Jake Vander Ark - Put the Cat In the Oven Before You Describe the Kitchen

Put the Cat In the Oven Before You Describethe Kitchen

Jake Vander Ark

Copyright 2012 by Jake Vander Ark

Smashwords Edition

www.jakevanderark.com

This edition has twenty tips, but twenty moreare on the way! All new tips will be added to the Smashwordsedition free of charge. Future topics are listed below the table ofcontents.

PRAISE FOR THIS BOOK

Fourteen of these tips were posted for freeon Wattpad.com. In four months, they received 50,000 reads and over700 comments:

This is the perfect primer for learninghow to hold readers attention. It practices what it preaches anddoesnt waste any words. How many of us can claim that?

AndrewCrofts

Ive been looking for some good books onwriting, but they all seem to be very basic things like paragraphsand punctuation. This is pretty much exactly what I was lookingfor, and Ill definitely keep these tips in mind.

gempearl

You just saved my life throughwriting.

teohorere_williams

Thanks for this! You helped me so muchmore than my English teacher did.

xXxWinterxXx

Wow. These tips are so simple, yet I onlyknew the general idea of one or two of them! Great job, Illdefinitely use these!

Supernova888

I usually shun this kinda thing becausethey basically tell me what I think I already know, but youexplained it well and got right to the point.

EsmeTaylor

Youre a genius! Thank you so much forwriting this, it helped me so much!

Xenociea

Table of Contents

Screw Strunk and White! This chapter hasstraightforward advice for novice writers... without the bull.

If you understand the basics but readersstill arent turning the page, this chapter is for you.

For writers who know it all, but cant get itout.

Six words to captivate readers.

If writing is your hobby, skip thischapter.

Extremely Simple Tips

• POV For Beginners

• Theres No Shame In Simple Language

• The Overzealous Exclamation Point

Advanced Concepts

• Ground Your Story In Reality

• Let Your Characters Determine Your IncitingIncident

• Speak From Experience

• The Story Must Always Move Forward

• Release Your Inner Monologue

Developing Useful Habits

• Use a Notebook To Free Your Mind

• Psychology, Philosophy, Theology, History,Science, and More

What Readers Want

• Discovery

• Process

• Ramifications

• Darkness

Hard Truths For Wannabe Pros

• Analyze Your Passion, Ambition, and Skill

• How-To Books Are Merely a Stepping Stone

• When I said Screw Strunk and White, IDidnt Mean It

How I Work

• My Notecard System

• Screenplays

Introduction

There are hundreds of fantastic books aboutwriting for hopeful authors to choose from, but most of them areboring, complicated, and bogged down by filler. This little book isbrief, straightforward, and easy to understand.

I wont bore you with mundane grammar rulesor the crap you learn in English class, but I will offer concretesuggestions on how to improve your writing. I cant promise thatyoull be the next Stephen King, but I can guarantee that youll bea step above the people who dont implement these techniques.

If you have questions or suggestions forlater editions, please let me know at

Extremely Simple Tips

The Number One Rule: Show, Dont Tell

This is the greatest trick to get the readerinvolved in your story. If you can master this one technique,grammar, character development, and description will hardly evenmatter.

Yes, Ill say it again: This rule is moreimportant than grammar, character development, and description.

Consider this opening paragraph:

My name is Kennedy. Im fourteen. I live withmy mom. Oh, and by the way, I think Im turning into awerewolf!

This is a classic example of TELLING insteadof SHOWING. We dont get to experience Kennedys pain of being awerewolf... and heck, we dont have any reason to believe her!

So the million-dollar question is this: howdo we SHOW these things instead?

The first step is to open the scene in themoment. Start with action or dialogue that draws us into thestory and SHOWS us the important details in real time as if itshappening right now.

Consider this rewrite:

Im no expert on the human body, but Impretty sure fourteen-year-old girls arent supposed to grow fur ontheir kneecaps!

I slammed my bedroom door, plopped on my bed,and slipped my jeans to my ankles. Sure enough, the fur was back.What the heck! I thought and examined it closer. It was black thistime instead of grey.

Kennedy! Get your butt in thekitchen!

Mom had the worst timing. Just a minute,Ma! I yelled, then snatched a pair of scissors from my nightstand.Carefully, I snipped away at the patch of fuzz and prayed to Godthat it wasnt growing in a place that my mother could see.

Kennedy? The dishes arent going to cleanthemselves!

I gathered the clump of hair, ran to mydresser, and opened the top drawer. It was filled with fur from topto bottom. I dropped in the new clump, slammed the drawer, andbolted from my room.

This paragraph will engage readers AND hitthe important points. We know her name is Kennedy because her momcalls her to the kitchen. We know shes a werewolf because shescutting fur from her knee.

Try to find places in your own writing whereyou can show rather than tell. I promise, itll make all thedifference in the world!

Find Original Ideas in UnoriginalStories

The fact is, nobody will ever write anoriginal idea. Everything has been done before!

However, we can look for details about ourstories that can make them different from the rest. If yourewriting a vampire story, try changing the classic vampire rules.From what Im told, the Twilight vampires twinkle (orsomething). This detail is a new addition that Stephenie Meyercreated to distinguish her story from the all the other vampirefiction. And it works!

Heres a trick that works for me. Trycombining two big ideas into one. Do you have a vampire story thatneeds to be spiced up? Set it in a nursing home! Or maybe you needa vampire with an original struggle. What if he likes girls, butcan only live off the blood of other boys?

This tip is essential in the teen romancegenre. You will never write a unique story about teens falling inlove, but if you find little ways to make your story stand out, youcan go a long way in keeping the reader's attention!

When Describing People, Tell Us What Makes ThemDifferent

How many times have you read thissentence?

Dylan had blonde hair that hung just past hisblue eyes.

Dylan ALWAYS has blonde, brown, or blackhair, blue or piercing-green eyes, and a well-sculpted body. And sodoes everyone else! Not only is Dylan unoriginal, hes totallyforgettable. When Samantha is searching through a sea of young menfor Mr. Right, we need some distinctions!

Try mixing it up a little. Maybe Dylan has ascar on his right cheek; not big enough to be ugly, but just enoughto make him a badass. Maybe he has a tattoo of a humming bird onhis left bicep. Maybe his stylist slipped with the scissors and hishair is a bit lopsided (which, of course, doesnt take away fromthe speck of brown in his gorgeous green eyes!)

Want to go farther? Give your characters(gasp) imperfections. Give us a boy with chubby hands, or agirl with a gap in her front teeth.

For character-heavy stories, thesedistinctions arent just interesting, theyre vital to help yourreader remember whos who!

Watch Out For Backwards Sentences