Beverly Smith-Tillery - Invisible Wounds of War: My Redemption

War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each others children.

Jimmy Carter

Seeking to forget makes exile all the longer. The secret of redemption lies in remembrance.

Richard von Weizsacher

This project could not have been completed without the help of many people. I will do my best to not slight anyone. If by chance, I miss a fellow traveler in my long journey with PTSD and in compiling this book, please know that I am eternally grateful for all the help I received. First, I would like to thank my wonderful friend, Mr. Robert Driver. We have become confidants over the last two years. His encouragement kept me going on many long days. Our lively phone conversations broke up the monotony of hours of writing. My deepest appreciation is offered to my team of Beta Readers. They include: my sister Barbara Gray, who used her years of experience writing technical manuals to correct my punctuation, grammar and run on sentences; my special friend Tracy Solomon, who by her encouragement and praise made me feel that I could indeed finish this task; and my strong and steady friend Don Jensen, who made me know that God truly wanted this book finished. I would also like to thank my nephew Jamie Gray for the third and final title for my book. The path to completion of this book has been stressful and exhausting, but I have had a special person leading me along the way. That person is Amy J. Cianci, my Project Manager, at The St. Petersburg Press. Thank you, Amy, for believing in this work and for all your hours of patient listening. Lastly, I would like to thank my husband Mark Tillery, who went to war with me, understood the mental anguish of my PTSD and stood by me through the roughest times. During the writing of this book, he ate a lot of canned soup and brought me cups of coffee so I could keep going. He is the reason I get up every morning and walk the long road of living with PTSD.

LRMC - Landstuhl Regional Medical Center is the largest US military hospital outside the continental United States. Located near Landstuhl, Germany, it serves as the nearest treatment center for wounded soldiers from Iraq and Afghanistan. Also serves as a stop-over (medevacked via the nearby Ramstein Air Base) for serious casualties from Iraq and Afghanistan before being flown to the US. There is a myth at LRMC that the building was used by Hitler as the training site for his Youth Corps, as young as ten. The myth proposes that the US military obtained the building as a spoil of winning World War II. It is believed that the ghosts of those children walk the halls of LRMC.

PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a psychiatric disorder that can occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event, such as a natural disaster, a serious accident, war/combat, rape or other violent personal assault. People with PTSD have intense, disturbing feelings related to their traumatic event that last long after the traumatic event has ended. They may relive the event through flashbacks or nightmares. They may feel sadness, fear, anger or guilt and feel detached or estranged from other people.

PONDS - Pond Security is a security service headquartered in Hesse, Germany. Founded by Daniel M. Pond in 1983 to guard railroads, airports and military installations.

D-Fac - Military slang for a Dining Facility.

Med-Cen - Military slang for a Medical Center.

MASH - The Mobile Army Surgical Hospital refers to a US Army medical unit serving as a fully functional hospital in a combat area of operations. The units were first established in 1945, and were deployed during the Korean War and other conflicts. The successor to MASH is the Combat Support Hospital (CSH).

BAMC - Brooke Army Medical Center is the US Army's premier medical institution. Located at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio, Texas, it is a 425 bed Academic Medical Center and is the Department of Defense's largest facility. It is home to the US Army Institute of Surgical Research Burn Center.

VAMC - Veterans Affairs Medical Center

DDEAMC - Dwight David Eisenhower Army Medical Center is a 93 bed medical treatment facility located at Fort Gordon, Georgia near Augusta, Georgia. Active duty personnel and their beneficiaries use the medical center and clinics for their primary health care.

USERRA - The Uniform Services Employment and Reemployment Rights Act, passed in 1994, is a Federal statute that protects servicemembers' and veterans' civilian employment rights. It specifically safeguards the civilian employment of reserve military personnel in the US called to active duty. More information about USERRA can be found at https://www.justice.gov/crt-military/userra-statute.

ESGR - The Employer Support of the Guard and Reserve is the lead US Defense Department program promoting cooperation and understanding between civilian employers and their National Guard and Reserve employees. ESGR's primary means for mediating workplace conflict is its Ombudsman Services Program.

1st Loo-ey - Army slang for First Lieutenant military rank.

LTC - Lieutenant Colonel military rank.

With two exceptions, all photographs in this book are the personal photos of the author or have been reprinted with the permission of the Department of Defense. The DoD photos are taken of active duty service personnel by active duty service personnel. We thank all branches of the U.S. Military represented by those photographers and photo subjects for contributing to this journey.