Sheryl Recinos - Hindsight: Coming of Age on the Streets of Hollywood

Copyright 2018, 2019, 2020 Sheryl Recinos, MD

All rights reserved.

ISBN-13: 978-1-7328500-0-2 (softcover)

ISBN-13: 978-1-7328500-1-9 (e-book)

This memoir contains deeply personal stories that impacted my life and the lives of the people who I met along the way. The views expressed in my story are my own and this is my interpretation of the events as they happened to me. The majority of peoples names have been changed for their protection and privacy. Some situations and details were modified to conceal identities. The recollections in this book are limited to my memory, which may or may not have been compromised by alcohol in my seventeenth year. Thank you for allowing me to protect the privacy of people who mattered throughout my life.

The Jerry Springer show is property of Jerry Springer. Scenes depicted in the book are the best recollection of my memory from the taping, combined with comments from the publicly released episode. My personal commentary represents my mindset at seventeen years old.

The lyrics to Perfect are the property of Alanis Morrissette.

The quote from A Raisin in the Sun is the property of Lorraine Vivian Hansberry.

The quote from Mulan is the property of Disney.

Cover art: Roxana Recinos

Cover photo: Michelle Mansker

Cover model: Carmen Recinos

Editor: Kate Padilla

To Byron, Roxy, Isaac, & Carmen, thank you for every single moment of every day.

Byron, haha, I love you MORE (Its literally in a book, so I win!)!

For my children, thank you for showing me what it means to grow up normal and for being such amazing, goofy kids. Love you more than words.

reflections

on a life

that was almost lost

a life

that was saved

for some greater purpose

i can only hope

that all of the pain

all of the loss

the emptiness that once consumed me

will always remain

in small doses

as a reminder

of how far ive come

and how much farther

i have yet to travel

welcome

to the story

of how i became me

no apologies

no regrets

only gratitude

for second, third, and one thousandth chances

to live a life

that almost wasnt

Hindsight:

Coming of age on the streets of Hollywood

Sheryl Recinos, MD

FOREWORD

W hats she here for ? I asked the nurse as she placed a new chart in the rack. It was the only chart, and I needed to see one more patient before my lunch break. There were too many pages of paper notes on the top; this patient had obviously already been seen. Yet, she was back in the rack for new visits.

Shes a mess, the nurse told me. Came in as a rape victim but refused the forensics exam. Twice.

I reached for the chart and began studying the notes. Why?

Shes really out of it. Probably on drugs, but we cant get a tox screen until after the exam.

I nodded. Okay, Ill see her.

After reviewing the chart, I walked down the long corridor of the emergency room to the gurney where my new patient was waiting. She was lying on the bed, eyes closed. I studied her for a moment; my medical studies had taught me that almost half of the physical exam comes from observation. She was unkempt; her hair was messy and she had last nights makeup on a tearstained face. Her body was thin. She wore her street clothes underneath a white sheet; she was awaiting a rape kit and they would be taken into evidence when she was ready. Her feet were bare; dirt lined the bottoms of her feet. I scanned the room for shoes and saw an aged pair of stilettos. Her breathing was regular; I watched her chest rise and fall a few times to be sure of it.

Ms. Garcia, I began, hoping that she would awaken easily.

My patient groaned a quiet but clear, Go away.

Ms. Garcia, Im Dr. Recinos, I said, stepping closer to the bed. Can you open your eyes for a moment? I maintained a safe distance; everything was still evidence yet to be collected.

Heavy eyelids lifted upwards, just enough for a catlike slit of light to pass into her brown eyes. Leave me alone, she mumbled.

The forensics team needs to see you, I said. Are you okay with an exam?

Her head moved faintly. A tiny nod.

Alright. Ill have them take you back upstairs soon, I told her.

I walked back out to the nurses station, bewildered. When the nurse turned around, I asked her, What happened upstairs?

The nurse sighed heavily. She was too altered for an exam.

Interesting, I said. Okay, she seems like she might try again. Ill come back and chat with her after my lunch break. I gave the nurse my handset number and hurried back to the doctors cubicle, where I added the chart to my growing stack.

Be back in thirty, I told one of my coworkers before heading off to the break room upstairs.

As I sat down to eat, I heard a familiar code being announced overhead. Code Grey. The code that represented a combative patient. Code Greys were called almost as commonly as Code Blues at my hospital; Code Blues referred to a failing heart and the need for urgent CPR. The microwave beeped, and I reached for my lunch just as my handset rang.

Dr. Recinos, that patient is flipping out, the nurse said rapidly.

I pulled the ramen noodles out of the microwave as I spoke, What happened?

Well, I went to draw labs, and she scratched my arm and tried to punch me.

I sucked in a deep breath. Alright, Im on my way, I said, leaving my noodles abandoned on the table. I hurried down the single flight of stairs and across the hospital to the emergency room, where my patient was now awake and screaming. Even before I slid my badge to open the double doors back onto the unit, I could hear her terrified scream.

Get the fuck off me! she yelled. I rushed towards the gurney where Id left her just a short while ago. Now, she was awake, halfway between sitting and lying down, with her eyes still slit-like and her mouth spewing out profanities.

She had a seizure, and then she started fighting everyone. We need to restrain her, the nurse told me.

I shook my head. No. She was just raped. Of course she fought back, I said, moving closer, through a crowd of techs and nurses, past the security guard. Everyone out, I need to talk to my patient, I announced, and the numerous staff members trickled out of the room.

Once the room had emptied, I placed the rolling doctors chair close to her gurney and sat down. Im Dr. Recinos. I came to chat with you earlier, but you were sleepy.

Dont touch me! she screamed.

I wont, I told her. She turned to look at me, her eyes focusing on my face as they widened slightly. Her eyes were pretty, brown, and held unshed tears.

That bitch grabbed my arm, she said.

I nodded. I know. She was trying to help, but Im guessing you didnt want to be touched? I asked, my words intentionally soft spoken.

The girl moved into a seated position, her wild hair falling around her face in untamed curls. She shoved a thick strand behind her ear and studied me.

Where are you from? I asked.