Amir Khan - The Doctor Will See You Now: The highs and lows of my life as an NHS GP

Dr Amir Khan is a full-time GP living in the UK. He is a GP Trainer, an Honorary Senior Lecturer at both Bradford and Leeds University, as well as being on the advisory board for the School of Pharmacy and Practice Managers Association.

He has appeared on shows such as GPs Behind Closed Doors, How to Lose a stone for Summer and Why Cant I Sleep? Amir has also been a regular on Lorraine, and numerous other news outlets, providing advice and insight on the coronavirus.

Amir is an ambassador for the National Wildlife Trust, combining his credentials as a GP with encouraging schools and councils to reserve land to learn from.

His hobbies include, keeping fit, running, conservation, gardening and keeping on the right side of his mother!

Twitter: @DrAmirKhanGP

Instagram: doctoramirkhan

To all my colleagues in the NHS

The events described in this book are based on the experiences and recollections of the author. To preserve patient confidentiality and the privacy of colleagues, names and other identifying features have been changed. The anecdotes described are not based on any one specific individual but rather a selection of composite characters drawing on the various experiences of the author, during his time working in numerous different medical practices and placements. Although a character has been given a name, such as Percy, this is for narrative flow rather than because it represents just one person. Any similarities are purely coincidental. This is because this is not a book about the individuals described but about what we can learn from them and how they shape our approach as medical practitioners to our patients and, as readers, to each other.

It was the bank holiday weekend and the sun was shining. Sunday afternoon made for the perfect opportunity to go to the garden centre and buy some bedding plants to fill some of the gaps in his garden.

It was busy when he arrived everyone had obviously had the same idea so he had to park a fair distance away. But it didnt matter, he didnt mind the walk. There were lots of people wandering around with trolleys filled with plants and ornaments; the coffee shop was brimming with customers ordering cakes and teas.

He followed the signs to the bedding plant area, his empty trolley ready to be filled. The pansies looked good but perhaps he should go for a perennial instead? That way he wouldnt have to fill the gaps again next year. It was a rather nice predicament to be in. He savoured the moment.

Hi, mate. Youre that doctor, arent you? A voice cut through his thoughts.

He looked up. A man in his seventies stood there, waiting patiently for an answer.

Sorry? he said, taking a minute to come out of his daze.

I know you, youre that doctor, the man repeated.

Yes, he said, trying to remember if he had ever met this man before. No, definitely not. Nice to meet you. He extended his hand to greet him.

The man ignored his offer of a handshake and instead started unbuttoning his trousers. Mate, you wouldnt mind having a look at this, would you? Ive been trying to see my own GP for weeks but cant get an appointment. He pulled down his trousers, accidentally bringing his underpants down with them. He quickly tried to pull them back up again but it was too late, the doctor had already seen too much.

A few other shoppers were starting to give the two of them funny looks. The woman next to them, who was also considering the delphiniums, hurriedly pushed her trolley away.

Ive had this rash in my groin now for nearly a month. Its incredibly itchy and sore. What do you think it is, doc? the man asked the doctor.

Shall we go somewhere more private? the doctor said, acutely aware of the stares from passers-by.

Its all right, doc. Im sure you see this kind of thing all the time. The man wasnt going anywhere without an answer.

The rash did look angry and had clearly been scratched, as there were areas that were bleeding. The doctor was about to say something when a lady wearing the garden centre uniform appeared.

You have to pull your trousers up immediately, she said, sharply. This is a garden centre for families. She gave them both a disgusted look.

Its all right, love, the man said. This mans a doctor. This is a medical problem. He pointed at his groin. Nothing dodgy going on, dont worry.

I dont care if he is the Sultan of Brunei; if you dont pull your trousers up now, Ill call security, she said.

The doctor quickly interjected, desperate to put an end to this scene. You can pull up your trousers, I think I know what the rash is.

The man pulled up his trousers. See, I told you: doctor, he said smugly to the staff member. She rolled her eyes and walked off. So what is it, doc?

Probably a fungal rash from sweating into your groin. You should be able to buy an antifungal cream from most pharmacies.

Cheers, doc, the man said, wheeling his trolley off.

The doctor couldnt stay in the garden centre a minute longer. He could still feel the eyes of the other shoppers on him. He dumped his empty trolley and made his way hastily to the car.

This was me, on a Sunday afternoon at the garden centre. Full groin rash just waving around in my face. I now go to a different place to buy my perennials.

This year will mark my fifteen-year anniversary of becoming a doctor and my ten-year anniversary of being a full-time GP, and when I say full-time I mean FULL-TIME. Being a doctor is one of those jobs where you simultaneously want to shout it from the rooftops but at the same time dont want anyone to know in case they tell you their entire medical history, usually in the middle of a dancefloor while doing the Gangnam Style routine.

I have been in one of those situations on a plane when the announcement for a doctor goes out and you pause in the hope there might be another medical practitioner aboard. There wasnt. A man had collapsed while coming out of the bathroom. I was asked whether the plane needed diverting to the nearest airport. The question came with pointed looks from nearby passengers. Luckily the man had only fainted but I had to carry out a full examination while he lay on the floor in the aisle. People kept stepping over the two of us to use the lavatory. I wasnt upgraded to business class for my efforts.

Being a GP is also one of those jobs that everybody knows but nobody finds sexy. People are constantly asking me why I didnt choose to specialise in something. Or, in the case of all my relatives, why I didnt want to become a cardiothoracic surgeon like my cousin, Arif. Everybody loves Arif. He had six marriage offers after he finished his surgical training. I only had one; I think it was a pity offer. My mum thought I should take it.

Im not expecting any more, she said.

Ill sort myself out, thanks, Mum, I told her.

I mean, I get it he can perform a heart transplant; thats sexy. But I am brilliant at testing a urine sample or feeling a prostate. There must be someone out there who finds that sexy. I keep trying to tell my family that I specialise in EVERYTHING. They dont buy it.