Jim Davis - Garfields Top Ten Tom(cat) Foolery

Garfield's Top Ten Tom(cat) Foolery copyright 1997 Paws, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews.

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10. Rice cakes cause mange
9. Cheesecake population needs to be thinned
8. Do-it-yourself liposuction available in near future
7. Ignored desserts will develop low self-esteem
6. Half-off coupon for fat farm has expired
5. Shamu was a nobody before he put on weight
4. Less mutant leftovers spawning in your refrigerator
3. Love handles provide great place for setting snacks
2. Sumo wrestlers earn big bucks
1. A tummy is a terrible thing to waste!

10. Your pet food bill surpasses the national debt
9. He gets a court order requiring you to pamper him
8. Dogs in your neighborhood get anonymous hate mail
7. Mice hold conventions at your place
6. Your plants die mysterious deaths
5. Veterinarians pay you not to visit them
4. He puts a combination lock on your refrigerator
3. Hes sometimes mistaken for Rhode Island
2. He tries to have you fixed
1. Cant tell if hes sleeping or dead

10. Daddy Sang Bass, Mama Had Worms
9. Lipstick On Your Flea Collar, Cheatin On Your Mind
8. I Burp As Much In Texas As I Did In Tennessee
7. Call Me A Hairball Tomorrow, But Feed Me Tonight
6. Bubba Shot The Litterbox
5. Odie From Muskogee
4. Mamas, Dont Let Your Kittens Grow Up To Be Professional Wrestlers
3. Walk Softly On This Tail Of Mine
2. You Used To Be My Chew Toy, But I Used To Have Some Teeth,
1. Honky-Tonk Tabby (Getting Old..Feelin Flabby)

10. remote control
9. dog muzzle
8. donuts
7. coffeemaker
6. comcis
5. sleep sofa
4. back scratcher
3. microwave
2. pizza
1. microwave pizza

10. Dont know how I forgot this engagement at Buckingham Palace.
9. My cousin really needs my kidney.
8. Id let you talk to the space aliens, but for some reason they can only communicate with me.
7. Its a hair thing. I know youll understand.
6. That must have been one of my other personalities.
5. Everything before the accident is a blank.
4. I just rememberedIm married.
3. I know its last-minute, but Ive decided to change my sex.
2. Sorry, I had you confused with someone attractive.
1. Im probably not contagious, but

10. Love Chunky
9. Sweet Jowls
8. The Round Mound of Romance
7. Garfield von Studly
6. Sizzle Whiskers
5. Orange Thunder
4. Passion Paws
3. The Thrillmeister
2. Catsanova
1. Available

10. Hates being cooped up in a pet carrier during road trips
9. Tough to rebound with guys standing on your tail
8. Goes to sleep on defenseliterally
7. Shoots too many hairballs
6. Astronomical wage demands push teams over salary cap
5. Major girth precludes serious hangtime
4. One whiff of locker room, he loses his lunch
3. Notorious trash talkercant back it up
2. His only moves are toward concession stand
1. For Petes sake, hes a cat!

10. Swedish king a nut about cat hairs on the furniture
9. Meant to do life-saving DNA research, but overslept
8. Mooned Bjorn Borg during 1978 Wimbledon final
7. Always bets against the Minnesota Vikings
6. Literary output mostly fan letters to himself
5. Once called Swedes a bunch of reindeer-running fjord monkeys
4. Kissinger mouthed-off; gave short, fat winners a bad rep
3. Academy under thumb of Marmaduke lobby
2. Wont come acaross with the kronor, if you know what I mean
1. Starts to propose peace plan, winds up kicking Odies butt

10. You can play connect-the-dots on your liver spots
9. Went to antique auctionsthree people bid on you
8. Used to put cream in your coffee; now put formaldehyde
7. You knew Alexander the Great when he was just mediocre
6. Still growing hair, but only in your nose
5. You sprinkle tenderizer on your applesauce
4. They ask you to check your backs, and youre not carrying any
3. Prostate now the size of a pumpkin
2. Your birth certificate is written in hieroglyphics
1. Youve even got wrinkles on your teeth!

10. You have this tremendous urge to graze
9. Waiters bring you the dessert menu first
8. Your new house is a blimp hangar
7. You sweat butter
6. When you turn over, it registers on the Richter scale
5. A NASA satellite starts orbiting you
4. Someone tries to climb your north slope
3. You wonder if you still have feet
2. Even your mom starts calling you Moby
1. You think Garfield is in pretty good shape!

10. Buffy, The Inflatable Love Kitten