Wendy Salisbury - The Toyboy Diaries 2: The Daily Male

Y ou cant go on shagging 28-year-olds forever! Where do you think youll be in five years time?

Shagging 33-year olds? I answer hopefully.

Calm Best Friend (CBF) looks at me disapprovingly over the top of her half-moon specs and purses her lips. Although Im three years her senior, I feel like a wayward schoolgirl.

This discussion has arisen because following twenty-two years of dating younger men, the Sisterhood is on a mission to see me settled, once and for all, with an older man. Calm, in her capacity as spokeswoman, has been chosen to put the screws on and theyre not the kind of screws I generally enjoy.

I usually run my problems past CBF because shes the least judgmental person I know. A great listener and advisor, she may suggest an alternative mode of behaviour but she rarely tells me Im actually wrong. This, in my opinion, is a great quality in a friend. Since qualifying as a Life Coach, however, she is more determined than ever to steer people towards achieving their attainable goals with clarity and confidence while removing real or perceived barriers.

Random bed-hopping with guys young enough to be my plumber obviously falls foul of this particular remit.

Darling, she scolds, trying to frown though the Botox wont let her. Youve got to start acting your age, not your bra size. You may think youre still fit and fabulous and of course, you are but now youve joined the bus-pass brigade your toyboy days are numbered. Its time to get sensible. You dont want to end up

Lonely in my old age? I parrot at her. Thats what my mother said when I divorced for the first time and what my daughters said when I divorced for the second!

Well you have to agree they had a point.

Our food arrives and CBF slides her fork into her Penne Puttanesca. I swirl mine around in my Carbonara but find the flavour sadly lacking. I catch the waiters eye and indicate that I would like some extra seasoning. He strides across the floor brandishing a giant pepper mill that he grinds atop my pasta until I raise my hand for him to stop. I smile in thanks and bat my eyelashes at him because hes young and hes cute and

Have you developed a tic or something? CBF interrupts. And have you listened to a word Ive said?

No. I mean, yes. Of course I have, but come on! Dont tell me youd object to that being washed and brought to your tent?

She shakes her head despairingly but theres a glint in her eye. She knows the score, even if it doesnt tally. She too has drunk from the fountain of youth and found the taste intoxicating, yet shes determined to have this forthright talk and wont give up that easily.

Youre in danger of embarrassing yourself, she goes on, kindly but firmly. Do I need to remind you youll be 62 next birthday? Its time to stop this toyboy nonsense and find someone appropriate before its too late.

I roll my eye skywards and leap to my own defense. Ive been out with loads of older men! Suitable suitors press their suit on me with mind-numbing regularity. Mind you, some of their suits truly do need pressing. Older men dont always know where their local dry cleaners are but the main problem is: they just dont turn me on! Anyway, where is it written that how I live is wrong? Did you know that in some cultures the mating of older women with younger men is actively encouraged? Pubescent boys visit the female elders to lose their virginity and learn about procreation. Well Ive done procreation and now I want recreation! And Im not going to find that with some grizzled old has-been.

What about Arnold? CBF suggests in the sort of voice reserved for an elderly relative when a Care Home is the final solution. He still looks good for his age. And hes quite lively, isnt he? He climbed Everest last year. And you like him, dont you?

It was a gentle trek in the foothills, actually, not a vertical assault on the north peak. And of course I like him hes a sweetheart but I dont like him like that. His face fits at the Royal Opera House or on the first tee at Gleneagles, but between my tawny thighs? I dont think so.

CBF sighs and takes my hand.

Look darling, she reasons, we I mean, I have only got your best interests at heart. There are so many charming, decent older men out there youd have much more in common with one of them. And a man like that would take care of you unlike these these juveniles you insist on collecting like butterflies on a board.

Would I could pin them down for that long, I mumble wistfully and contrive to change the subject.

We talk about her new career, catch up on the gossip about family and friends, discuss ways to boost our income in the shaky economy and linger on the current main event in my life: my younger daughters forthcoming wedding.