Endorsements
Small keys unlock large doorsespecially the doors to our kids hearts. Ive watched Mike Berry live the message of this book. Its doubly inspiringfirst, because of what hes done in his own family, and second, because of what his example means for the rest of us. If youre looking to establish a lifelong connection with your kids, Mike Berry deserves your full attention.
Michael Hyatt , bestselling author of Your Best Year Ever and host of the Lead to Win podcast
Mike captures much of the essence and beauty of parenting, which can only come from years of experience, trial and error, and learning to see our children as God sees us. A must-have for parents who truly want to connect with their kids.
Stephen Arterburn , bestselling author, counselor, pastor, and founder and host of New Life Live
Mikes insight as a parent and a leader in the church will help every parent understand the significance of their role at every phase of a kids life. Winning the Heart of Your Child is a great starting place to understand your role as a parent, shift your perspective, and fight for what matters most in parenting.
Reggie Joiner , founder and CEO of Orange and coauthor of the Phase parenting series
Add Winning the Heart of Your Child to your parenting library today, and your children will thank you tomorrow. Mike Berrys mission to help you win your childs heart will have you laughing, reflecting, and taking action. An important must-read for parents everywhere.
Skip Prichard , CEO of OCLC, Inc., leadership blogger, and bestselling author of The Book of Mistakes: Secrets to Creating a Successful Future
A must-read for all who long to be the best parent or grandparent possible. With humility and authenticity, Mike Berry shares prerequisites for deepening relationships with kids and grandkids no matter what their stages in life. How I wish I would have had such a book as a young mom, but even as a mom of adult daughters and a grandparent, I can still incorporate the life-transforming truths articulated here.
Sherrie Eldridge , author of Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
This is a must-read for all parents. Drop the guilt and shame and constant worrying about whether youre doing everything wrong in raising your children. Step into smart parenting strategies that actually work, building relationships to last a lifetime.
Cherie Lowe , author of Your Money, Your Marriage: The Secrets to Smart Finance, Spicy Romance, and Their Intimate Connection and founder of QueenofFree . net
Whirling together needed honesty and witty humor, Mike has given us a gift in Winning the Heart of Your Child . His invaluable perspective as a parent who understands trauma gives insight into children from a multitude of backgrounds; this book is a must-read for any parent. Winning the Heart of Your Child has a perfect mix of self-analysis, loving boundaries, and healthy expectations for all of us. Do yourself and your kids a favor and get this book into your hands.
Natalie Brenner , author of This Undeserved Life and writer at www . NatalieBrennerWrites . com
Mike Berry, from his life experience, understands many things about parenting. At the top of his list is that in order to influence a child, a parent must be connected to their heart. He also understands that parental influence can be hampered by disconnected parenting. This very insightful and practical book introduces parents to the nine keys that open the door to lasting, meaningful, and healing relationships. I recommend this book for any parent who desires to build loving, connected families for a lifetime.
Jayne Schooler , coauthor of Wounded Children, Healing Homes and Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child
Mike s honesty is refreshing ! As a mom through birth , foster care , and adoption , this book reminds me I m not alone . Not only does Mike share from his personal experiences , but he also gives practical help while extending grace and inspires readers to think long term . As seasons change and your kids grow older , this book is one you will come back to time and time again .
Jami Kaeb , founder and executive director of the Forgotten Initiative
Mike Berry offers a gift to the world of parenting in Winning the Heart of Your Child . The book is drawn from a deep well of personal parenting experience, and Mike encourages, challenges, and supports parents with grace, humor, and realism as they navigate the tumultuous waters of the adolescent and teenage years. This is a must-have for those of us who want to capture the hearts of our children and be an effective influence in their lives.
Jason Johnson , speaker, blogger, and author of ReFraming Foster Care: Filtering Your Foster Parenting Journey through the Lens of the Gospel
As a mom just wading into the tween parenting phase, Im so grateful to have this book in preparation for the teenage years. While its a great resource for parents of teens who need a different approach, what a gift it is to those of us who are just setting our course! Many times, I found myself closing the pages of this book and being immediately faced with a real-life parenting pop quiz. I was grateful for the perspective shift and Mikes wise and hopeful voice cheerleading me on. Winning the Heart of Your Child gives hope for a better way!
Jamie C. Finn , author of Foster the Family
Half Title Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
2019 by Mike Berry
Published by Baker Books
a division of Baker Publishing Group
PO Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.bakerbooks.com
Ebook edition created 2019
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-1533-5
Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Published in association with Jim Hart of the Hartline Literary Agency, LLC.
Dedication
To Rachel, Krystal, Noelle, Jaala, Andre,
Elisha, Jacob, and Samuel.
Youve given me the amazing gift
of fatherhood, and Im forever grateful for it.
I love you each deeply with all that I am.
Contents
Cover
Endorsements
Half Title Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Introduction: From My Heart to Yours, So We Can Win Theirs
Part 1: The Great Misunderstanding
1. Winning the Argument but Losing the Heart
Pick the Right Fight
2. Boundaries Built with Love
One Essential for Parenting Influence
3. What the Gilmore Girls, Buddy the Elf, General Patton, and Mr. Strickland Share in Common
How Not to Parent Your Child
4. The Ugly Stepsisters of Parenting
Create a New Parenting Pattern
Part 2: Parenting for the Win
5. Everything I Know about Influence I Learned from My Mother-in-Law
Key 1: Blend Love and Discipline for Influence
Key 2: Understand and Embrace The Shift
7. You Need a Bigger Circle
Key 3: Amplify Other Voices of Influence
8. Time Is Not on Your Side
Key 4: Use Your Time Wisely
9. Be Fully There
Key 5: Stay Involved with Your Kids
10. I Would Rather Be the Tortoise