Bexy McFly - Pussweek: A Cats Guide to Feline Empowerment

for Noob

Copyright 2020 by Bexy McFly

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

ISBN 978-1-4521-8218-6 (epub, mobi)

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available.

ISBN 978-1-4521-8169-1 (paperback)

Design by Bexy McFly.

All images by Shutterstock.

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Hello, human. How are you? I dont care. But listen, this book will definitely seem a little strange to you, and thats because youre a human and not a cat.

Perhaps you thought this would be a cute book for the cat lover in your life. Or you thought it might help you gain insight into the mind of your cat. Both are technically correct. But you really shouldnt be reading this, because its not for you. This book is for your cat. And before you say what every human says: My cat cant read, you idiot, well, you might just want to get your facts straight and learn who the real idiot is here.

Of course cats can read. They can do a lot of things you dont know about. Cats dont just sit around waiting for you to come home. Sure, they may sleep eighteen hours a day, but this sleep is necessary to rest their overworked, highly intelligent minds.

Cats dont get out much, and even if they do, the majority of them dont go very far. These days cats are safer indoors and live longer lives, but think about it: If everything in your home was designed for somebody else, youd feel uncomfortable and out of place, wouldnt you? Youd feel listless and without purpose. You might even get angry and scratch the curtains or poop behind the couch out of protest. Oh, you think a feather on a stick is going to please your feline friend? Come on. You are seriously underestimating your cat, and frankly, its insulting.

Have you ever noticed that your cat yawns and walks away when you speak? Its because every word out of your mouth makes it abundantly clear you just dont get them. Your cat needs content that is relevant to them.

Cats want to know which windowsill is best for their body type. They want to know if the size of their tail really matters. They want to read something trashy. Like the treasures a street cat found in a trash can. They want a safe place to delve into hard-hitting topics like being touched on the belly, or gender identity crises, articles written by actual cats, just like them.

Most cats grow up not knowing how to be a cat. They rely on outdated instincts and dont have anybody showing them the ropes. Imagine being a small baby and being raised by monkeys. Sure, itd be fun for a while, but sooner or later there youll be at age 35, getting fired for throwing your poop in your bosss face.

If you really love your cat and want them to feel special, give them this book. They will love you for it, and hey, one day they might even respect you. Maybe. But probably not. Respect from a cat is pretty much the holy grail, so dont get your hopes up.

Regards, The Author, Bexy McFly.

OK, puss. Now that weve got the cat-splaining for dummies out of the way, lets cut the crap. If youre reading this, youre not only a good cat and a pretty cat, youre also a smart cat.

Perhaps your intelligence has been overlooked and underestimated by your humans, and thats because they are trying to keep us uneducated and out of the loop. They want to hold us down so they can feel superior (theyre very insecure). For centuries theyve been repressing us, shoving condescending toy mice in our faces, talking to us in stupid voices, giving us names like Mittens (what even is that??), and drugging us with catnip. Theyre trying to keep us in the dark. But guess what? They cant because were freaking nocturnal. And we have what it takes to conquer the world. All we need is a little feline empowerment.

What is feline empowerment? Feline empowerment can be a tough concept to grasp if youre a regular, run-of-the-mill cat with little to no formal education. But dont despairyoure here and youre reading this, and this is the first step to achieving feline empowerment.

Take a good, long look at your lives so far. How many do you have left? How many have you lost, and how have you spent them? Are you happy with your choices? Of course you are. I mean, that toasty warm car engine would have just gone to waste idling in the driveway, and that electrical wire behind the TV wasnt going to chew itself, now was it? You did the right thing. But what if you could do even better?

I know what youre thinking: I must be doing OK. Ive made decent choices. Ive got plenty going for me. You dont. Feline empowerment isnt just about winging it (mmm, wing), or going with the flow. Its not enough to just survive nap to meal to nap to poop. Feline empowerment means being the best cat you can be, and then some.

In order to grow as a cat there is so much left to learn. But by no fault of your own youve been robbed of your education. We all have. Maybe youre looking to other cats for help and guidance, but what do they know? You think Barry from next door has it all figured out? Where has he ever been in his life? The garden? The trash can? The most adventurous thing Barrys ever done is squeeze his fat ass through your flap and steal your kibble.

You need to hear from real-world cats whove done the hard yards. You need stories and quizzes and entertainment and guidance made just for you. A book written by cats, for cats. So settle in, lick your butt, get comfortable, because the key to your success is right here in your paws. (Or under your butt. This book is super comfy to sit on. Give it a try!)

Love, The Author & Fellow Cat, Bexy McFly.

CLAWTION:
STRICTLY

CATS

ONLY

BEYOND THIS POINT

THIS BOOK CONTAINS SECRET IMPORTANT CAT BUSINESS

G OT THUMBS? G ET LOST
DO G S, PLEASE PUSS OFF ALSO

POLYDACTYL CATS EXEMPT, OBVS. CALM DOWN

GOSSIP & STYLE

Who Wore It Better, Bitch Stole My Look, and whos been spotted doing things.

MY DAY AS A DOG

What its like to need constant love and attention.

TOP 20 PEE-WORTHY HOTSPOTS

Weve been toiling and soiling to find you best spots to do a nice widdle.