Eulalie Osgood Grover - Ye Olde Cat Memes: The Original Book of Cat Humor

Copyright 2019 by HOUGHTON MIFFLIN HARCOURT PUBLISHING COMPANY Originally published in different form by Houghton Mifflin Company in 1911 under the title Kittens and Cats: A First Reader All rights reserved. For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to or to Permissions, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company, 3 Park Avenue, 19th Floor, New York, New York 10016. hmhbooks.com Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names: Grover, Eulalie Osgood, 18731958, author. Title: Ye olde cat memes : the original book of cat humor / by Eulalie Osgood Grover. Other titles: Kittens and cats Description: Boston : Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2019. | Originally published in different form by Houghton Mifflin Company in 1911 under the title Kittens and Cats: A First ReaderVerso title page.

Identifiers: LCCN 2019024063 (print) | LCCN 2019024064 (ebook) | ISBN 9780358238416 (hardback) | ISBN 9780358246299 (ebook) Subjects: LCSH: Readers (Primary) | Childrens poetry. | CatsHumorJuvenile literature. Classification: LCC PE1127.A6 G76 2019 (print) | LCC PE1127.A6 (ebook) | DDC 428.6dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019024063 LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019024064 Book design by RAPHAEL GERONI Victorian Ornaments Webalys / Shutterstock v1.0819 To Fritz Who loves kittens and cats as much as you and I do

I am the Queen of all the Kittens. I am the Queen! the Queen! Come, all kittens and cats. Hear what I have to say. Tomorrow I give a grand party.

The party will be in my palace. You are all invited! From the biggest to the littlest, from the oldest to the youngest. So wash your paws and shine your fur. Forget your naughty tricks and do not one of you dare be late to your Queens party. To-morrow at one oclock.

I am Granny Gray.

I am very, very old, but I am still going to the Queens party. I am grandmother to a great many kittens. When they are naughty, their mothers always send for me. When they are sick, I always know what to do. I teach them how to meow. I teach them how to scratch.

I teach them how to catch mice. I am very, very old. They call me Granny Gray.

Hark, hark! What is that noise? No, I cannot play with you now. I must take my bath. I must get ready for the party.

I have a new jacket and a new hat to wear. My pants were new last week, but now they are not new. I tore two holes in them when I climbed the apple tree in the back yard. Mother patched them, but somehow the patches show up more than the holes did. Perhaps my new jacket will cover the patches.

I wonder if those horrid patches Upon my trousers light Would show as much if they were not As dark as dark as night? Mew! Mew! Mew! Mew! Hurry, Mother, hurry! We are all ready and waiting to start. I wonder if those horrid patches Upon my trousers light Would show as much if they were not As dark as dark as night? Mew! Mew! Mew! Mew! Hurry, Mother, hurry! We are all ready and waiting to start.

Yes, we are all here. There are one, two, three, four of us. The carriage is pretty small, but we think we can all get in. We will be good this time and not push each other out. But please do hurry, Mother. It is hard to sit so still.

Mew! Mew! Mew! Mew!

We are three little cats in a cart And one underneath on the floor, The cart is so full we hardly see how Therell be any room for more. Dear me! My kittens are in such a hurry! They give me no time to dress. It takes a very long time to shine my fur and to fix my bonnet. It is a new bonnet. This is the first time I have worn it. I hope it looks all right.

I must practice sitting up straight and proper just for a minute. I want the Queen to know that I am a fine lady. I hope my kittens will not rough up their fur. If they do I shall have to groom them all over again. Now we may start. Where is their father?

Here I am.

Yes, I am the father of those four fine kittens. They are such beautiful kittens, their mother does not even need to tie ribbons around their necks. I am glad of that, for I do not like ribbons. I must go now and take them all to the Queens palace. I am sure they will be the handsomest kittens there. I suppose I shall have to push their carriage.

Come, Mother, let us be off. Are my whiskers stiff? Is my hat on straight?

Dont tell anybody where I am. I am hiding away from Mother. She wants me to go to the Queens party and I dont want to go. I dont like the Queen; she is so grand and dignified. She frightens me.

I would rather hide in this pitcher all day than go to the Queens palace. Please dont tell where I am. You will not, will you?

Ive had an invitation To go to see the Queen, But Im a bashful kitten And Id rather not be seen. How strange it is That some of us want to go to the party, And some do not want to go. Some of us can go, And some cannot go. I am one who wants to go, And I am one who cannot go.

I have a sick head. It aches. Perhaps I caught too many mice last night. The doctor has been here. He told me to take this medicine every half-hour.

Im off for the Queens palace. Im off for the Queens palace.

Im the only cat in our country who has an automobile. But I suppose all the fine cats will be having them soon. It is really great fun to ride faster than any cat or kitten can run. I would invite you to ride too, but there is room for only one. So, goodbye! Im off for the Queens party.