Meg McGuire - Blinded by Hope: One Mothers Journey Through Her Sons Bipolar Illness and Addiction

praise for blinded by hope

This is the book that every parent should read even if their child is not afflicted with both bipolar disorder and an addiction. It explains a mystery about why a parent is reluctant to make their child accountable for their destructive behavior and instead, chooses to believe their words over their actions. Meg McGuire goes to the root of denial and tells us the story of how she broke the infernal cycle of hope-disappointment-shame-despair-hope.

Ginette Paris, PhD, author of Heartbreak, Mourning, Loss: Detach or Die.

Meg McGuires brilliant and moving story, Blinded by Hope: My Journey Through My Sons Bipolar Illness and Addiction, returns repeatedly to the tough question of belief: Whose story does one believe? When does hope blind one to the truth? The anguish aroused in struggling to read and act on the true story comprises the dramatic tension that shapes the relationship McGuire creates with her son.

Dennis Patrick Slattery, author of Riting Myth, Mythic Writing: Plotting Your Personal Story.

Meg McGuires engaging memoir pulls readers into her fraught journey through the complexities of coping with a family members dueling diseases. She must confront the dangers of her sons bipolar illness, while also confronting her own denial about his drug use. What should she do for him and for the rest of her family? Ultimately, McGuire realizes she must also save herself. Her growing understanding is an inspiration to us all in whatever challenge we face.

Kim Bancroft, PhD, author of The Heyday of Malcolm Margolin: The Damn Good Times of a Fiercely Independent Publisher.

This poignantly honest book about one mothers struggle to maintain hope and loving support in face of her sons deteriorating mental health and substance abuse speaks to many mothers treading a similar painful path. In it we may recognize ourselves, our children and the frustrations of engagement with social structures that are often more destructive than helpful and a criminal justice system that is blind and deaf to the reality of these conditions.

Penelope Joy, Restorative Justice Advocate

Blinded by Hope should be required reading for parents and professionals who deal with children and families coping with addictions and/or mental illness. Meg McGuires authentic journey between hope and heartbreak clearly illuminates the veil that we as parents wear when we cannot see the truth of our childs illness. A captivating memoir, Blinded by Hope stands alone as a guide along the treacherous path of a loved ones substance abuse and mental illness.

Marti Glenn, PhD, Clinical Director, Quest Healing Retreats

blinded by hope

blinded by hope

She Writes Press is an independent publishing company founded to serve women writers everywhere. Visit us at www.shewritespress.com.

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Copyright 2017 Meg McGuire

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, digital scanning, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, please address She Writes Press.

Published 2017

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN: 978-1-63152-125-6 pbk.

ISBN: 978-1-63152-126-3 ebk

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016944596

Cover design by Julie Metz, Ltd./metzdesign.com

Interior design by Tabitha Lahr

For information, address:

She Writes Press

1563 Solano Ave #546

Berkeley, CA 94707

She Writes Press is a division of SparkPoint Studio, LLC.

All the events described in this book are true. However, in order to protect the identity of the author, the authors family members, friends, doctors, and members of the community, the names and identifying characteristics of some characters have been changed. In the cases where real names are used, they are done so with permission.

To my son for your perseverance and courage in dealing with your challenges.

To all the family members who are dedicated to getting effective and compassionate treatment for their loved ones who suffer with mental illness and substance abuse.

Until the last moment, anything is possible.

The Dalai Lama

Theres a comfort in the strength of love; Twill make a thing endurable, which else Would overset the mind or break the heart.

Wordsworth, from Michael

The San Francisco Superior Court judge looked at my son, whom I will call Ryan, as he passed sentence on him for receiving a stolen laptop and being present at a burglary. You come from a good background, youve had a good education, youve suffered no hardship. Four years.

The judge could have sentenced him to two years. It was a first incarceration. I think he got some pleasure out of putting a white, college-educated man in his place. Four years. He also ignored my plea at the sentencing hearing to take into consideration the factor of Ryans bipolar illness.

It was the words youve suffered no hardship that stabbed me to my core. My forty-three-year-old son had been struggling for twenty-two years with the dual curses of bipolar illness and drug addiction. It wasand still isa hardship for us all: Ryan, his father, his sister, and me.

What did the judge know about the trials of a family coping with a brain disorder? About the hardship of a mother whose heart broke over and over each time her son was hospitalized, each time he was fired from a job, each time a woman he loved said enough and left him? For twenty years, each time the phone rang late at night, I was terrified to answer.