Mike Birbiglia - The New One: Painfully True Stories from a Reluctant Dad
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Note to Readers: In the recounting of the events in this memoir, chronologies have been compressed or altered and details have been changed to assist the narrative. Where dialogue appears, the intention was to re-create the essence of conversations rather than verbatim quotes. Names and identifying characteristics of some individuals have been changed.
Copyright 2020 by Mike Birbiglia
All poems 2020 by J. Hope Stein
Cover art and design by Wendy MacNaughton and Crystal English Sacca
Cover copyright 2020 by Hachette Book Group, Inc.
Hachette Book Group supports the right to free expression and the value of copyright. The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to produce the creative works that enrich our culture.
The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book without permission is a theft of the authors intellectual property. If you would like permission to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), please contact permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the authors rights.
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First Edition: May 2020
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Birbiglia, Mike, author. | Stein, J. Hope (Jen Hope), author.
Title: The new one : painfully true stories from a reluctant dad / Mike Birbiglia ; with poems by J. Hope Stein.
Description: First edition. | New York : Grand Central Publishing, 2020. |
Identifiers: LCCN 2019049244 | ISBN 9781538701515 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781538701539 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Birbiglia, Mike. | Birbiglia, MikeFamily. | Humorists, AmericanBiography. | FatherhoodHumor. | Parent and childHumor. | ParentingHumor. | Parent and childPoetry. | ParentingPoetry.
Classification: LCC PN2287.B45463 A3 2020 | DDC 792.7/6028092 [B]dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019049244
ISBNs: 978-1-5387-0151-5 (hardcover); 978-1-5387-0153-9 (ebook)
E3-20200319-JV-NF-ORI
For O.
In June of 2016 my wife, Jen, and I took our fourteen-month-old daughter, Oona, to the Nantucket Film Festival. When the festival director picked us up at the Nantucket airport (which was basically someones backyard with planes in it), she asked if I would tell a story at the festivals storytelling night.
She said, The theme is jealousy.
I said, I dont think I want to tell a story.
Jen said, Youre jealous of Oona. You should talk about that.
There was a playfulness with which Jen was needling me, but also she was right. The theme of the night could have been any number of things: fear, change, fear of change, loneliness. But the theme was jealousy. So thats where I began.
That afternoon I started opening up my journals and sharing with Jen some of my deepest, darkest, and funniest thoughts about our decision to have a child. Writing is always a process of trial and error, but this was writing about my own errors, so the errors felt compounded, like I was re-living my own mistakes and failing at that too. Jen and I shared with each other our sides of what had gone down during the pregnancy and in that first year with our daughter.
I told a story that week. It went pretty well. And so it began.
Over the next two years, Jen and I continued to write about this subject.
Our work evolved into an entire show called The New One, which ended up on Broadway.
The more I performed the show, the more people told me that the stories gave them a sense of catharsisnot just parents but also people who resist all kinds of change. So I pored over my journals, dug deeper, found a lot more stories, and created this book: The New One: Painfully True Stories from a Reluctant Dad. The book became something I had never expected to write. I confessed things to the page that I was previously uncomfortable confessing to myself. As I worked on the book, Jen showed me some poetry she was writing about the same themes. That poetry is sprinkled through these pages (those are my favorite parts).
So here it is. We hope you enjoy it. This book is an experiment. We figured it out as we went along.
Sort of like a family.
a newborn rests her head on the earth of mother.
everything else is outer space.
J. Hope Stein
My brother, Joe, used to be so cool, then he had two kids and now hes a loser.
Well, hes not a loser, but I will say his house is a lot less fun. Not that my life is that much more fun. Its just that Im comfortable. I live in Brooklyn with my wife, Jen, and our cat, Mazzy, and we have long decided that we are not going to have kids. Its one of the things Jen and I have always had in common. Sometimes we drive away from visiting our friends who have kids and confide in each other, Fuck that, from the privacy of our crumb-free sedan.
Its fall of 2012 when I wake up on Joes couch. Im trudging through his living room, tripping over stuffed pigs and Pack n Plays, and I join Joes family in the kitchen.
I open the fridge and grab a jar of peanut butter, and there is peanut butter on the outside of the jar. So Im holding a jar of peanut butter covered in peanut butter. And I think, How the hell did this happen? Did someone grab a handful of peanut butter out of the jar with their hand and then rub it on toast? And where might that person with that lack of judgment also put that same hand? I toss the peanut butter back in the fridge and sit at the table with Joe and the kids. Joes older son, Henry, is five. His younger son is two. The two-year-old is named Merritt, which was a name awarded to him at birth after he had achieved no accomplishments whatsoever.
I plop down at the table across from Joe and his meritless children. The moment my butt strikes the chair, I realize that Im resting on a sticky yogurt pouch. I look around for a napkin but the table is covered in wet Cheerios and Aquaphor, which are, I believe, the opposite of napkins. I look to my left, where Joe is queuing up a video on his phone of his son Henry. I find this infuriating. I think, I have Henry live. I dont need Henry on tape.
The video itself: underwhelming. Joe says, This is a video of Henry picking apples. Make sure you watch until the end!
I say, When does it end?
He says, Its about twelve minutes long.
I think, Nobody wants to watch that. Theres so much great content out there. I was on YouTube and I saw a ninety-second video of a cat giving another cat a massage. Dont waste my time with Henry picking apples.
Joe elaborates on their apple-picking trip. Something about stopping for ice cream on the way home. He fishes around in his phone for photo documentation, which I had not requested.
Joe says, This is the best photo. Its Henry eating ice cream!
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