Cheri Gillard - Babies by the Litter

Babies by theLitter

Going from nothing toeverything in less than sixty seconds

A memoir of infertility toquadruplets

with love, loss, and laughter along theway by

CHERI GILLARD

Copyright 2018 CheriGillard

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Published by Cheri Gillard Publishingin the United States, www.cherigillard.com

Cheri Gillard, 1962

Babies by the Litter: going fromnothing to everything in less than sixty seconds | CheriGillardEbook edition.

Keywords: Personal Memoir | Infertilityand Miscarriage | Pregnancy and Bed rest | Quadruplets and Highermultiples | Dating and Marriage | Parenting

ISBN: 9780463956076

Cover design by SpencerGillard

In grateful appreciation to Cyndi,our NeeNee.

And

for all my children.

Now you have the whole story of usbefore you, and how you came to be ours.

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

NOTES ONPARENTING

Parentinga remarkable journey. I thinkI survived it. Though to think Im finished would be shortsighted.Parenting never really ends, especially when your kids move backhome when things dont go as hoped with their plans. Im justparenting differently from when they depended on me to have juiceboxes at the park or put the head back on their toy that just felloff again. Part of parenting at this later stage is figuring outwhen its best to keep my mouth shut or finding extra cash somehowto help with their unexpected expenses. Part of it is trusting myoffspring to choose well and to release them to carry the burden ofworry for me. Its different, but the role is still there. I cantrelinquish all concern, even if theyre under their own roofs,doing their own things, with me left out of the loop. I must findthe balance. Its so different from the days when I called all theshots, like planning what socks theyd wear and when theyd use thetoilet.

Back when they were little,life was hectic and hard. But now looking back, I know it was good.I wish I could go back and cuddle my little babies. Now thattheyre grown, its easy for me to yearn for the early days, thosedifficult days when I couldnt wait for them to reach milestones sowe could move on to something new. Each stage was so taxing, I justwanted relief. I didnt really knownot really how precious that time was.How fleeting. Of course, we always hear older, wiser people say howfast life goes, how we need to appreciate what we have when we haveit, that youth is wasted on the young and all that. But how inthe world can a mom who hasnt slept much in monthsor yearsevenwho doesnt know how she is going to get through another dayof kids taking every ounce of energy, self-control, and nurturingthat she can muster, how can she sit and relish the moment and knowits precious when two of the kids are fighting again, another hasa fever and just vomited all over her feet, and anothers diaperjust blew a leak and messed her one pair of jeans that still fits?Life as a mom is tough. Who can relish ituntil its all behindher?

Maybe the answer is in howwe face each day. God was onto something when he penned, Dontworry about tomorrow; today is bad enough. It goes something likethat, anyway. It means take one day at a time. When you live thatway, you dont think about how fleeting the time is mothering yourlittle ones. Youre in the moment, even if youre just trying tosurvive. And maybe being in the moment is the best way, even if youre sooverwhelmed, you cant possibly treasure the experience. That isunless theyve just fallen asleep and you can breathe deeply forone minute. Amazing how sweet they look when theyre unconscious.But there is little time to linger. You have to move the wetclothes you forgot from the washer into the dryer and hope thedryer sheet is strong enough to cover the spoiled smell. Afterthat, the kitchen and every crusted dish is calling your name.Those scarce seconds to treasure when they sleep are as fleeting astheir dropped ice cream cone on a July sidewalk.

When my kids were toddlers, strangerswould ask things that focused on future worriestrying to behelpful, no doubt.

What are you going to dowhen they all start to drive? theyd ask.

Id smilethat smile I perfected forall those nice people who knew so much more than meand explainthat Id prefer to spend today worrying about whether or not wedfind a public bathroom for my potty-users-in-training before theywet their Pull-Ups. Id worry about driving when we gotthere.

Learning to drive seemed so far awayat the time. Today it is indeed far away, but on the other side ofNow. When they were toddlers, I couldnt imagine my little darlingsbehind the wheels of vehiclesbesides their ride-in fire truck thatwore two parallel dirt ruts around the backyard lawn. I was toodeeply immersed in the day-to-day activities that swamped me then.I was completely dedicated to the task of getting my childrennurtured and prepared for launch one day, and doing that kept mymind from being able to comprehend ten or fifteen years into thefuture.

Raising children wascertainly nothing like Id ever thought it would be. But thenagain, Im not sure how I thought it would be. Growing up and moving intoyoung adulthood, I guess I assumed like so many girls that I wouldone day be a mom. It never crossed my mind to consider the involveddifficulties, challenges, sacrifices, obstacles,disappointmentsthe list goes on and on of what I failed toconsider. I focused on the idealthe pretty picture of abeautifully composed postpartum mother sitting in a cozy rocker,cradling her contented newborn, a starry night outside the cleanwindow, with peace and tranquility pervading the home. Back then Ididnt know mothers didnt have clean windows.

There were times in my naivet when Iwanted five or six kids (what was I thinking?) and times when Iwanted none (what was I thinking?), but I figured one day myhusband and I would determine when we would have children, how manyof them, and then we would proceed to accomplish ourplan.

My, my. Such silly assumptions getblown away by reality, dont they? And then stick a child or twointo the equation. We grownups are unrealistic enough to believe weare in control until one of those little peopleor even attempts tomake thementer our lives. Ive heard women say things like, Well,weve decided after weve been married three years, well start ourfamily. Well have three kids, and I want at least two girls, and Iwant them to be no more than two years apartso good for playmates,you knowand well live happily ever after.

Reality check. Anybody whomakes plans so specific, and then actually fulfills them, isnothing but plain lucky. These fortunate people get pregnant theirfirst tries, have picture-perfect pregnancies, easy deliveries,and get babies who wouldnt think of waking in the middle of thenight. You know the type. When it happens to people who planned it,unfortunately, it reinforces the fallacy that they actually did itthemselves, that they are making it happen.

Ha! It wont take long though, oncethose little bundles of joy hit the scene, to learn it was anillusion. Parents have never been in control. People who thinktheyre running the show are delusional. Poor dears. They arevictims, really. Statistically, someones got to have quicksuccessand the lot happens to fall to those poor suckers. Putsthem at a disadvantage from the start, making them think theyvegot power, they hold the key, they call the shots. A difficult wayto start parenting. Its better to go in with your eyes opencausetheyre probably going to stay that way for many nights tocome.