Jerome Pohlen - Oddball Minnesota: A Guide to Some Really Strange Places

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Pohlen, Jerome.

Oddball Minnesota : a guide to some really strange places /Jerome Pohlen.1st ed.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references () and indexes.

ISBN 1-55652-478-1

1. MinnesotaGuidebooks. 2. MinnesotaHistory, LocalMiscellanea. 3. Curiosities and wondersMinnesota. I. Title

F604.3 .P64 2003

917.760454dc21

2002015974

Cover photo: Big Ole stands guard outside the Kensington Runestone Museum in Alexandria; photo by Jerome Pohlen.

The author has made every effort to secure permissions for all the material in this book. If any acknowledgment has inadvertently been omitted, please contact the author.

All photographs courtesy of Jerome Pohlen unless otherwise noted.

Cover and interior design: Mel Kupfer

2003 by Jerome Pohlen

All rights reserved

First edition

Published by Chicago Review Press, Incorporated

814 North Franklin Street

Chicago, Illinois 60610

ISBN 978-1-55652-478-3

Printed in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5

for my grandparents,

Joseph and Frances Pohlen,

from that great state to the south.

I ve never fully understood Minnesotas state slogan: Land of 10,000 Lakes. OK, sure, the lakes are beautifulno, breathtakingbut whats this obsession with numbers? Dont you lose track after the first hundred or so? Why not Land of 382 Million Trees or Land of 947 Billion Wild-flowers? At some point the law of diminishing returns has to kick in. It is an arithmetic fact that the more items you have in a group, the less unique each item in that group is. Arizona: Land of 1 Lake. Now thats a slogan!

What ifand this is just a suggestionMinnesota touted one of its many one-of-a-kind features? Land of the Worlds Largest Prairie Chicken. Birthplace of Spam. Home of the Worlds Oldest Rock. Do you see the difference? If so, this guide is for you.

Oddball Minnesota wont waste your time telling you about attractions you can find by simply walking a mile in any direction. No lakes, no bike trails, no quaint cafs. But where did Tiny Tim strum his last notes on the ukulele? Why are two grasshoppers bowing down to the Virgin Mary in a Cold Spring chapel? Is that mummy in the McLeod County Museum from Peru or outer space?!!?! These are the types of questions youll have answered as you search for the strange on Minnesotas backroads.

Oh, I know it sounds crazy. But while all your friends and coworkers are spending their vacations fighting off mosquitoes in the Boundary Waters, youll be sizing up the Worlds Largest Ear of Corn. While they stare for hours at holes in frozen lakes, youll be admiring the fourth Zamboni ever built. Whos crazy now?

Well, you still are. But dont let that stop you. Put that canoe in dry dock. Hang the bike and the fishing pole in the garage. Fill up the tank and grab your atlasthe weirdness awaits!

And one last thing; there arent 10,000 lakes in Minnesota, there are 14,215. Thats 14,214 more lakes than there are six-story statues of the Jolly Green Giant. Do you need any other reason to hit the road?

While Ive tried to give clear directions from major streets and landmarks, you could still make a wrong turn. Winter comes early in these partsAugust, I thinkso its not a good idea to be lost for too long. Here are a few tips for getting out of a jam and making the most of your Oddball road trip:

• Stop and ask! For a lot of communities, their Oddball attractions might be their only claim to fame. Locals are often thrilled that youd drive out of your way to marvel at their gigantic fiberglass creature, especially during the dead of winter. But choose your guides wisely. Old farmers at the grain elevator are a good source of information; pimply teenage clerks at Caseys General Store are not.
• Call ahead. Few Oddball sites keep regular hours, but most will gladly wait around if they know youre coming. Dont forget that as soon as the lakes freeze over, the folks who run these strange attractions are out snowmobiling, ice fishing, or digging out of snowdrifts. Always call.
• Recheck your compass. Many towns in Minnesota, for reasons that might seem practical but end up being infuriating, repeat their numbered street names. In a town that consists of only 25 blocks, it is not uncommon to find two First Streets and two First Avenues. East-west running First Streets are distinguished from one another by being named First Street N and First Street S, both one block from Main Street. In other words, youll find four very similar street addresses: 101 E. First Street N, 101 W. First Street N, 101 E. First Street S, and 101 W. First Street S. Add into the equation north-south running avenues, east and west of, say, Center Street101 N. First Avenue E, 101 S. First Avenue E, 101 N. First Avenue W, and 101 S. First Avenue Wwell, you get the picture. Start banging your head on the dashboard now.
• Dont give up. It is no small feat to raise $12,000 for a 21-foot-long floating loon to put on the towns lake, to say nothing of maintaining it so it doesnt sink. These communities never gave up, and neither should you.
• Dont trespass! Dont become a Terrible Tourist. Dont climb on the statues. Dont trespass on private land. When in doubt, ask permission, or stay on the road.

Do you have an Oddball site of your own? Have I missed anything? Do you know of a location that should be included in a later edition? Please write and let me know: Chicago Review Press, 814 N. Franklin Street, Chicago, IL 60610.

S o where should you start your quest for Minnesotas oddballs? Perhaps at Minnesotas Northwest Angle on the Lake of the Woods. Jutting up above the 49th Parallel, this geographic anomaly is the northernmost point of the continental United States. Unfortunately, it is accessible only through Canada; it might as well be in a foreign country. (Maybe thats why its few residents have threatened to secede from the union.)

Still, the northwestern part of the state has plenty of easily accessed weirdness, most of it enormous and hard to miss. This comes in handy if youre not good with maps. The region also has the states highest concentration of Paul Bunyanaliared-flanneled statues, oversized artifacts, jilted sweethearts, abandoned logging tools, and toenail clippings. You can even find Bunyans grave up here.

But thats not all thats strange and out of proportion. There must be growth hormones in the water; youll also find mammoth mallards and otters and prairie chickens and crows and grasshoppers and pelicans and cootsyou start to wonder whether this stuff is truly big, or whether youve just shrunk!

Hop on up!

Akeley

Paul Bunyan Town

Bangor, Maine, claims to be the birthplace of Paul Bunyan, but it hardly has as valid a claim as Akeley, Minnesota. You see, Paul wasnt so much born as he was conceivedand not as long ago as you might think. The big guy was mostly the invention of William B. Laughead, a PR hack for the Red River Lumber Company, which had its largest sawmill in Akeley. Starting in 1914thats right, Paul Bunyan is younger than the airplane Laughead churned out pulp novels of the heros exploits for American schoolchildren. Kids adored the oversized, fun-lovin lumberjack chopping through our nations forests. Never mind that in reality the woods were being laid to waste by a vast timber conglomerate. Laughead also invented Babe the Blue Ox, Big Ole, Johnny Inkslinger, and Pauls dog Sport.