Ben H. Winters - Android Karenina (Quirk Classic)

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

Jane Austen isnt for everyone. Neither are zombies. But combine
the two and the only question is, why didnt anyone think of this
before? The judicious addition of flesh-eating undead to this otherwise
faithful reworking is just what Austens gem needed.Wired

Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters
by Jane Austen and Ben H. Winters

Quirk commissioned Ben H. Winters to punch up Jane
Austens Sense and Sensibility with man-eating beasts from
the briny deep. And once again, to the consternation of purists
everywhere, the result is sheer delight.Onion A. V. Club

Its a monsterpiece.Real Simple

The effect is strangely entertaining, like a Weird Al version
of an opera aria, and Eugene Smiths amusing illustrations
add an extra touch of bizarre hilarity.Library Journal

A very funny idea, and theres a pleasure in watching
someone be so silly with the kind of book generally
treated as sacrosanct.Philadelphia Inquirer

Bring on the kraken lit, man!io9.com

Now thats my kind of love story! Bloody, gory, awkward,
and oddkind of like it is in real life.TheFrisky.com

BY LEO TOLSTOY & BEN H. WINTERS

ILLUSTRATIONS BY EUGENE SMITH

TRANSLATED BY CONSTANCE GARNETT & THE II/ENGLISHRENDERER/94

Russian names consist of three parts: the given name, the patronymic (derived from the fathers first name), and the family name. Often, individuals also go by a nickname. Hence the first character introduced is Stepan Arkadyich OblonskyStepan is his given name, Arkadyich the patronymic, and Oblonsky the family name. But the man is often called Stiva, his nickname.

Class I and II robots also use a three-part nomenclature: a Roman numeral for class type, a function-designation, and an indication of model. Hence the I/Samovar/1(8) is a Class I device, designed to steep and serve tea, model number 1(8).

Class III robots are universally known by the nickname bestowed by their master or mistress.

Stepan Arkadyich Oblonsky (Stiva), a Moscow gentleman and Small Stiva, Stivas Class III

Darya Alexandrovna Oblonskaya (Dolly), Oblonskys wife and Dolichka, Dollys Class III

Anna Arkadyevna Karenina, Oblonskys sister and Android Karenina, Annas Class III

Alexei Alexandrovich Karenin, Annas husband

Sergey Alexeich Karenin (Seryozha), the Karenins young son

Konstantin Dmitrich Levin, Oblonskys old friend and Socrates, Levins Class III

Nikolai Dmitrich Levin, Levins brother and Karnak, Nikolais Class III

Ekaterina Alexandrovna Shcherbatskaya (Kitty), Dollys sister and Tatiana, Kittys Class III

Prince Alexander Dmitrievich Shcherbatsky, Kitty and Dollys father

The Princess Shcherbatskaya, Kitty and Dollys mother and La Scherbatskaya, the Princesss Class III

Count Alexei Kirillovich Vronsky, a war hero and Lupo, Vronskys Class III

Countess Vronsky, Vronskys mother and Tunisia, the Countesss Class III

Elizaveta Fyodorovna Tverskaya (Betsy), Vronskys cousin and a friend of Anna

and Darling Girl, Betsys Class III

Marya Nikolaevna, Nikolai Levins companion

Madame Stahl, a society woman and prominent xenotheologist

Varenka, a poor girl attached to Madame Stahl

Yashvin, Count Vronskys friend and fellow officer

Vassenka Veslovsky, a gentleman of society

VENGEANCE IS MINE;
I SHALL REPAY.

FUNCTIONING ROBOTS are all alike; every malfunctioning robot malfunctions in its own way.

Everything was in confusion in the Oblonskys house. The wife had discovered that the husband was carrying on an intrigue with the French girl who had been a mcanicienne in their family, charged with the maintenance of the households Class I and II robots. Stunned and horrified by such a discovery, the wife had announced to her husband that she could not go on living in the same house with him. This position of affairs had now lasted three days, and not only the husband and wife themselves, but all the robots in the household were terribly affected by it. The Class IIIs were keenly aware of their respective masters discomfort, and the Class IIs sensed in their rudimentary fashion that there was no logic in their being agglomerated together, and that any stray decoms, junkering in a shed at the Vladivostok R. P. F., had more in common with one another than they, the servomechanisms in the household of the Oblonskys.

The wife did not leave her own room; the husband had not been at home for three days. The II/Governess/D145, its instruction circuits pitifully mistuned, for three days taught the Oblonsky children in Armenian instead of French. The usually reliable II/Footman/C(c)43 loudly announced nonexistent visitors at all hours of the day and night. The children ran wild all over the house. A II/Coachman/47-T drove a sledge directly through the heavy wood of the front doors, destroying a I/Hourprotector/14 that had been a prized possession of Oblonskys father.

Three days after the quarrel, Prince Stepan Arkadyich OblonskyStiva, as he was called in the fashionable worldwoke at eight oclock in the morning, not in his wifes bedroom, but within the oxygen-tempered Class I comfort unit in his study. He woke as usual to the clangorous thumpthumpthump of booted robot feet crushing through the snow, as a regiment of 77s tromped in lockstep along the avenues outside.

Our tireless protectors, he thought pleasantly, and uttered a blessing over the Ministry as he turned over his stout, well-cared-for person, as though to sink into a long sleep again. He vigorously embraced the pillow on the other side and buried his face in it; but all at once he jumped up, banging his rotund forehead against the glass ceiling of the I/Comfort/6, and opened his eyes.

He suddenly remembered that he was not sleeping in his wifes room, but in his study, and why: the smile vanished from his face, he knitted his brows.

Small Stiva, Stepan Arkadyichs Class III companion robot, clomped happily into the room on his short piston-actuated legs, carrying his masters boots and a telegram. Stiva, as yet unprepared to undertake the days obligations, bid his Class III come a bit closer, and then swiftly pressed three buttons below the rectangular screen centered in Small Stivas midsection. He sat back glumly in the I/Comfort/6, while every detail of his quarrel with his wife was displayed on Small Suvas monitor, illuminating the hopelessness of Suvas position and, worst of all, his own fault.

Yes, she wont forgive me, and she cant forgive me, Stepan Arkadyich moaned when the Memory ended. Small Stiva made a consoling chirp and piped,