I could have written this book and then kept it locked away in a safe place for a very long time indeed, forever. Instead, many of my thoughts, and vivid recollections of the event, and much of the writing that I have penned over the last twenty years, I now choose to publish, for several reasons and a variety of people. As writing this book has enhanced my personal healing, it is my greatest hope that it will in some way help you too to begin to restore your health if you have been in a similar situation at any time during your life. Your experiences may have been recent or in the more distant past, but that does not matter: it is never too late to heal. Healing does not have set time limits. You must first restore your health before you can move on with your life.
The first reason I am publishing this book is that, perhaps selfishly, I am seeking personal closure following the trauma I endured in 1995 as a result of the reckless, negligent and possibly premeditated behaviour of Dr Michael Neary, obstetrician at Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital in Drogheda, and the system that prevailed in that era. Indeed, it is the same reckless negligence which appears to have spanned a quarter of a century in total, with many women affected at his hands. My trauma occurred during the delivery of my baby by caesarean section on 10 July 1995. I went into the Lourdes Hospital knowing, in advance, that my baby would be delivered by elective caesarean section, but with no idea of the horrendous consequences that lay in store for me and my family.
In writing this book I wish to highlight the many closed doors I encountered over my twenty-year search for answers, and continuous quest for justice. There was a mentality of not rocking the boat, and not questioning doctors.
I was betrayed by the Irish government and the ministers for health at that time Michel Martin and, later, Mary Harney in the narrow, mindless and exclusive way in which they set up the Patient Redress Board following numerous inquiries all those years later.
I want to make public the approach adopted by the reviewing consultants to whom I was referred. It is said that the written word lasts forever, and this was certainly the belief system that I encountered in reviewing my files. Medical insensitivity to my experience was at times personally degrading; their belief in the written word in the hospital charts which they treated as gospel and to which only they were privy was, during the many subsequent inquiries, often found to be misplaced. Believing the written word which they may have known was flawed may have even been their way of excercising medical privilege, serving to make the patient feel insignificant. Thankfully, patients today are much more clued in to their health, far more so than in the last century, when these crimes took place. With the advent of the Internet, people are also constantly researching their conditions and taking less for granted.
Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, I am publishing this book for other women. I know of many women who have stated that they have undergone unplanned hysterectomies (surgical womb removals) at the Lourdes Hospital. Some had only recently been married, and had had their opportunity to conceive and give birth surgically taken away from them, without their knowledge. This procedure was carried out without their control or consent, and performed by means of hysterectomy or oophorectomy (removal of ovaries). Some women only learnt of their fate much later on, in their review appointment.
For others, the surgery was performed during the delivery of their first baby, or during their subsequent deliveries. In some cases, those babies died at birth, or shortly afterwards. But whether it was their first baby or not, nobody had given this man the right to decide on their parity. I wonder if Dr Neary had thought through how his actions would mould the lives of these women and their families? Does he have any idea of the grief he has caused so many families? Does he care?
Many of these women have never been heard of in the public domain following their trauma, either by choice or opportunity. This does not mean they have not suffered, nor indeed that they may not still suffer. Many felt bullied into silence by family or medical professionals, who either made them feel stupidly inarticulate or that the procedure was a genuinely life-saving surgery. Some even felt personal shame as a result of their outcome. Whatever our background, many of us will carry this hurt to our graves.
The purpose of this book is to encourage women who have suffered injustice never to give up in their quest for truth and justice. It is dedicated to women who have suffered similar experiences to me, and may remain isolated in silence; those who have chosen not to speak out about their tragedy; and those who have felt unable to speak out about their experience.
This book is also written for men who have a wife, partner, sister, mother or friend who has endured a similar fate at the hands of Dr Neary or other medical professionals while under their care, and men who have themselves encountered difficult experiences or unwarranted surgeries at the hands of the medical profession.
Thirdly, I have written this book for the many excellent doctors, nurses and others in the caring profession. Most of these amazing professionals never receive praise and thanks for the outstanding work they do on a daily basis. Many of these doctors, nurses and other medical professionals feel deeply tainted and distrusted by the public following the inquiry reports in the wake of the Neary revelations. This, in itself, is an injustice to those hard-working individuals.
To those working in the medical profession:
- Never be afraid to speak up in the cause of right.
- Remember the Hippocratic oath, First do no harm. Harm extends beyond the physical impact to the very language used when relating to patients. Is your message always relayed with understanding, compassion and competency, or is it controlled by dominance, self-glorification, self-gratification or fear?
- Do not be afraid to be a whistleblower if you see or feel that wrong is being done: everyone has a moral obligation to relay the truth.
- Always bear in mind that a human being has physical, mental, emotional and spiritual components in their make-up. Each component is of equal importance, though not always equally addressed in medical circles. Allopathic medicine usually concentrates more on physical signs and symptoms, often omitting the emotional consequences of a condition.
This book is written to highlight how your mental health can be destroyed by unprecedented actions and inappropriate treatment by others, including those in the medical profession. This can happen following a misguided or split-second decision, one with long-lasting repercussions.
Depression is the impression left by fear. Serious mental-health disruption knows no boundaries, crosses all barriers, creeds and classes and can have unpredictable adverse effects. There are no hard and fast rules on how soon after the event this may occur, or how long it may last. For many, it can become a never-ending nightmare: a horror movie in which many of the scenes are replayed time and time again; and from which there may be no awakening. It can be like being tortured by some unknown force. Nobody is immune to this disruption during their lifetime. Yet it is the one area of healthcare most hidden from society. No one chooses illness from the menu of life, but each one of us is vulnerable, and can tumble at any time. We can all get lost in the fog that shrouds our life, since life is an imperfect journey.
I wish to clarify that I am in no way anti-doctor or anti-allopathic medicine. I know many wonderful doctors and nurses who enter their professions to devote their lives to the cause of excellent care and the cause of what is right for their patients to make a real difference. Many go beyond the call of duty.