Jerome Pohlen - Oddball Colorado: A Guide to Some Really Strange Places

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Pohlen, Jerome.

Oddball Colorado : a guide to some really strange places / Jerome Pohlen.1st ed.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and indexes.

ISBN 978-1-55652-460-8

1. ColoradoGuidebooks. 2. ColoradoHistory, LocalMiscellanea.

3. Curiosities and wondersColorado. I. Title.

F774.3.P64 2002

917.880434dc21

2002004122

Cover photo: Courtesy David D. B. Cooper; artist and model, Lyle Nichols.

The author has made every effort to secure permissions for all the material in this book. If any acknowledgment has inadvertently been omitted, please contact the author.

All photographs courtesy of Jerome Pohlen unless otherwise noted.

Cover and interior design: Mel Kupfer

Copyright 2002 by Jerome Pohlen

All rights reserved

First edition

Published by Chicago Review Press, Incorporated

814 North Franklin Street

Chicago, Illinois 60610

ISBN 978-1-55652-460-8

Printed in the United States of America

5 4 3

for my grandmother,
VIRGNIA MAE
GREEN STANDIFORD,
who was born
in eagle, colorado.

H eres a news flash: Colorado is stunning. The state has breathtaking scenery, quaint vacation hideaways, and enough outdoor activities to choke a dude ranch horse. But let me ask you, when it comes to the great outdoors, hasnt it been done or more accurately, overdone? After all, there isnt just one majestic 14,000-foot peak to conquer in Colorado, there are 54! Yet how many high-altitude alligator farms are there in the Centennial State? How many UFO watchtowers? How many 42-foot hot dogs, taxis with disco balls, and monuments to headless chickens? How many cryogenically frozen Norwegian grandpas are there stashed away in Tuff Sheds? The answers to all these Colorado questions are the same: one. These unique attractions are what Oddball Colorado is all about.

Now let me ask you something elseand be honestdo your friends and coworkers really want to hear another story about that weekend you spent riding your mountain bike around in the hills? Cmon, really? What if, on the other hand, you regaled them with tales of an adventure through a vapor cave clad in little more than a towel, a pilgrimage to the states best Rocky Mountain Oyster Bar, and a romantic evening at a drive-in movie in a queen-size bed!?! These vacation opportunities are all in Colorado. You can visit odd museums dedicated to singular subjects such as buttons, keys, coins, bells, and brothels. You can find statues of cartoon characters, dead burros, and two-headed dragons. You can watch daring cliff divers as you chow down on Mexican food, or sit on the worlds largest rocking chair, or bob along a lazy river past robotic mummies, but only if you will give those hiking boots a rest!

Dont get me wrong, Im all for appreciating nature, breathing that fresh but thin mountain air, and getting a little exercise. But there has to be some balance. Somewhere in Oregon theres a large stump-covered hillside where all the trees used to create all the paper used to print the hundreds of Colorado travel guides on hiking trails, skiing getaways, and mountain biking were cut down. Do you want a two-sentence guide on finding an interesting place to hike? Get in your car, drive one hour in any direction, get out, and start walking. Colorados gorgeous; youll have fun. There it isall the hiking advice youll ever need, and I just saved a forest for you to walk through.

Now do yourself a favor: forget tackling Longs Peak, skiing the back bowls, or rafting down the Arkansas River this weekend. Theyll still be there a month from now. Trust me. Youve worked up enough sweat on your days offwhy not take the time to laugh a little?

While Ive tried to give clear directions from major streets and landmarks, you could still make a wrong turn. Bigfoot might be out there, so its not time to panic. Remember these Oddball travel tips:

Stop and ask! For a lot of communities, their Oddball attraction might be their only claim to fame. Locals are often thrilled that youd drive out of your way to marvel at their underappreciated shrine. But choose your guides wisely: old cranks at the town cafe are good for information; pimply teenage clerks at the 7-Eleven are not.

Call ahead. Few Oddball sites keep regular hours, but most will gladly wait around if they know youre coming. Some Colorado sites are seasonal; consequently, they can be closed for the winter at a moments notice, particularly if theres an avalanche. Always call.

Dont give up. Think of the woman whos sitting in a tiny museum dedicated to an obscure topic. She passed up a buyout offer from Starbucks because she cares about what shes doing. She didnt give up, and neither should you.

Dont trespass! Dont become a Terrible Tourist. Just because somebody built a sculpture garden in their front yard doesnt mean theyre looking for visitors. Ask permission or stay on the road.

Respect Colorado laws. No matter how frustrated you may become, watch your language around your picnic basket or coolerit is illegal in this state to insult fruits, vegetables, or dairy products.

Do you have an Oddball site of your own? Have I missed anything? Do you know of an Oddball site that should be included in a later version? Please write and let me know: Chicago Review Press, 814 North Franklin Street, Chicago, Illinois 60610.

W hat do you think of when you think of Denver? The Broncos? Skiing? The Orange Crush? The mountains? John Elway? Geez, you gotta break up the routine.

How about Mexican cliff divers? Art deco amusement parks? Robotic mummies? Defiled graveyards? Button museums? Tiny towns with tiny railroads? Yep, theyre all here, too, though theyre not often front-and-center in most travel publications and isnt that a shame?

This chapters collection of local sites delves into the weirder side of the Queen City of the Plains. Where did Buffalo Bill draw his last breath? Where did the cheeseburger draw its first breath? Where is there a religious shrine where its difficult to draw any breath? While in search of answers to these questions, youll have your tie cut off by a cowbell-clanging waitress, hear the true story behind the Old Wests cowboys, and find out how many government workers it takes to change a lightbulb.

Denver

B-1 Bomber

From the beginning, the B-1 bomber was a political hot potato. This supersonic, super-expensive bomber was killed by President Carter in 1977 as too costly for the nations strategic defense, not to mention unnecessary. Ronald Reagan disagreed, and it was one of the many issues he used to defeat Carter in 1980.

Only four B-1s had been built before the plug was pulled. Those craft were dubbed B-1As when Reagan resurrected development on what became known as the B-1B. The second of the original B-1A prototypes is part of the Wings Over the Rockies collection.