Wendell Blue - Only I Can Fix It

Copyright 2020 by Wendell Blue

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Table of Contents

Exhilarating Times

Billy, look, look, you just tell them[anything] and they [the rubes] believe it. Thats it, you justtell them, and they believe it. They just do.Donald Trump, asretold by Billy Bush1

The night that Trump was elected was a verydepressing but exciting one for me. I got so drunk that I couldntwalk and could hardly even see. I had to take a taxi home. That maynot sound exciting to the reader, but it was the first time that Ihad ever driven a taxi.

Three years later, listening to Baghdad Bob,er, I mean, Donald Trump speak on TV every day it is dj vu allover again. As American planes and soldiers were in the process ofdestroying the city of Baghdad in the first Gulf War, viewers weretreated to Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, also known as Baghdad Bob,cheerily proclaiming, We blocked them inside the city. Their rearis blocked. 2

Of course, it would have been more accuratefor Bob to say that his own countrys rear was getting kicked.Meanwhile, the American president assured the public in March 2020that the corona virus was completely under control. This, as thecountrys rear wasnt just blocked by the virus but was gettingkicked repeatedly.

Many years ago there was a joke aboutlong-time Spanish dictator Francisco Franco. When the Mexicanpresident, who was only allowed to serve six years, visited Spainhe asked Franco, How do you manage to stay in power so long?Its easy. Franco replied, I just surround myself with idiots,and by comparison I look brilliant. Watch this. He then calledover an aide and told him, Go to my house to see if I am there.The aide replied, Yes, sir, generalissimo! Marvelling as hewatched the aide hurry away, the Mexican president saidthoughtfully, Yes, I see what you mean. That man is an idiot. Iwould have called on the phone.

Could the gist of this joke be theexplanation for why Jarrod Kushner is not only in charge of theopioid crisis, but also the Middle East crisis and corona viruscrisis? Since he has no medical degree and has no experience ingovernment or diplomacy, it might be fair to ask why he overseesall these matters. Like Franco in the joke, President Trump justmight have put young Jarrod out front to make himself look better.If thats not the reason, then we must conclude that Mr. Kushner iseither a natural-born crisis specialist, or hes the son-in-law ofthe president. It must be one or the other.

Standing firmly and woodenly alongside Trumpand Kushner is Mike Pence, a 61-year-old man who calls his wifeMother. (So, is it incest when he mounts Mother.) At any rate,Mother doesnt have to worry about her man cheating on her. Herefuses to be alone in a room with another woman. This, of course,is perfectly normal behaviour for a 61-year-old man. Meanwhile, theman whom he serves and to whom he is embarrassingly servile, has adifferent approach regarding women. While the Vice-Presidentrefuses to be alone with a woman, our President seems to think itis acceptable to barge into the dressing rooms of teenage beautycontestants while they are in various stages of undress. This, ofcourse, is also perfectly normal behaviour for an old man.

Incredibly enough, there are some prudes inthe USA who think that it is wrong for an old man to barge intoyoung girls dressing rooms. The same prudes also criticized thePresident when he boasted about grabbing womens pussies.Fortunately, though, the country is blessed with a large group ofEvangelical voters who not only accept his locker room banterexplanation, but also voted for him in large enough numbers toallow him to occupy the White House. I think this is called votingones values.God must truly be on our side.

Like Trump, Mr. Pence is no stranger tobankruptcy. The oil company owned by his family, Kiel Bros. Oil C.,filed for bankruptcy in 2004 and left contaminated sites indifferent states in the Midwest. Instead of The Blues Brothers,we now have The Bankruptcy Brothers running the show in the US ofA.

Pences home state of Indiana has spent atleast $21 million on the clean-up of the contaminated sites thatPence left behind. 3 As a former Indiana resident, I,for one, am happy to know that my tax dollars have been well spentcleaning up his mess. After all, those tax dollars could have beenspent frivolously on education or health care.

In his 1990 campaign for congress, Pence usedpolitical donations to cover his mortgage payments, credit card andeven grocery bill. (What better way to use the money people havedonated to a political campaign?) This was actually legal at thetime, but for some inexplicable reason this practice has now beenbanned, which kind of takes the fun out of running for office.Incidentally, he lost the 1990 campaign, as he did the 1988campaign. Indiana is a special state, though, where God-fearing,wife-respecting, donation-spending men can find redemption, andPence ended up as governor of the state.

In his role as governor, Mr. Pence oversaw anHIV epidemic in Southern Indiana. Under Pence it was hard, almostimpossible, for people to know if they were infected because theonly testing provider in the affected area (Planned Parenthood) wasclosed because of cuts supported by Pence. Health experts proposedneedle-exchange programs to stop the spread of the disease, but thegovernor, in his wisdom, resisted for over a year. Eventually,Pence promised to go home and pray on it.

As a result of these prayers (Praise theLord!) he finally approved the needle-exchange program. Healthexperts have estimated that over 100 people were infectedunnecessarily as a result of his delays. God works in wondrous waysand sometimes uses imperfect instruments to carry out his will.Exceedingly imperfect instruments in certain cases. In fact, itshard to think of a more imperfect instrument than Mike Pence to bein charge of a health crisis. Well, that is, if you dont considerhis current boss.

This is the man that Trump placed in chargeof pandemic control. Is it any wonder that psychologists sayAmericans are feeling anxiety and having trouble sleepingthroughout the crisis? Just as good deeds never go unpunished, itseems that incompetence never goes unrewarded.

Romeo in the White House

Trump likes to give the impression that hehas loads of women pounding on his door. I think this might betrue, but I just hope that he eventually lets them out.

There are lots of rumors about Trump and hissex life, but its hard to truth from speculation. One certainty isthat Americans are quick to jump to conclusions. For example, whenTrump boasted that he grabbed women by the pussy, Americans(especially liberal ones) immediately assumed that he was referringto womens vaginas when he used the word pussy. That seems a bitpresumptuous. Coming from New York, perhaps in his dialect the wordpussy means another part of the body. An arm or a shoulder, forinstance. Just as there are alternative facts, perhaps there arealso unlikely alternative meanings of words.

And speaking of presumptuousness, even ifTrump did mean vagina when he said pussy, are we supposed toautomatically assume that the women were not pleased by the factthat he grabbed their pussies?!? Isnt it possible that these womenappreciated having a large, brash man they hardly knew grab them bythe pussy? Before we condemn a man for grabbing womens privateparts, we should at least determine whether or not they enjoyed theexperience. It only seems fair, especially in these times ofheightened partisanship.