Chuck Holton - Making Men: Five Steps to Growing Up

Making Men

Five Steps to Growing Up

Chuck Holton

with

Trevor Williams

Published by Live Fire Books

2011 by Charles W. Holton

ISBN: 9781618423252

Cover image by Chuck Holton

Interior design by Janet McHenry

Author Photo by Jenna Crouch

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from:

The Holy Bible, English Standard Version

2011

by Crossway books

Published in the United States by Live Fire Books

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,

or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwisewithout prior written permission.

For information:

Charles Holton

www.makingmenbook.com

This book is dedicated to Ken Strunk, who encouraged me to be a man and still does.

Contents

Prologue

My dad didn't teach me anything about manhood, so I am winging it.

-in an email from a Christian dad.

To make a man, you must first know what one looks like.

This book presents a picture of manhood derived from my three-year study of what the Bible has to say about men. If I learned anything in that time, its that I still have a lot to learn. Im a passionate, driven person by nature, though, so please forgive me if I come on strong to the men reading this book. But its not a work for men only. In fact, I believe it is vitally important for young women to study the facets of a man, because Ive seen the absolutely horrific choices many women make in a life partner, whereas knowing the five facets of manhood would have saved them a lifetime of torment and regret.

Single mothers, too, often lament their sons have no positive male role model or mentor to emulate. For such women hoping to make a man out of their son, this book will provide a step-by-step guide to teaching their boy what a man looks like and what he needs to do to become one himself.

Ideally, fathers will use this book as a resource in guiding their sons into manhood. Ive used it as a curriculum for my own sons and have spread its message to churches and mens groups, where Ive seen it change lives around the globe. Often, married women come to me in tears after I present this study in a sermon, telling me how they wish their husbands could have been present to hear the message. I wish those husbands could see the hurt their passivity causes.

Some notes about terminology used in this book: I dont like to use terms like godly men or true manhood, because I believe qualifiers like godly and true are redundant and only dilute the meaning of the words to which they are applied. The manhood I describe in this book is certainly true and godly, but those qualities should be considered part and parcel with the words themselves. I mean, can you really have ungodly manhood?

To describe males who fail to achieve the standard of manhood, Ive chosen to use the term guys. Such as, guys collect status symbols to prove their worth, but men find such things unnecessary.

This work is meant to describe the most basic qualities of a man, from which all the other things we associate with a good one will derive. It will also explain my how I came to understand the five steps to manhood.

Its not written like a textbook, but more like a narrative about the steps that a guy must take to pick up the mantle of manhood and wear it well. Actions speak louder than words, but sometimes words can illuminate action and help make sense of it. My prayer is that in reading this work you will come to a much better understanding of what a man looks and acts like, and in so doing, youll be motivated to make your sons men and teach your daughters to recognize them. God help us if you fail.

The world desperately needs all the men it can get.

Chapter 1
The Big Question

A Typical Saturday, Any Mall in America

Look over there, Son. See the guy with the studded leather vest and the skull-and-crossbones bandana around his head? Why do you suppose he dresses that way? And what's with the scowl on his face?

Here, sit with me. Let's watch people go by for a little while. Notice all the different looks guys choose. What about that dudethe one in the too-tight tank top coming out of the vitamin store? His arms must be the size of my thigh. Whatever supplements he's got in that bag must be workinghes got muscles on top of his muscles and tattoos covering those. What would make a guy work that hard on his physique?

Oh, wait. Check out this kid over here. Shuffling along in saggy pants like one leg is shorter than the other. He's got his hat on sideways and a big gold chain around his neck. What kind of statement is he trying to make? What identity does he want to show the world? Does any part of that look kind of silly to you? So why does he dress that way, really?

Remember the guy we saw getting out of that seven-foot tall pickup in the parking lot? The one with flames painted on the side? Why would anyone possibly need a truck with tires that big?

It might not seem like these guys have anything in common, Son, but they do. They're all trying to answer the same question. It's a question every guy has to answer:

How will they know that I'm a man?

Dont make fun of them. One day soon you'll have to answer it, too.

The Answer

Every guy tries to find a way to answer the question, both for himself and for the world. Some respond by working hard, getting a good job, making lots of money. Others buy a crotch rocket. When I was a boy, I tried to answer that question by jumping off the roof of my house. Fortunately not every manifestation of the answer is as stupid as that. Later on, I tried to answer the question by becoming an Airborne Ranger.

I was only seventeen when I joined the army. I joined voluntarily, but looking back I really had no choice. Oh, there was a desire to serve my country, do my duty, all that good stuff...but if I'm brutally honest, I had to join the military.

See, I got bullied a lot in high school. I was only a buck twenty soaking wet. Half a dozen boys in my class decided their undeclared major was to make my life miserable. As soon as I could, I joined the army and volunteered for the Rangers, because it was the best solution I could think of to make sure nobody ever picked on me again. I needed something tangiblelike the Ranger beretto prove to everyone, myself included, that I could hold my own in the land of men.

Throughout basic training, then Airborne School, and, finally, the three-week Ranger Indoctrination Program, I wanted to quit many times, but not once did I seriously entertain the thought. No way could I give up. Too much was at stake.

On graduation day I proudly donned the Ranger beret and reported for duty at the Ranger regiment, only to make a terrible discovery. I now had what I needed to prove to those high school bullies that I was a man, but they didn't matter anymore. Now I was surrounded by a tougher, meaner, been-there-done-that crowd of Rangers, who made those high-school jerks look as childish as they really were. Now I had to prove myself to a new community of tough guys, and the Ranger beret was worth little more than the price of admission.

One thought prevailed: Here we go again.

Looking back, I can see many of those guys were facing the same questions. How do I prove that I'm a man? What does a real man look like? How does he talk? And many of us lived by this unspoken maxim: Fake it till you make it.

Operation Just Cause

I can still hear the whirr of the C-130 aircraft engine and smell the jet fuel mixed with the fetid odor of the jungle below. I remember the jolt as my parachute deployed and the aircraft noise fading into the distance. Below the rucksack strapped to my waist, the black carpet of earth spread out, merging on the horizon with the dark curtain of night sky. The stars above mirrored the white sparks of enemy gunfire below me, as my parachute sent me hurtling the last three hundred feet to the ground. Just before impact, tracers strafed my chute. Someone was trying to kill me.