

You can read and reread the Tips. As you feel safer and stronger, you can put them into practice by doing some of the suggested activities. You will come up with even more effective and creative ways to make them work in your own life. If you are seeing a therapist, you can share the Tips with him or her and use them as a guide to document just exactly how you are taking hold and bringing about change in your life. Your growth and healing is no longer in any way connected to your abuser.

Once you are safe, YOU can be in charge of your hap- piness.

Karen R. Nash, LCSW

• Highlight the tips that resonate with you, so that you can find them quickly, when you need them.
• Please make this your mantra and say it everyday: It wasnt my fault and I can heal.
• You can turn any tip into an affirmation. An affirma- tion is a declaration that something is true. Affirma- tions should avoid negations such as dont or not. Rewrite them in positive language only.
• Post affirmations on your mirror, in your locker, in any private space that is your own.
• Sometimes a tip will bring up resistance, emotions, or unexplained tears. Try journaling about your feelings and reactions when embracing a challenging tip.

1. It wasnt my fault. Make it your mantraand say it every day until you believe it.

2. Forgive yourself.

3. Trust yourself.

4. There is not a timetable for healing.

5. Healing can take a lifetime.

6. It does get better.

7. Listen to your truth.

8. Sexual abuse does not define who you are. It happened to you, but it definitely does not define you.

9. Take care of yourself.

10. Feel your feelings.

11. There is no reason for you to be ashamed.

12. You dont need to feel guilty.

13. You dont need to prove anything to anybody.

14. Youre not a failure.

15. You didnt do anything to cause it. It was your perpetrators fault.

16. Cry, if you want to.

17. Live in your body: Respect it, Move it,Love it.

18. Dont numb your feelings with: food, drugs, alcohol, shopping, cutting, sex, TV, shoplifting, or thrill seeking.

19. Ask for help if you need it and realize there is no shame in that.

20. Find a therapist (make sure you click, if not it wont help).