Adams Media - Canadabis: The Canadian Weed Reader

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Canada is one of the most unique countries for fans of weed. With ample land to grow on and many hardworking marijuana activists, Canada has quickly become one of the worlds best places to live the stoner life. Now that weed is legal, Canucks are making their love of Mary Jane known more than ever. Here are some facts that prove that Canada is truly home to that magical leaf.

CANADA IS HOME TO THE BIGGEST GREENHOUSE ON EARTH

The medical marijuana greenhouse in Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario, sprawls out at 350,000 square feet and is blanketed in security systems and everything from sanitation to production is tightly regulated. So there go your hopes of impersonating a janitor and sneaking in to spend a month or two living in one of the utility closets.

YOUR HIGHNESS

Marc Emery is Canadas self-anointed Prince of Pot. As the head of British Columbias Marijuana Party, he has worked tirelessly for years as an advocate for cannabis rights, while also owning and operating a store in Vancouver that sells everything from bongs to pot leaf tee shirts. Unfortunately, he was arrested in early 2017 on several drug trafficking charges. He hasnt yet said whether hell be claiming immunity as royalty.

THE TRAGICALLY HEMP ?

The Canadian rock band known as the Tragically Hip have positioned themselves strategically in preparation for their retirement from the music scene by forming a partnership with the medical marijuana company called Newstrike. The executive chairman of the company explained the reasoning behind the collaboration thusly: No one knows Canada and Canadians like the members of the Tragically Hip. With their involvement and support, Newstrike firmly believes we are developing the brand that adult consumers who choose to use cannabis will turn to.

SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT

The sport of snowboarding made its first Olympic appearance at Nagano in 1998, and Ross Rebagliati did our country proud by bringing home the very first gold. Pride rapidly turned to national disgrace, however, when Rebagliatis medal was taken away after a positive test for marijuana. He claimed that he was merely the victim of a secondhand smokefilled party, to no avail. But when the Canadian Olympic delegation appealed the decision on the basis that weed shouldnt count as a performance-enhancing drug, they were successful and Rebagliatis medal was returned. Rebagliati later parlayed this fame into a successful medical marijuana company fittingly named Ross Gold.

A HARSH REALITY

A story recently began circulating that Tim Hortons would be getting into the marijuana dispensary business once it was legalized. It was later shown to be from a parody website, proving once again that you can never trust what you read on the Internet.

WE NEED MORE WEED !

Before the official start date of legal marijuana, the government ran into an interesting problem. Ontarios finance minister, Charles Sousa, said the biggest problem is one of supply. Apparently demand is so high to get high that an analyst claimed there would be a shortage right away.

WILL HE SELL DONUTS TOO ?

British Columbias own pot baron Don Briere used to be Canadas busiest marijuana grower and seller, at one point making $5 million per year on the stuff. Now that weed is legal, hes said that he wants his head shops, Weeds Glass and Gifts, to become the Tim Hortons of cannabis. Or maybe he wants to make Timmys the Weeds of coffee.

CALL IT VANSTERDAM

If you have any question as to which way the tides of Canadian history are turning, wrap your head around this: recently the city of Vancouver became home to more marijuana dispensaries than Tim Hortons franchises. Which suggests that the sooner fast food chains incorporate Cheetos-based options in their menus, the better.

SHOULD HAVE KEPT IT ON THE DOWN LOW

When marijuana reform advocates in British Columbia needed a place to hold their meetings, they decided on Tim Hortons restaurants for reasons likely related to their close proximity to muffins and/or donuts. The arrangement worked out just fine for a while, until the activists started announcing the fact in newspapers. The Tims people didnt really care for such a public association, and forced the group to meet elsewhere, much to the likely benefit of all Taco Bells within a 100-mile radius.

FIRST IN THE WORLD

In 2001, Canada became the first country to legalize medical marijuana. After a man named Terry Parker successfully argued that the marijuana laws at the time were unconstitutional, the government began allowing people to grow marijuana for their own personal medical use.

BLUNT HONESTY

While US President Bill Clinton famously claimed to have not inhaled when asked about his past experiences with marijuana, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is a little more... blunt. Hes admitted to inhaling plenty of times, including while he was a member of Parliament, and that he has no regrets about it at all.

SECONDS, PLEASE

A new hybrid strain of cannabis, made up of 90 percent indica and 10 percent sativa, called either Maple Syrup or Maple Leaf, should immediately be put in place as the national marijuana strain of the Great White North. Its flavor is exactly as sweet as its name implies and, unsurprisingly, it has a reputation for inducing extreme, near uncontrollable levels of the munchies.

JOINT CHIEF

In 2016, Bill Blair, a former Toronto Police chief and an MP, was put in charge of a task force with the goal of making sure marijuana legalization wouldnt cause Canada to become a lawless dystopia. His job, according to a government spokesman, would be to ensure we keep marijuana out of the hands of children, and the profits out of the hands of criminals. Blair has said hes never tried marijuana before and wont once its legal, but who knows. It worked out pretty well for the last MP who smoked while in Parliament.

TAKE TWO

Justin isnt the first Prime Minister Trudeau to be involved with the battle for legal marijuana. In 1969, his father, Pierre Trudeau, brought about the Commission of Inquiry into the Non-Medical Use of Drugs (also known as the Le Dain Commission). Unfortunately, the commissions recommendation to decriminalize the possession and growth of marijuana was ignored at the time. But now the son is finishing what the father started.

CANNABINOID SAUVIGNON

During a recent conference in Toronto, business leaders discussed strategy for the future of the Canadian economy. One of the suggestions that came up, one that would have been practically unthinkable a decade before, was to make the country a world leader in the burgeoning marijuana industry. Alan Gertner, the owner of a weed-friendly cafe chain called Tokyo Smoke and attendee of the conference, declared that Canada might one day be to cannabis what France is to wine. Representatives from the baguette and cheese industries allegedly began to cheer loudly when they heard this.