Steve Delsohn - The Fire Inside: Firefighters Talk About Their Lives

To my mother, Eilene Delsohn

Growing up in Chicago, I didnt give much thought to firefighters. I looked up to pro athletes, especially football players. My heroes were Dick Butkus and Gale Sayers.

It wasnt until late October of 1993, when firestorms erupted throughout Southern California, that my curiosity about firefighters grew. By then my wife and I had moved to Thousand Oaks, about midway between downtown Los Angeles and Santa Barbara. Just two miles from our house, one of the biggest wildfires was on a wind-whipped rampage. Burning thirty-nine thousand acres and damaging thirty-eight homes, the fire started just off the Ventura Freeway, crossed the Santa Monica Mountains, and raced all the way to the ocean.

A few nights we drove around and watched fires burn in the hills. Mostly we watched the endless TV coverage. As fourteen major blazes spread during one catastrophic week, we could not quite turn away from the powerful images. Residents fleeing; their dreams, mementos, and homes incinerated. Orange walls of flame up to three hundred feet high, and the firefighters rushing in to attack them. They attacked again and again, risking their lives. It was touching and impressive, almost amazing, how brutally hard and bravely they worked.

Thats when I started thinking about this book. I wanted to answer some questions if I could.

Why are firefighters willing to do such a dangerous job? Are they adrenaline junkies, chasing the rush? Or do they embody more wholesome traits, like fortitude, selflessness, and commitment? How high do they feel when they save a persons life? How traumatic is it when missions fail, and they cannot save someone? What about that mysterious virtue, courage? When seemingly routine fires turn suddenly lethal, they are lost in smoke-filled rooms, and fear arises, where do they get the nerve to keep on fighting?

Most but not all of these questions were answered directly. Firefighters, for instance, dont talk about bravery much. It isnt their style or part of their lexicon. So they recall events with passion and candor, but unaccompanied by self-promotion. After all, they invariably say, We were just doing our jobs.

True. But firefighting is an inherently risky profession. In 1994 in the United States, 95,400 firefighters were injured while working. Another 104 firefighters died in the line of duty. That is not to mention occupational illnessthe heart and lung diseases, the various cancers they get from inhaling toxic smoke.

When the enemy is fire, even small mistakes can be deadly. Or at least they might sound small to you and me.

Inside a burning building, just standing straight up can kill you. Thats because heat and smoke rise up to the ceiling, where temperatures can soar to thirteen hundred degrees. So from almost their first day at training school, new firefighters are told to stay low, where they can find cooler air down near the floor.

In interviewing 108 firefightersincluding paid and volunteer; urban, suburban, and rural; structural and wildlandI asked for their gut feelings and unvarnished insights. To help ensure that Id get them, I didnt use any names. A few firefighters said, Well, Ill tell you the same things I would if my name was attached. But a lot more firefighters felt it was the best approach. Like most people with interesting jobs, they wanted to relax and tell what its really like. They just didnt want repercussions from fire bosses.

Their veracity never seemed to become an issue. Trusting my own instincts, I never felt I heard anything but the truth. It might be because of the firefighters I spoke to. I avoided what they call slackers and loads. I concentrated instead on proven firefighters, respected by both their officers and peers. When you and your co-workers know your abilities, there is no need to exaggerate.

Some memories were painful and still fresh. Several were tinged with guilt. I was surprised at the firefighters frank self-appraisals, even when telling stories with tragic endings. Almost every firefighter seemed haunted, if not by an unforgettable self-doubt, then by something horrible they had witnessed. A few of them got choked up while reminiscing. Each time it involved a childs death, or the death of a colleague. These are the two lowest moments they say they ever face.

To track down my pool of 108 firefighters, I sometimes went through fire department channels, asking to interview their most decorated people. I got names and story ideas from Firehouse magazine, the one publication found in almost all fire stations. I relied on personal contacts. My brothers close friend is a veteran firefighter and a captain. My brother-in-laws younger brother got hired four years ago. A firefighter at my gym spoke to me for five hours. I met one female firefighter outside a movie theater. Most of all, firefighters referred me to their friends. A Boston firefighter had buddies in New York. The New York guys, of course, had buddies everywhere. As a nonmember of the club, this was exactly what Id been hoping for.

Although I interviewed some chiefs and assistant chiefs who came up through the ranks, I mostly spoke with those on the front lines todayfirefighters, lieutenants, captains. We talked in empty rooms at their fire stations, in their tidy kitchens at home, while driving in their cars to pick up their kids at school. We spoke in restaurants over bottomless cups of coffee. With their twenty-four-hour shifts and carbon monoxide headaches from eating smoke, firefighters devour a lot of coffee.

When my research began for this book, I had a few vague notions of firefighters. I figured they were type As. I figured they were tenacious, especially the women, who have to deal with fire and also with the men. I figured their main motivation wasnt the money. But I had no realistic view of their daily existence, why they wanted this stressful job in the first place, and what psychic and emotional costs that job exacted.

Theres still many things I dont know about this complex occupation, but even for firefighters the learning never stops. Our society is increasingly high-tech, relentlessly high-tech. As new flammable synthetics proliferate, firefighters must be part physicist and part chemist. On emergency medical calls or prolonged extricationswhen people are not just injured but often panickedfirefighters are both doctor and shrink. The modern job is vast and ever-changing. Gone are the days, if they ever existed, when the only requirements were strength and grit.

What I do know about firefighters is that I like them. I admire them. It isnt only a matter of what they accomplish. Firefighters are easy to be around. They have a sense of humor, a spirit of citizenship. And firefighters dont quit. Even in dark circumstances, they keep pushing and trying. This is a form of nobility in itself.

Firefighters are flawed like everyone else, and theyll be the first to say so. But dont let their humility fool you. Their courage is epic. These everyday people are heroes.