Christine U. Cowin - My Secret Self: Questioning Life in Marriage

My Secret Self:

SERIES - BOOK TWO

Questioning Life
in Marriage

Christine U. Cowin

My Secret Self: Questioning Life in Marriage

First published in Australia by Christine U. Cowin 2019

www.christineucowinwriter.com

www.amazon.com/author/christineucowinwriter

Copyright Christine U. Cowin 2019

All Rights Reserved

Prepublication Data Service details available from

The National Library of Australia

ISBN: 978-0-6484013-3-9 (ebk)

ISBN: 978-0-6484013-2-2 (pbk)

Typesetting and design by Publicious Book Publishing

Published in collaboration with Publicious Book Publishing

www.publicious.com.au

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the permission in writing of the publisher.

This book is sold subject to the conditions that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publishers prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

I, Christine U. Cowin, the owner of the book and its publishing rights and the author of the first book and following series of books, assert the moral right under Christine U. Cowin to be identified as the sole author and owner of the series of books beginning with My Secret Self, and all following series stemming from the first book and thereafter.

All names of people and places have been changed, except those I have been given permission to keep in the final draft of my book, so as to protect the innocent and to keep confidentiality and respect with those who entered my life.

I dedicate my book to all those who have crossed my path, offering me a chance to learn what I needed to learn. This story is my truth and there is no intention on my part to ever hurt or harm anybody, I just want to tell my true story. Thank you to all who have been a part of my life. Our journey together has enabled me to understand life and grow as a person. And for that I love you and appreciate you.

Each side will have their own story to tell and their reasons for what they did and why they did it. Its our conditionings that separate us all and the fact that each feels they are right. Maybe none of us are right.

My Secret Self: Book 1 - Trials and Tribulations of an Innocent, published in, September 2018

My website contains my Bio, links to purchase my books and reviews:

Website: www.christineucowinwriter.com

Email address:

Amazon Central Authors Page:

www.amazon.com/author/christineucowinwriter

She is ready,

Steady, steady she must go,

Dont despair,

Your turn will come for the curtain to lift,

Trust your heart,

Live and wait,

Study dont hesitate,

Life and knowledge will open doors to you,

Your journey is long,

The time is near to bring forth your true self.

Christine U. Cowin

I am a mystery to me; because I was never allowed to be me,

I succumbed to the whims of others and allowed them to squash me,

My heart grew wiser and started to question,

Caught in the illusion was a hidden self, an unsure self,

Who am I?

What is this all about?

Seek to reveal.

Christine U. Cowin

H ow deceived we are in life. I am sure were dancing to the tune of some author directing his play of mischief and mystery.

I had left school and was embarking on a job that I didnt want to be in. This was it for a woman. Marriage was the only avenue left to escape my life with my parents. From a teenager, destiny told me Id marry a person from overseas, and fate, or the director of the play, organised that.

This will prove to be not in line with me, nonetheless it was done. There were two children born from this union. I had to bring changes in for them. I didnt want my children to follow in the footsteps of my life or my husbands life.

How could I ensure those changes would be brought forth and family patterns wouldnt carry through to them? Trust was all I had and my mind was determined enough to do it. I knew what I wanted and didnt want. Only I could make those changes happen.

The families of both sides would be a challenge for me; as time moved forward, bigger questions would invade my mind. Id discover an aspect of myself: a seeker of knowledge. I bided my time.

I wanted to read books; this new aspect was causing my husband concern. I knew reading was a normal thing to do, but not in his eyes. He was thinking I may develop ideas around romanticism, which was the furthest thing from my mind. I would bide my time and grow silently as I waited out my chance for change.

We all carry a secret self within, and until we unlock those secret parts of ourselves, life will push us to seek out those hidden parts.

I was born to experience life and my experiences in life have created this book. Without those experiences, how would I have grown as a person to find my true self out of the lie I thought I was?

Life is to be lived and experienced to develop and grow as a person. When we deny our Self this opportunity, we deny our Self the experiences of life.

Live your life, whether it is good, bad, or indifferent, until you conquer the falsehood holding you a prisoner of your mind.

Just take the reins of life and go for it, allowing your Spirit to be your horse as you ride through the plays of your journeys.

So dont hold back on those reins; youll never know if you dont take the plunge, to answer what you need to do.

Look beyond the dramas of your life to see the wisdom in your life.

All I encounter are mere characters of me, for I am the creator of my own play, I am the storyteller unfolding the story.

Christine U. Cowin

I n the new year of 1969, I wanted to train as a metallurgist. My parents took me to one of our regional mining companies for a job interview. I put on my lovely blue A-line dress, a mature look for the job interview. In this dress my whole sense of being changed. I wasnt the wild girl Id so far been. I became the serious, proper girl. The drive down to Dawson Hill was quiet; my parents didnt have much to say to me or each other, especially when Dad was in our company. Mum had been connecting with me and we seemed to be hitting it off away from him. I just admired the scenery as we travelled along, wondering how long it would be before all the vacant land between Dawson Hill and Hastings Crossing would be filled with houses.

I felt old, and ready for something. I wasnt sure what it was, but there was a change in the air. I sensed it. It had been good going out with Carmel, and I was so glad Id met Brook. I pondered on how nice it was, but hed gone to Jacksonville. I had to be more serious. What would have made me happier would have been if I could have gone on to fifth and sixth year.

We arrived at the head office. I didnt know anything about metallurgy but I loved geography, and metals and metal compounds in science. There was some connection I had with these subjects, but I was not sure what or where from.