Marc Cherry - ABCs Desperate Housewives: Pilot Episode Script

Contents Ten years ago, I was an unemployed sitcom writer borrowing money from my mother to stay afloat. After twelve years in show business, it looked as though my career was over. The phone had stopped ringing and producers routinely told my agent that they werent interested in even meeting with me. I was as cold as cold could be. So one day I took a look at my old material and I realized why folks in Hollywood werent excited about working with me. Not one of the scripts that I had written was particularly memorable.

There were amusing ideas and some clever dialogue, but I didnt have that drop-dead script that every writer needs to promote themselves. Thats when I challenged myself to write the best damn script of my career. I wanted to show the town (and myself) that I was capable of more than people were giving me credit for. The pilot of Desperate Housewives is what I came up with. Im proud of how well written this script is. Im proud that I got the show made, and Im especially proud that I paid my mom back all the money I borrowed from her.

Marc Cherry November, 2011 FADE IN: 1 EXT. SUBURB - DAY 1 An establishing shot of a picturesque suburb. 2 EXT. WISTERIA LANE - DAY 2 Were DRIVING down a tree-lined suburban street. We finally stop at a well-kept UPPER MIDDLE-CLASS house complete with white picket fence. MARY ALICE (V.O.) My name is Mary Alice Young.

When you read this mornings paper, you may come across an article about the unusual day I had last week. CLOSE-UP - MARY ALICE YOUNG The camera pulls back to reveal an ATTRACTIVE WOMAN IN HER EARLY 30S wearing gardening gloves, emerging from the house. She crosses to the flower bed and begins pruning. MARY ALICE (V.O.) (CONTD) Normally, theres never anything newsworthy about my life. But that all changed last Thursday. 3 INT.

YOUNG HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY 3 Mary Alices HUSBAND AND SON are seated at a table. She is busy serving them BREAKFAST. MARY ALICE (V.O.) Of course everything seemed quite normal at first. I made breakfast for my family. 4 INT. YOUNG HOUSE - LAUNDRY ROOM - DAY 4 Mary Alice puts some clothes into the WASHING MACHINE.

MARY ALICE (V.O.) I performed my chores. A5 EXT. YOUNG HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - DAY A5 Mary Alice paints some LAWN FURNITURE. MARY ALICE (V.O.) I completed my projects. 5 INT/EXT. DRY CLEANERS - DAY 5 Mary Alice emerges from a dry cleaners with some CLOTHING encased in PLASTIC.

MARY ALICE (V.O.) I ran my errands. 6 OMITTED 6 7 EXT. YOUNG HOUSE - FRONT YARD - DAY 7 Mary Alice walks to the mailbox and retrieves some LETTERS. MARY ALICE (V.O.) In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day. 8 INT. YOUNG HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 8 Mary Alice ADJUSTS bric-a-brac around the room.

MARY ALICE (V.O.) Quietly polishing the routine of my life until it gleamed with perfection. Mary Alice surveys the IMMACULATE room. 9 OMITTED 9 10 INT. YOUNG HOUSE - HALLWAY CLOSET - DAY 10 Mary Alice pulls a shoe box off the top shelf. She carefully removes the lid and reaches inside. 11 INT. 11 INT.

YOUNG HOUSE - LIVING ROOM 11 Mary Alice stands in the middle of the IMMACULATE kitchen holding a gun. She SLOWLY brings the gun to her forehead. MARY ALICE (V.O.) ... and retrieve a revolver that had never been used. CLOSE on A GUN FIRING. MARY ALICE falls to the floor.

We see what appears to be BLOOD splattering on some tile. As a womans HAND begins to wipe it away... 12 INT. HUBER HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS 12 ... we PULL BACK to reveal its the hand of MARTHA HUBER, a plump woman in her late 40s, who has just spilled some TOMATO SAUCE onto her kitchen counter. She wipes it up when she suddenly HEARS something from outside.

MARY ALICE (V.O.) My body was discovered by my neighbor, Mrs. Martha Huber, who had been startled by a strange popping sound. Mrs. Huber opens her cupboard and reaches for a BLENDER that has a piece of TAPE on the side. MARY ALICE (V.O.) (CONTD) Her curiosity aroused, Mrs. Huber tried to think of a reason for dropping in on me unannounced.

CLOSE ON TAPE: PROPERTY OF MARY ALICE YOUNG. 13-14 OMITTED 13-14 15 EXT. HUBER HOUSE - FRONT YARD - DAY 15 Mrs. Huber exits her front door, CARRYING THE BLENDER, and crosses to Mary Alices front door. MARY ALICE (V.O.) After some initial hesitation, she decided to return the blender she had borrowed from me six months before. She KNOCKS.

She waits for a response. Nothing. She goes to the side of the house and peers in the window. She suddenly sees Mary Alices lifeless BODY. She SCREAMS. 16 INT.

HUBER HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS 16 Mrs. Huber speaks frantically on the PHONE. MRS. HUBER Its my neighbor -- I think shes been shot! Theres blood everywhere. Yes! Youve got to send an ambulance. Youve got to send one right now! Mrs.

Huber HANGS up the phone. She stands for a beat, TEARY-EYED. MARY ALICE (V.O.) And for a moment, Mrs. Huber stood motionless in her kitchen, grief stricken by this senseless tragedy. But only for a moment. If there was one thing Mrs.

Huber was known for, it was her ability to look on the bright side. MARTHA reaches down to the blender and RIPS off the tape that reads PROPERTY OF MARY ALICE YOUNG. She then puts the BLENDER back into her PANTRY. FADE OUT. END OF TEASER FADE IN: 17 EXT. YOUNG HOUSE - FRONT YARD - DAY 17 A SUNNY afternoon.

Various people are walking up to the house, dressed in BLACK and carrying COVERED DISHES. MARY ALICE (V.O.) I was laid to rest on a Monday. After the funeral, all the residents of Wisteria Lane came to pay their respects. And, as people do in these situations, they brought food. 18 EXT. YOUNG HOUSE - SIDEWALK - DAY 18 CLOSE ON LYNETTE SCAVO.

We PULL BACK to reveal a worn-down LYNETTE, late 30s, carrying a large PLATTER OF CHICKEN. MARY ALICE (V.O.) Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken. Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken. 19 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY (FLASHBACK) 19 An intense, yet CAPABLE-LOOKING Lynette is taking board members through a power-point presentation. MARY ALICE (V.O.) Of course, she didnt cook much while she was moving up the corporate ladder.

She didnt have the time. 20 INT. DOCTORS OFFICE - DAY (FLASHBACK) 20 Lynette and her husband, TOM, are staring in SURPRISE as a doctor points to images on an ULTRA-SOUND machine. MARY ALICE (V.O.) But when her doctor announced Lynette was pregnant, her husband, Tom, had an idea. CLOSE ON LYNETTES HUSBAND MOUTHING THE FOLLOWING WORDS: MARY ALICE (V.O.) (CONTD) Why not quit your job? Kids do better with stay-at-home moms. It would be so much less stressful.

LYNETTE considers this for a moment, then nods in agreement. LYNETTE But this was not the case. In fact... END OF FLASHBACK 21 EXT. YOUNG HOUSE - FRONT YARD - CONTINUOUS 21 The worn-down Lynette carries her PLATTER of chicken. MARY ALICE (V.O.) ...

Lynettes life had become so hectic she was now forced to get her fried chicken from a fast food restaurant. We PULL BACK even farther to reveal she also pushes a stroller with PENNY, 9 months. PRESTON and PORTER, both 6, and PARKER, 5, walk on the sidewalk in front of her. Lynettes TWINS start ELBOWING each other. Lynette looks at them WEARILY. MARY ALICE (V.O.) (CONTD) Lynette would have appreciated the irony if she stopped to think about it.

But she couldnt. She didnt have the time. One of the boys pushes another, sending him into the third. All three boys start BRAWLING. She pushes the stroller aside and then rushes to SEPARATE her FIGHTING children. LYNETTE Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! PRESTON But Mom...! LYNETTE No! You are going to behave today! I am not gonna be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood.

And just so you know how serious I am... Lynette reaches into her pocket and pulls out a SLIP OF PAPER. She holds it up in front of the boys. PRESTON Whats that? LYNETTE Santas cell phone number. PORTER Howd you get that? LYNETTE I know someone who knows someone who knows an elf. And if any of you acts up, so help me I will call Santa and I will tell him you want socks for Christmas.